What I would Say to the 20 Year Old Me

I have thought so many times, if I had a way to go back in time to talk with the 20 year old version of me, how many things I would say.

I would likely start off by just smacking me around for a while, but afterward, I would talk about priorities.

I would talk about what really matters, and what really doesn't. I would talk about marriage, and what it means to be a great husband, how it will feel a lot like hard work, but a spouse that you love unconditionally becomes your closest friend. I would talk about being a Dad, and what it takes to be consistent, how to love your kids how they need to be loved, not just what comes easy to you. I would talk about how you will never regret any effort you put into supporting your kids, but you will regret every opportunity you missed. I would talk about friendship, how the friends that selflessly want to see you grow are hard to find, so give back to them, and lean into them when you need to. I would talk about how no one was meant to be an island, and great friends make the most difficult of seasons much more bearable.

How much heartache I would save myself and others if I could go back and speak those things to the younger me.

Unfortunately, that opportunity is never going to come to me, or to you.

But don't just get frustrated, there is something great that you still can do.

Proverbs 13:20 says "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools suffer harm."

Even if you can't take all this information and share it with the 20 year old "you"; you can take this information and share it with a 20 year old someone.

God has given all of us a measure of wisdom. Through mistakes and victories, we learn things that help us to live more effectively. So share that information with the younger generation God has placed around you. Save them from some of the heartache you experienced. Save them from making the choices like the ones you made that hurt others.

In addition, God has given a measure of wisdom to those who are further down the road of life than you, listen to them, learn from them. After all, sticking solely to what you know, and only spending time with those who are in the same place as you, will cause you to "suffer harm."

What Matters Most to God?

I've had this thought stirring around in my head for weeks now, and it has been consuming my mind, and finding its way into several conversations and situations.

I was listening to a podcast, and the speaker made the passing statement, "What matters more to God than anything?"

I'm sure the rest of the podcast was awesome, but I don't remember any of it. My mind was captivated by this question.

What matters more to God than anything?

There are so many answers that come to mind. Faith for starters. God wants us to be a people of faith. Then other words came rushing in, obedience, forgiveness, and sacrifice.

Then it hit me, the answer is so simple. What matters more to God than anything? People.

People matter more to God than anything else. Not just a particular type of people, not people from a particular place, just people. All people.

This may seem like a pretty simple concept and not worth your read yet, but stick with me for a moment.

So how does this apply when you have conflict with someone? Well, you can't write them off, you can't vilify them, and you can't forget about them. They are extremely important to God, therefore, they should matter to you.

The same idea applies when you are helping friends work through difficulty. You can't push one friend away in order to draw the other close. They both matter.

As this phrase has been going through my head constantly the last couple weeks, I find myself challenged daily to forgive more, to let things go quickly, and to choose to try again with people, and to try again in difficult situations.

The ultimate goal is to see people as God sees them. To see them as incredibly valuable, and to fully grasp that just like you, they matter more to God than anything else.

I pray you are encouraged and challenged with this reality this week!

Slow Down and Deal With It

Change can be difficult, and although new seasons comes with new challenges, they also often bring new blessings.

The part I struggle the most with, is giving myself the opportunity to actually deal with the change and let it sink in.

Usually when one season is coming to an end, and a new one is starting, good or bad, I am trying to move on as quickly as possible. I don't want to think about what I'm losing or gaining, and I don't want to consider what I'll miss.

Change is coming, and I just want to get it over with.

Right now, our family is walking through some change. It's not necessarily major, but it's change none the less. We are moving from the home we have lived in for a few years, and looking to move into a new one.

I have been doing my normal thing of trying to stay busy and ignore all the complex emotional stuff. My wife however taught me a really important lesson this week.

We were packing the last of the small things we needed out of the house, and the kids were putting things in the car, and Treasa realized they all needed a chance to process this change.

We loved this house, we aren't moving because we aren't happy with it, we are moving because we are in a new season, and this house won't work for that.

Moving out of this house is hard, it's sad, and it's painful. We loved this house and had tons of great memories there.

So, Treasa got all the kids together in our living room, and just started talking everything through the reality we were facing. They talked a little, but mostly the kids just cried, they cried a lot. They talked about what they'll miss, and they asked again why we had to move. They expressed frustration, they talked about all that was going on in their head and their heart.

I sat there feeling helpless. Almost all my kids are crying, and there is nothing I can do to fix it. I couldn't solve the problem with work or effort. I also knew I wasn't supposed to tell them, "Quit crying and get over it."

The truth was, this circumstance stinks, it hurts, and there is nothing we can do but just process and walk through it together.

The next day, there was a sense of finality to the change. Crying and talking about the situation was really uncomfortable for me, but it was incredibly helpful for my family.

I share all this to make this point; life will bring moments of difficulty. Allow some time for you and your loved ones involved to talk about it. Leave room for yourself to feel whatever you feel, and to say whatever you want to say. It may be uncomfortable, but in the long run, it's the best thing possible for you.

Philippians 4:6,7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heats and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I think this passage is quoted a lot to say, "Don't stress" but there is another message in here that is important for us to hear. "let your requests be made known to God."

God isn't asking us to pretend we don't experience ups and downs. Talk to Him, talk to others, work through it. Then come out the other side, ready to take on your new season.