It is an Act of Kindness

In my early 20's I met Dan O'Leary. Right away I realized there was something different about him. At first, I mistook him as confrontational, later on, I realized he was showing me kindness.

In my youth, I believed the way you dealt with hurt feelings, was to talk about them.

When I had a problem with someone, whether they had intentionally or unintentionally hurt me, I would work it out, by talking it out.

So, if Bobby said something mean to me, I would go directly to Franky and tell him all about it. I would explain why I was hurt or mad. I would tell in detail how they had done this before; and perhaps even mention how they likely did this to others as well.

I walked away feeling validated and empowered. I was right to be upset, and now I had a witness who agreed with me.

I was determined to avoid becoming an unhealthy person who keeps everything in.

Okay, back to Dan. We met in El Paso while I volunteered as Youth Pastor, and Dan was a board member.

It wasn't long after I met Dan that he did something completely unexpected. Dan approached me, and talked to me about something I did that offended him.

He said it right to my face.

He had chosen a time where no one else was around. He also said it kindly, in fact the content of our conversation was extremely positive. Yet I still couldn't believe he talked to me face to face.

It felt so foreign. I felt like I should be upset, but I walked away feeling encouraged. It was very confusing.

In Matthew 18:15 it says, "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother."

I had read this verse so many times, but I honestly never considered trying it. It seemed impossible. Yet, Dan had applied this to our relationship, and I was okay with it. I actually trusted and appreciated him more, I felt safer around him.

As the next couple years went by, Dan would take the opportunity to say something when needed, and I grew to expect it.

One day, during a time in my life I wish I could erase, Dan spoke one of the hardest things I ever had to listen to.

It wasn't mean or rude, but it was hard to hear. The heart of what he said was, "It doesn't matter what you say Daniel, it matters what you do".

His statement changed my life. I became determined to live the life God had called me to. I was tired of only talking about change, and never changing.

I have come to call Dan a dear friend, and a mentor. More than that, I have chosen to apply Dan's way of living Matthew 18, to my own life.

When I am upset or hurt, I talk it out, to work it out. The difference is, now I talk with the person I have an offense with. I also encourage others to do the same for me.

When people look quizzically at me during these conversations, I understand why. I remember feeling the same way.

Most people want to be nice to others, so they don't say anything when they are hurt; or they don't say anything directly. The problem is, silence is not the definition of nice.

If you are a believer like me, this isn't how God directs us to live. If we want to be good to people, we need to tell them the truth.

Tell them as kindly as you can. Tell them they did something that hurt you. You will find in the end, it is an act of kindness.

Instead of doing generous things, choose to live generously.

I want to know God, and become more like Him. In that process, God has revealed countless things in me that need to change. 

If you ask me what God is doing in me today, I would give you a list. The list God is walking me through this year, is completely different from last year. In fact, many of the things God is doing in me now, I was unaware of a year ago. 

What I'm saying is, it is by God's love that He gives us bite size pieces of change to process and grow in. 

Just because we have worked through the challenges of last year, does not mean there are not a new set of challenges this year. Even if we spent time in a season of personal or corporate revival, there is work in us, that has yet to be accomplished. 

So embrace the change, seek it, embrace the transformation process. It is a life long journey. God is speaking to you, that is good news and a tremendous blessing. 

So here is one of the things from my list of what God is working on me today. 

Generosity is a way of life. It is not a choice we make from time to time. God is not asking us to choose to be generous in particular circumstances. God desires that we live a generous life.

In the book of Leviticus, God instructs the people on what they should do with their crops as they harvest them.

Leviticus 19:10 "Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen. Leave them for the poor and the foreigner. I am the Lord your God."

God tells His people not to go back through their crops to get every last bit, rather leave it, so those less fortunate can have what remains.

God instructed His people to leave a portion of their crop for others to come and gather.

I am not trying convince anyone what they should or shouldn't do with their belongings. I am asking you to look at God's heart behind this instruction. 

God is saying, in your abundance, and in your hard work, consider the less fortunate. There are people who don't have what you have. So leave some for them too.

God is calling us today, to consider others in all we do. Whether we are working diligently, or just walking through our day; we need to happily consider the needs of others. Mainly, being open and willing to share with others out of our abundance.

Instead of doing generous things, choose to live generously. 

Especially in the Little Things

Something that hurts my heart, is how the choices of a select few believers have driven unbelievers away from the church. Perhaps it's a story of how a church leader hurt them, or an angry debate they had with a judgmental Christian. Whatever the reason may be, they are done with church.

Sometimes I am frustrated with those believers for their part, and sometimes I am frustrated with the unbeliever for being so easily deterred. Yet, most of all I am ashamed of the negative impact I may have had on others by my choices.

Rather than sit paralyzed with frustration, I have chosen to focus on how I am living now. I want to live in a way that would draw people to Jesus, rather than drive them away.

On the way to work today I saw a man standing on the side of the road, smoking and holding his thumb up. I felt compelled to stop, so I did. I asked where he was going, and he said it was the town after where I was driving. So I offered to take him as far as I planned to go; I was secretly happy because he would likely send me on my way, and wait for a better option.

Instead he suggested I change my plan to take him fifteen minutes further than I planned. He explained that this was a compromise on his part, because he needed a ride twenty-five minutes further.

Needless to say I felt a bit put off, but I was determined to be the light of Christ to this man.

As we approached our compromised drop point, he boldly asked if I would just go ahead and take him the rest of the way. I did not appreciate him pushing his luck, so I said no.

Then God reminded me of Matthew 5:41 "If someone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles." Pretty clearly applicable to my situation.

So instead of slowing down I told him, "I am a Christian, and the Bible says if someone asks for a ride for one mile, we should take them an extra mile too; so I am going to take you all the way there."

I honestly felt pretty silly saying that. I felt how my kids likely feel when I tell them to say sorry to their brother or sister, and demand they hug them too. God had spoken, and I wasn't going to argue.

What happened next was pretty amazing.

For the last part of the trip, he began to share of his deep hurt from his past experience in the church. He explained that he would think about going back to church, but just couldn't bring himself to do it.

I asked him his name as we stopped, he told me, shook my hand, then smiled and said goodbye.

So there I was, driving back to work in shock. I had reluctantly and accidentally had a positive impact on this man. God was able to use me to draw him into the kingdom; rather than pushing him away.

We can all have a positive impact on people. We may even change their impression of the church, and more importantly of Jesus. Especially in the little things we do for them.

What Matters

This past week my wife's uncle Nathan passed away. Nathan was an incredibly wonderful man.

I remember the first time I spent time around Treasa's Mom's side of the family. Treasa and I were dating, and I was so nervous. People were coming and going, and of course in my mind each person that didn't stop to say hi, was purposefully snubbing me. This was the type of wisdom I possessed as an 18 year old.

Then this man with the warmest of smiles walked right up to me. Nathan was so kind to me, he asked me about where I came from, and talked about how much he loved Treasa. Looking back, it wasn't the deepest of conversations, but Nathan immediately made an impact on me. His very presence showed love, kindness and acceptance.

Each time after that day, when I was around Treasa's family I would always seek Nathan out, and he was always so kind. He would remember things that we had talked about before; and he always asked how our growing family was doing.

After the service this weekend, Treasa described the stories people told of Nathan, about what impact he had on them. The same story held true, he was a kind, honorable, loving man.

This morning I find myself stirring with emotion. Mostly I am just sad that I won't be able to have another conversation with Nathan this side of eternity. Yet, I am also driven. I am driven to live my life with the kind of impact Nathan lived his with. I want to impact and surprise people with love and kindness.

I have often said the verse I try to live my life by, is 1 Corinthians 9:19-22; especially focusing on the end of verse 22, "I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some." Nathan showed me that this can be lived out; and the impact when you do, is long lasting and far reaching.

What matters in life, is how you treat people, and how you make them feel. Thank you Nathan for making me feel welcomed and loved, I miss you.

Be Weak With Me

I am pretty sure I am not alone when I say, I want to spend all my time doing what I enjoy, and what I am good at. So, I would suppose that I am not alone in wanting to avoid what doesn't come quite as naturally. The sad thing is, in this type of living we miss out on a big part of the joy of Christian living. 

Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians the joy of weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

When we allow God to move through our weakness we have an opportunity to see God do something great in and through us. Of course it feels great to accomplish something that you love to do, or something you are great at. Yet, there is a uniquely gratifying feeling in accomplishing something, when you had little chance of success. 

So let's choose to be weak, to allow God to use our strengths and our weaknesses. Who knows, you may inspire someone else to do the same. 

You may even find that your perceived weakness, was your strength all along.