You Never Know

I remember when I was a pretty young guy, I was riding in a car with my Dad, and there was construction on WA-18 just north of Auburn. We were sitting still in the right lane, and a few cars were zooming past the stopped traffic to cut ahead of the line. I was so frustrated at their refusing to respect others and their disregard for the people following the rules. A few big trucks and cars began to pull out onto the shoulder to block those flying past. I asked my Dad why he wasn't helping to stop these cars.

His response shocked me, and it has stuck with me.

He said, "You never know what's going on in someone else's life. Maybe that car is rushing because his sick kid is sitting in the front seat bent over in pain, and he is rushing him to the hospital."

I am fairly confident the people racing past us were just being rude, but his point was still true. We never really know what is going on in the lives of people around us.

Consider your own story. Has there ever been a time in your life when you were hurting, dealing with a broken relationship, suffering through personal pain; and someone accused you of simply being rude, or disconnected? Their perception of your struggle was defined, not by what was true, but by their assumption of what was true.

It's incredibly frustrating and hurtful when this happens to us.

So why do we do it to others?

When Paul was writing to the church in Corinth he makes this statement.

2 Corinthians 2:11a "For who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him?" 

We don't really know anyone's story fully, and we certainly don't know what they are thinking or feeling in that moment.

So allow me to encourage you, consider as you encounter all sorts of people this week, to remember there is more to their story than what you see, and there is a mixed web of emotion and struggle beneath the surface that you know nothing of.

Instead of deciding why they are acting the way they are, offer them grace, offer them patience, offer them room to be imperfect. Hey, even let them cut in front of your car in traffic. You'll never really know why they are in such a hurry.

Your act of kindness might be just the thing they needed.

An Idea That Would Change Everything

I want to talk to you about an issue that is really important to me, but some would label it as controversial.

I grew up in a medium sized middle class American town. I was surrounded by people that I would describe, and I know others would too, as good willed people, that love God and love others.

I say that to explain, I believe I grew up in a culture, that is similar to many Christian Americans.

Alright, here is the context of conversation I want to have with you today...

I grew up believing that women were less important, less valuable, and less capable than men.

Notice I did not say, "much less", but the amount of less, simply doesn't matter.

I have come to realize how wrong I was in this belief.

There are so many directions this conversation can go from here, and many of those conversations are well worth having. However, I would like to focus in on one particular idea that I am especially passionate about.

Here is my big idea.

If men in the church understood God's thoughts and plans for women, and if women in the church embraced the reality of God's thoughts and plans for them, this world would never be the same.

It makes me sad when I hear people equate the Bible, or God's thoughts toward women as chauvinistic. I'm not arguing there weren't people in the Bible who were that way. The Old and New Testament are full of them, fact is, that way of thinking is still prevalent today, but that doesn't mean that is God's opinion.

Let me explain what I mean.

The first book and first chapter of the Bible, we find this verse. Genesis 1:27 "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them." God created man and woman in His image. That means, the most accurate picture we can see of God, is found in the combination of both man and woman.

In the very next verse we see this. Genesis 1:28 "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.'" 

God blessed both of them, and said to both of them, "I have a plan for you, multiply and take possession of the land."

God had a plan for men and women from the beginning.

Yet the unfortunate reality was, sin entered into the picture.

The result of sin, caused two types of division. Division between mankind and God, and division between men and women. More specifically, that division manifested as men ruling over women.

Since that time, God has been revealing his plan, and actively working to restore that division.

Why is it that people are excited about bridging the gap of separation between mankind and God, but they haven't considered the idea of healing the division between men and women?

Was one part of the curse meant to be restored to the original design, (mankind back in right relationship with God) and the other part of the curse was meant to be blessed? (men ruling over women)

The most quoted passage of Scripture speaks to the restoring of mankind to God. Certainly that is God's heart.

John 3:16,17 For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.

God's Word also speaks to restoring right relationship between men and women, along with all sorts of other types of division we have created.

Galatians 3:28 "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

I believe God wants to restore our relationship with Him, and I believe God wants to restore the relationship between man and woman.

Now you may be reading this, and your mind is going to verses like Ephesians 5:23 Where it says, "For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. " If that's you, I get it. My mind has gone there too. I applaud you for considering all of Scripture, and not wanting to build an idea on just one passage.

I ask that you stick with that same line of thinking, because as we talk through all of this, I want you to consider the bigger message that all Scripture communicates when looking at this passage and others like it.

Is this passage in Ephesians (and I encourage you to read the whole chapter) emphasizing an idea that men are more important or more valuable than women? Is it stating that men have greater capability, so God needs them to rule over women?

Or is this passage instructing men to love and lead their family like Jesus loves and leads the church?

I believe the second option to be true. So how does Jesus lead? He leads with sacrifice, grace, patience and selflessness.

This passage, especially in partnership with verse 25, is emphasizing the power of a godly man's sacrificial leadership of his family. This type of living is equated to how Christ loves the church, that is such an honor.

This passage is all about empowering men to lead like Jesus, that type of leadership is defined and modeled by Jesus through putting others first.

I don't believe this passage has anything to do with men ruling over women, nor is it asserting an idea that men are more valuable or capable than women.

I believe many of the passages people use to argue God's desire for men to rule over women, are tangled up due to an assumption about God's heart toward women, that simply isn't true.

I love dialogue, and I hope to have a lot regarding this topic, and I truly am interested in hearing your thoughts. But first please allow me to ask of you, one small favor.

As you are looking over those passages, I would like you to first say this simple statement to yourself, "God revealed His character and likeness through both men and women; in addition to that, God has always had a great plan for both men and women."

I believe, when we start with the assumption that God loves men and women equally, values them equally, and wants to bless them equally, we read Scripture with a better frame of mind.

I am not making the argument that men and women are the same, I think it's pretty obvious that men and women are different. You know who else is different? Men and men, and so are women and women. All people are different.

Treasa and I are indeed very different, but most of our differences aren't easily categorized as male or female. Treasa is far more bold than I am, I am much more sensitive to people's tone of voice, and their choice of words. These are not feminine, or masculine traits, they are human traits.

The fact that we are different, doesn't make one of us more important or valuable than the other.

Men and Women may be different, but God doesn't love them differently. He loves all of us completely.

Men and Women may be different, but the plans He has for us are the same. His plans for each of us are supernatural, they shape who we become, they change the culture around us, they reach out to the furthest parts of the world.

God may have given us different gifts, and the journey He has planned for us, is just as unique as we are. But His plans for all of us, men and women alike, are great.

Let's bring this back to my original thought. If men in the church understood God's thoughts and plans for women, and if women in the church embraced the reality of God's thoughts and plans for them, this world would never be the same.

Picture this with me.

Imagine a world, where men and women alike, are fully convinced that God wants to use them in supernatural ways to change and impact the lives of others.

Imagine a world where godly men are energized and encouraged by the leadership and innovation of godly women.

Imagine a world where godly women never pause in fear of what godly men will think, as they choose to step out in faith following God's plan for them.

I believe that ultimately, change like this starts with an understanding that this is God's plan. That this was His plan from the beginning.

That's the world I want to live in. It's also the world I want my daughters and sons to live in.

So let's do our part to dispel the lie, that women are less important, less valuable, and less capable than men. Instead, let's remember God's original design.

Let me close with this. The most oppressed people group in all of history is women. It was true a couple thousand years ago, and it's still true today. How drastically different will this world look, when this pattern of oppression is broken?

I bet there isn't a single thought that scares the enemy more than that one.



Tell me what you think. Does any of this strike a chord with you? Share your thoughts and stories, I would love to hear them.

The Life of a Parent

I love being a Dad, it's something I wake up excited about, and I go to bed grateful for. Parenting does however, come with some challenges. 

Since my kids are often on my mind, there are times my mind plays out some interesting scenarios of problems that, "might happen some day" 

I had a thought this morning after dropping off my kids at school. I had this awesome conversation with my oldest daughter Priscilla. She is 11 years old, she is funny, witty, ridiculously creative, and strikingly beautiful. One of my favorite things about her is, she talks to me like i'm her friend. 

So this morning we were talking about what she is going to do with her free time during Christmas break. She talked about getting some rest, doing some baking with her Mom, hanging out with friends, and spending time doing some art. She used to paint more often, and she wants to take some time to paint during this break. I love that she thinks of things like that, when I was her age, I thought about TV, climbing trees, and food. 

After I dropped her and the other kids off, I was walking into work, and this thought came out of nowhere, and it totally freaked me out. 

Now I am about to be vulnerable here, so please don't judge me... 

I thought, "Since my daughter is so free thinking and artistic, there is a really good chance she is going to want a nose ring some day... What in the world am I supposed to do if that day comes!?" 

Now before you get carried away, I really am not bothered by tattoos, or piercings, or any of that stuff. My struggle wasn't with piercings, I was struggling with MY daughter having a nose ring. 

After allowing this idea to plague my mind for about an hour, I came to this conclusion. If that day does come, and during one of our talks, she mentions wanting a nose ring... I am going to be excited that my daughter is choosing to have that conversation with me, rather than being upset about a metal ring in her nose. 

Many of us will be spending time around family and friends during this Christmas season. I am sure you will find plenty of opportunities to argue about politics, religion, and each other's life-choices. I want to encourage you to instead, be glad that you have the opportunity to be there talking with them.

Whether your kids are grown and have their own kids, or your kids are still living under your roof, remember first to take the time to talk to them, and just be with them. 

After all, letting them see your support and presence in every type of circumstance, is a powerful act of love.

Thankful For Scars

When I was a kid, I found lots of opportunities to buck hay. If you don't know what bucking hay is, it's when you walk alongside a flat bed trailer and pick up hay bales out of a field, and throw them on the trailer, then take them to the barn and unload them. Some guys used hooks to pick up the bales, but I always was a fan of grabbing the orange twine and picking them up, then using my knee to lift them up on to the trailer. After grabbing countless bales, and gripping on to twine hundreds of times, my hands developed these thick calluses. I used to think it was cool to take a knife and poke at the callus showing how it didn't hurt, or i'd grab a lighter and see how long I could hold the flame before it hurt too bad.

Hard work produced those calluses, and they made me feel like a superhero.

It's strange how the pain of manual labor gave me calluses that made me feel so strong; but the pain of emotional or mental strain gave me calluses that made me feel so weak. 

I celebrated the scars of hard work, but I was ashamed of the scars that I obtained in my every day living.

I have since changed my mind about that, and I hope to change your mind about it too. 

Whatever scars we acquire during our journey, are proof of not only our strength, but also proof of our ability to carry on when things seem impossible. 

I have scars from loneliness, insecurity, abandonment, shame, fear, and rejection. Each of those came through multiple stories of bad days, ugly people, or bad choices. As a result, I spent a lot of my energy trying to cover up or ignore these scars. 

The thought that I could celebrate the calluses that came from these scars never crossed my mind. 

James 1:2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows it true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

The beautiful reality is, those difficult times, those hard moments, made me who I am today. Sure, I am by no means perfect, but I am better today than I was a year, or ten years ago. I have grown and learned a lot. 

As much as I may not want to accept it, the times of greatest growth in my life, have come during the times of greatest difficulty. 

I am not sure where you are right now, or what you are facing; but I want to encourage you to consider this idea. Whatever difficult you are currently facing, or hardship you are struggling to recover from; has made you stronger, caused you to grow, and has taught you valuable lessons.

One of the greatest gifts I have learned, is the pain I experienced in the past has made me more aware of others experiencing a similar pain. It has allowed me to help them in their journey. 

How have you learned from your hardships to help others?

What can you do, to become thankful for your scars? 

Serving Takes Courage

I'm not sure if you feel this way too, but there are times when serving others is really hard to do.

Sure, there are many times doing something for someone else gives us that warm gushy feeling, and we really enjoy it; but there are times when serving someone else, sparks an inner war of conflict that seems un-winnable. 

I think there are a plethora of reasons why we struggle to serve others. Sometimes it's a person we aren't really fond of, sometimes the timing is just awful, and sometimes we are in a mood where "nice" isn't really on our radar. 

One of the biggest culprits I have experienced personally, is when the person I am serving doesn't seem very grateful that I am helping them. They ask for help, and I go the extra mile to help them, and their response looks like, "I owed them" rather than, "they appreciate it." I confess, that is hard for me. 

A great quote that helps me with that is, "The best way to see if you truly have a servant's heart, is how you respond when someone treats you like a servant." 

Ouch.

When we boil it all down, serving isn't about us, it's about others. So when people respond in a way that doesn't recognize our service, or if they act like people who aren't worthy of service, that makes it difficult, but it shouldn't change our mind about serving.

Service isn't about the one doing the serving, it's about the one they serve, and more importantly about the one Who has called us to service.

Matthew 20:28 puts it this way, Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.

Jesus was the greatest servant of all time, and the example we should look to, He called us to serve like He did. 

If there was a ever a person who shouldn't have to serve, if there was ever a people unworthy of service... Long story short, we are without excuse.

So my encouragement to you is this, don't give up on serving. Try to see the beauty and power of service on it's own, detached from the people's response. I believe you will be so glad you did, and God will bless you when you serve.

The Power of Your Words

I was at a Pastors training a couple years back. It was something I went to once a month, and it required lots of work. There were books to read, reflection and self-examination of my own habits and leadership practices. It was an awesome time, but also a challenging one. 

At the end of one of these day long trainings, the pastor who was leading it, walked up to ask me how I was doing. We talked for a moment, and he said the simple phrase, "I am really proud of you Daniel, you're doing a really awesome job." I threw out my normal response by sheepishly thanking him, not sure how to respond.

But on the inside, something pretty significant happened. His statement rocked me. It totally threw me off how much his simple sentence had affected me. When he said, "He was proud of me." It was as if I won the lottery, or that he had opened a door for me that would lead to good fortune. 

I wasn't in a place of being particularly low, but his words had clearly hit a chord with me. 

In the end, I think what happened was, I experienced what it feels like when someone you respect and look up to speaks life into you. This leader, this pastor, said he saw something great in me, and he told me he thought that I had what it takes.

His words held power, and he used that power to lift me up, to encourage me, and to propel me forward.

Proverbs 18:21a says "The tongue has the power of life and death."

Regardless of where you are in life, what you do, how old you are, what you have accomplished, there are people that look to you and see someone they look up to.

You hold the power to encourage them, to propel them forward, to speak life into them. 

Your words hold power, use that power to build others up. You would be surprised what your simple words of encouragement will do for them.

What Matters Most

I heard someone say the other day that, "the church is the only organization where the members expect every need, every preference, and every obstacle to be fixed and met by the leadership." Essentially, this person was making the observation that the "church" or the people that go to a church have become convinced that the job of the church is to meet all their needs and desires.

This may not seem like a big deal, I mean after all haven't we all heard a friend or family member say, "I need to look for a new church, this one isn't meeting our needs." or, "I am looking for a church that really focuses on all the things that are important to us." or finally, "We are doing some church shopping to find a church that really does well in all the areas that are important to us." 

Maybe some of those statement you yourself have said, maybe they don't bother you at all, or maybe all three make your skin crawl. 

Regardless of your stance on these statements I want you to consider a few things. 

The Disciples followed Jesus for around 3 years. During that time, they saw Jesus do amazing things for all sorts of people. He healed, fed, and encouraged the poor, the rich, the wicked and the innocent. 

The Disciples really only found themselves getting into trouble when they did one thing... 

In Luke 9:46 and again in Luke 22:24 the Disciples are found arguing about which of them is the greatest. 

Jesus rebukes their thinking both times. 

The Disciples lost perspective when they began to think following Jesus was about them, and not about others.   

So let me encourage you with this thought; when you consider your faith, your walk with Jesus, how much of that is about you, and how much of that is about others?

Jesus wants to speak through you, He wants to bless others through you. Don't miss out on those opportunities by focusing on the wrong things. You will be so glad you did!

For more blogs by Daniel, please click here danielcsabo.com  

An Honest Conversation

Let's have an honest conversation.

If you have spent any time around me, you have heard me use this expression. Maybe even to an obnoxious degree.

Even still, I feel like it is such a crucial part to healthy living, and healthy relationships, I can't see myself changing that anytime soon.

There have been many times in my life, or in the life of close friends and family, where tension or a conflict has come up, and the best answer is simply an honest conversation.

Yet an honest conversation is not on their mind for a potential solution.

In the Old Testament there is a prophet named Samuel. Samuel was a good man, and a godly man. People respected him, and God trusted him. He did what he was supposed to, and people saw that.

The problem is, Samuel had a couple sons who were not like their dad. In fact, they were kind of the opposite of their dad.

So we see in 1 Samuel 8:5 God's people say to Samuel, "Behold, you are old and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now appoint for us a king to judge us like all the nations." 

Rather than talk to Samuel about the need to confront his sons, or relay the people's displeasure with how Samuel's sons were acting; they chose to make a major sweeping change of how they operate. They didn't want God to be their King any longer, they wanted a man for a king.

This story in Samuel is pretty complex with a lot of other factors to consider, but this big idea is pretty easily applicable to our daily lives.

How many times do we make a major change, or go out of our way to avoid someone rather than just talk about what is wrong?

How many friends or co-workers do you have that your stomach secretly turns as they do or say something you don't like? Why don't you say anything about it?

Life is messy, and complicated. Relationships at work or at home aren't any different. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try our best to work through and deal with the issues that come up along the way.

Sure, we should be gracious to each other when we have an off day. Yes, we should always choose to forgive when someone hurts or lets us down.

We should also commit to have honest conversations when there is tension or a difficult situation we are facing.

So here is my challenge to you. Sit down with your friend about what you are feeling, and talk to them about it. Sit down with your family member and express to them what you are seeing.

Approach the conversation with the desire to see things improve, or be restored.

It may feel uncomfortable, it may be awkward, and you may even word something in a way you didn't intend; but at least you are talking about it.

Choose to have an honest conversation, and you will see, it wasn't as bad as you thought, and it may even work out to be a benefit in disguise.

5 Things You Need, to Build Unity in Your Team

All of us are a part of some sort of team.

Whether it is your family, your co-workers, your church, or a club you belong to, everyone is a part of a team.

Unfortunately that doesn't mean everyone is a part of a healthy team, or a team that operates from a
place of unity.

Reality is, we all likely have a story about a toxic team, or an unhealthy environment we have been a part of.

One thing I am sure we could all agree on, unity is awesome and lack of unity isn't any fun. 

So here are 5 things, I believe will help any team, regardless of the type or size, grow in unity.  

1. Truth in Love

Many people choose to live on one side or the other of this issue. 

Some say they want to love people. So they only say nice things, and if they can't think of something encouraging, they choose to say nothing. They don't want to hurt people, so they stick to loving uplifting statements only.

The other group of people are the truth police. They walk around pointing out the faults and mistakes of others. They leave behind a trail of insecurity and hurt feelings, all while flying their banner of truth.

Both of these people are wrong. Real love means being honest with each other. Truth without love for people is just meanness. 

To be a part of a team that lives in unity, you need to commit to being honest with each other. This means communicating truthfully, but in a way that clearly expresses your care for the other person.   

2. Celebrate Each Others Ups

I remember a long time ago I was with a friend who was honored in a really cool way. He had done something pretty remarkable, and was received the kudos he was clearly due. The problem was, I was sick with envy and frustration that he was getting it. 

I found myself visibly upset, because someone else was getting praise. After that day, I committed to God I never wanted to find myself in that position ever again. I have since used my response to others victories as a meter for how healthy I am. If others are experiencing a great moment, and I am having to force a smile, there is some work that needs to be done in my heart. 

To have unity, you need to learn to be just as happy for your team members victory, as you are for your own. 

3. Grieve Each Others Downs

The other side of this issue is when your teammates are having a bad day, or experiencing a down moment. 

This principle works the same way, but in reverse. When your teammate is down, are you glad they are down and not you? Or do you want to help them back up? 

Use these moments as a self check. If you see them down and out, and you are having to fight off a smile, there is some serious work that needs to be done in your heart. 

You will never find a sense of unity if you aren't able to empathize with your team member in their low moments. 

4. Think Team Win, not the Individual Win

The natural follow up to these last two ideas is this simple concept. You have to view wins and losses as a team, not as individuals. If one of your team members is down, you are down too. If one of your team members is being celebrated, your team is being celebrated too.

This mentality will greatly help you in how you respond to your teams current circumstance. If you take your teams current standing personally, you will be invested in their ability to bounce back, and you will have a sense of personal accomplishment when they knock something out of the park.  

Unity is not only working together, it is realizing you rise and fall together as well. 

5. Make Room For Others

I think the underlining issue that makes some of these steps difficult to walk out, is we believe that there is only so much acclamation to be had. We believe there is only so many "atta boys" that can be given, and a very small platform for the victors. 

That simply isn't true.

There is room for all of us to succeed, there is room for many to shine. Even more than that, the team victory is so much better than individual one. 

This is my list of what it takes to make unity. What would you add to the list? Or what would you take off?

Leading By Living

"Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less." If you have ever read a John Maxwell book, then you have no doubt seen that sentence before. If not, then consider this statement.

Leadership is the ability to influence others. Note, that influence isn't universally good, or universally bad. You can have strong influence in many people's lives, and that isn't necessarily a good thing. You can also have strong influence over a few people's lives and make a tremendous positive impact.

Every moment of your life, you are influencing someone. Whether it is your kids, spouse, co-workers, employees, or even friends, you are influencing them.

The real question is, how are you influencing them?

In 1 Timothy, Paul is talking to his protege Timothy, about leading others, more specifically leading others that are older than him.

Paul gives Timothy this advice in 1 Timothy 4:12 "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity."

Paul basically tells Timothy, lead people. Lead by living in a way that honors God. Give them as little ammunition as possible to make an accusation against you.

So please allow me to ask you this question today, who are you leading? Who are you influencing with your life? Are they better off because of your influence?

Make the necessary adjustments to lead well, to influence well. Lead by living.

Learning to Be Compassionate

Compassion is something that comes easier to some than it does to others. 

I am not sure exactly where I fall in that scale; but I'm guessing right around "It could be worse, but I can definitely do better."

I am guessing you are probably somewhere in that same scale.  

Truth is, the bar Jesus set for compassion is pretty remarkable. There were so many times when Jesus encountered a person, a group of people, or a situation, and He had compassion on them. 

He didn't show compassion to only one type of person. Jesus showed compassion for the rich and poor, family and strangers, good and bad. He showed compassion to all sorts of people, in all sorts of situations. 

I was on my way to drop my kids off at school a couple days ago, and my oldest forgot to bring the lunch his Mom packed him. It wasn't the first time. It wasn't even the first time that week. I was feeling way more frustration than compassion. I told him, he had to learn this lesson, so I guess he would go hungry that day. 

I dropped him off at his entrance, and continued on to take his younger sister to drop her off at her class. As we were walking to her classroom she started crying. It came completely out of the blue, she was in great spirits that morning. So I asked her, "What's wrong?" With tears in her eyes, she said, "Just bring Isaiah my lunch, I don't want him to be hungry." 

She couldn't handle the idea that her brother would go hungry. So she would rather give up her lunch so he didn't have to endure that. 

I promised Priscilla I would go get Isaiah a lunch and bring it to him, and dropped her off in class.

You can imagine my response following this moment. I was frustrated at the inconvenience that came my way. I put my feelings far before my son and his need. My ten-year-old daughter was moved to tears by her compassion for her brothers struggle.

The take away from this? I imagine Jesus is a lot more like Priscilla was in this moment, and a lot less like I was.

I hope you can learn from this lesson like I did. 

I pray you would be motivated to show compassion to others this week.   

10 Things You Should Be Doing In Your Church

I love the older saints in the church that have faithfully been a part of the body for years.

Their historical perspective and ability to see that this recent bump in the road will soon pass, is so valuable.

If you take the time to connect with, and become friends with these older saints, you will be so glad you did.

Another part of ministry I love is when a person with no church background, or concept of church culture, starts coming to the church.

There is a vantage point you can gain from these friends that you cannot get anywhere else.

If you take the time to connect with them, they can help you see where you have become culturally ignorant, gotten lazy in your preaching and presentation, developed ugly habits, or forgotten to plan for visitors. If you are willing, a new person can help you see the blind spots you may have.

With that being said, I think all types of people, old and new to the church, aren't always quite sure what their part in church life is supposed to look like.

So in order to help with this dilemma, I have crafted this highly scholastic, and research heavy list of 10 things each church member should be doing on a regular basis.

1. Smile
I am sure there is some study somewhere that proves this, but did you know that smiling is awesome? When you smile at people, it makes them feel better about themselves, and better about you. When you are about a block away from your church, I want you to look into a mirror, get that smile out, and don't put it away until you are gone. (Proverbs 17:22)

2. Come Early and Stay Late
The mathematical probability of you getting to know someone at your church increases dramatically when you show up before service starts, and stick around after it's over and say "hi" to some people. Church is meant to be a community, so be a part of your community. Instead of treating our church like a movie theater, we need to treat it like a living room. (Romans 12:10)

3. Say "Thank You"
No doubt, somewhere in your time at the church, someone will do something for you. Perhaps they are opening a door, or checking your kids into the nursery or something else along those lines; when they do, say "Thank You." They didn't have to, and I am sure you are grateful they did, so let them know. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

4. Do Something
Contrary to the view of some, church is not a spectator sport, it is an all hands on deck lifestyle. You may not have the vocal chops to sing on stage, but you can shake hands. There are so many places in the church where there is constant need. Kids need teachers, paper programs need dispersing, doors need holding, new people need directing, teenagers need investing. There is so much more to be done, than there are people to do it. So talk to your church leaders and choose to do something. (Galatians 6:9)

5. Bring Someone
A party with three people is fun, but a party with ten people is even more fun. Church with thirty people is great, but church with the addition of twenty friends is even better. You are already going, and you most likely have room in your car for at least one more. So bring someone to church with you. (Matthew 28:19, 20)

6. Get Uncomfortable
Allow me to address the consumer mentality some of us approach our church with. We want to hear professional grade music that speaks directly to us and our unique musical taste. Then we want to be inspired by a great sermon that addresses our needs for that week, without stepping over any lines that could potentially offend us or make us uncomfortable. I hate to tell you, but that church doesn't exist. So decide to get uncomfortable. Choose to love the people around you, more than you love your favorite style of sermons or songs. (1 Peter 3:17)

7. Give
Now seems like a good time to thump my Bible... In Acts 20:35b it says, "remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive."You may struggle to find extra time in your week, you may struggle to make your paycheck last you until the next one comes in, but trust me here. Find a way to give. Give your time, give your talents, and give your money. Certainly others will be blessed by your giving, but believe me when I say, you will be even more blessed than them. (Luke 6:38)

8. Think Big Picture
It is so easy to become completely focused on how things affect us in the church. What we think of the new carpet, the order of service, the length of sermons or whatever. We can feel very strongly about any number of things, and we may even have great reason for our strong feelings. Even still, we need to keep in mind that we are one of many. Your church leaders no doubt work tirelessly to prepare a service that is a blessing to everyone. I am sure they are constantly considering the balance of how to present a service that will uplift all that come, regardless of age or background. Your leaders are trying to think big picture, so help them out by thinking big picture too. (Philippians 2:3)

9. Welcome Change
Here is a hard one for all of us. We like our coffee extra hot, we like our room temperature at 68 degrees, and we like our steak cooked medium rare. The idea of changing any of these things seems ludicrous to us. We like what we like, and we don't want to change it. Yet change is coming, and if we are honest about it, we also know that change is necessary. In order to reach our community that is constantly bombarded with change, we need to adapt to meet our audience. To be clear, I am not saying we should attempt to change what the Bible says, I am suggesting we change how we choose to present it. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

10. Go To Church
Some studies show that the average church attender goes to church only once or twice a month. I know it's easy to get busy, but this is important. These are your friends, and your family, they need you. You are tasked together to share the greatest news ever told, the message of Jesus and His love for the world. So be there, and be there regularly. (Hebrews 10:25)

I hope this list has been helpful to you. Even more than that, I hope you choose to live these out. You may be great at 5 or 6 of them, but I believe each of us should strive to be great at all 10.

Christmas is For Others

As the big day approaches, our house has been filled with a mixture of complete jubilee and great frustration from the waiting. My young son Cecil asks each morning, "Dad, is three days a super long time?"

I have been enjoying the wonderful baking Treasa has so graciously filled us with. I laugh as I listen to the kids discuss the uniquely shaped gifts under the tree, each one offering their guess as to what treasure is hidden within. It has really been an amazing season.

One thing I am sure many Dads or Parents can attest to, is that once you have kids, Christmas is all about the kiddos.

As you prepare your house, as you think of the perfect gift for each kid, then wrapping and placing it under the tree, each trip to the store, every gift purchased, each part of preparation, all of this work is driven by your love for them. You want your kids to feel special and loved.

The last thing on your mind as a parent is what you are going to get.

I remember as kids we would count the gifts under the tree to see if one of us had more than the others. We viewed this as a sure sign that our parents loved that child more. What a terrible thing we did to my parents. Yet each year, they rose to the occasion, and made sure every Christmas was so special.

My focus back then was getting what I wanted. How different that focus is today.

It's a natural transition. It wasn't a conscious choice I made to no longer enjoy gifts. It is a natural shift that happens when you love someone so much, so completely. They become your priority. You love them more than yourself.

The gifts you get that they made for you in school, or the gifts they created during the Christmas break, are pure gold. They are greater than any other gift.

In a way, this relationship between parent and child, is a reflection of God's love toward us.

In Matthew 7:11 says this, "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

As hard as we try, as much work as we put in to giving to our kids, it is so small in comparison to God and His love for us, and the gifts He gives us. God, our Father, loves us so deeply that He gave the ultimate gift of His Son. He looked at us, saw our need, saw our desires, and was compelled to give us the most beautiful gift. The gift of life.

I imagine, when God sees us as parents, selflessly loving our kids, He feels a similar joy we do, when our kids bring us a gift they made themselves. There is great joy found in seeing your kids choose to show love to others.

In light of all of this, I want to leave you with a couple thoughts.

First, remember what this Christmas season represents. It represents God's love for you, God's love for everyone. This great love compelled Him to give us the greatest gift of all. Take time to thank Him, and consider what love He must have for you, to offer you such a gift.

Second, remember that Christmas isn't about you. It isn't about you getting your share. It's about you giving to others.

So live that out well. Focus your heart, your mind, and your actions on others. Give to them. Give them grace, give them forgiveness, give them patience, give them a smile, give them help, and sure, give out a few gifts too!

I pray God bless you and your loved ones during this season.

Merry Christmas!

Throw It Out There, See What Happens

The Christmas Season is a time when it is easy to become overwhelmed by our packed schedules.

There are shopping lists, Christmas dinners, work parties, ugly Christmas sweater parties, decorating the house, putting up lights, getting the tree, and many other things that come during this time of year.

Some years, the month of December is a racing blur of activity that happens so fast, we don't get a chance to slow down and enjoy it.

We hear messages at church, see pictures on social media, that talk about the "real reason for the season," but usually our focus remains on the many things we have on our calendars and check lists. 

I am not going to attempt to change everyone's mind about how they spend their time during this season. 

I am however, going to challenge you to do something as you run your errands and go to your events. 

I would like to challenge you to be good to others each time the opportunity presents itself. 

There is a verse found in Ecclesiastes 11:1 which states, "Cast your bread on the surface of the waters, for you will find it after many days." 

There are many explanations to this passage, but I will share with you my favorite, and the one I believe to be true. 

During the time this verse was written, farming was done quite a bit differently than today. You didn't have all the expensive equipment, and the ability to plumb water to areas far away from natural flowing water. So of course, most of the farming land was very near to rivers and streams. 

During the rainy seasons, the rivers would rise and flood the farm land. So instead of having a beautiful field ready for planting, you would have a great big mud puddle. 

There was a particular type of seed that was perfect for such a circumstance. This seed was most fruitful when it had time to soak in muddy water, or shallow standing water. As the floods receded, and the water returned to its normal path in the river, yet the seeds would then remain in the soil. 

What seemed like a waste of land, and a waste of seeds, was now positioned to become a rich harvest.

The scary part of this process was, the farmer was looking out at a land that was flooded, and by faith, he had to throw those seeds out on the water, hoping they ended up producing a crop.

I think there is a similar feeling of doubt when we consider showing kindness or help to others. 

What difference will this one moment make? What change will I really bring by helping this one person?

We look out at a sea of people, and it is difficult to believe that by throwing out our seeds of kindness, change will come from it.

Let me encourage you to have faith like those farmers. It may look like flood waters, or a task so large, that one person could never make a difference.

Yet this verse shows us, if we are faithful in casting our bread, or casting our seeds out on the water, we will see the return. It may be a while before we see the full return, but we are promised, it will return to us. 

So as you shop, as you look for parking, as you sit in traffic, throw your seeds out there. 

Be good to others each time the opportunity presents itself.

If you are willing, you will see the return of your effort.

5 Things Your Pastor Wish You Knew

Here is a short list trying to simplify a complicated issue. I won't tell you that every Pastor agrees with this list, but I am sure many will!



1. We Need Your Help

No one is an island. Not even your Pastor.

It often seems in the church, that there is more to do, than there are people to do it.

Find ways to help and be involved.

Also keep this in mind, if you offer to help your Pastor, then ask them to "help you help" you are missing an opportunity to take something off their plate.

Sometimes the greatest blessing you can give your Pastor is to quietly accomplish something that needs to be done.


2. We Know Our Kids Aren't Perfect... And That's Okay

In many circles we hear the phrase PK's, "Pastor's Kids" for those who don't know, as a negative thing.

Perhaps this comes from Pastors putting too much time in at the church, and not enough time in at home. *Refer to #1

In addition to that, I think some of the rebellious things we see Pastor's kids do, is because of the pressure they feel to be perfect. Often times this pressure comes from people in the church.

An 8 year old is an 8 year old, regardless of what their parents do for a living.

So give your Pastor's kids grace to be kids. Your Pastor and the PK's will be better for it!


3. Sometimes We Don't Know The Answer

Amidst the constant questions of, "What does this verse mean?" or, "What should I do in this situation?" It is easy for your Pastor to become coerced into thinking they need to have all the answers.

So when your Pastor does tell you they don't know the answer, or they aren't sure what to do; don't look at them with terror in your eyes.

Leave room for your Pastor to be unsure.



4. We Want You To Ask Us How We Are Doing


You may be tired of hearing your Pastor ask, "How are you?"

Chances are, your Pastor isn't tired of you asking them!

Ministry can feel pretty one sided. Your Pastor loves you, and cares about you, and wants to know how you are doing.

Your Pastor would also like to know that you love them, care about them, and want to know how they are doing.



5. We Also Have 24 Hours In Our Day

In order to last in full time ministry for any length of time, you need to love people, and love helping people.

That can lead to a pretty full plate.

Your Pastor's desire to help, and the church's need for help often leads to your Pastor feeling spread thin.

I know you are just asking for 30 minutes, or you only call in the evenings once or twice a month, but if you and 50 other people are doing that... well, do the math.

Remember your Pastor has a job, a family, friends, (maybe) and in some extreme cases, they may even have a hobby outside the church.


 I hope you find this list helpful, but remember don't just read this list, find ways to apply what you learned!

If you are a Pastor, Pastor's Spouse, or PK, I would love to know if you agree with these, or what you would add to the list!

Showing Grace and Mercy

I love social media. I love that it allows me to stay connected to people in some form, even though there may be miles and miles separating us. I love how I get to see kids who were in my youth group 15 years ago now raising their own families.

I could do without the moment to moment updates some people post about what they are eating; and I would be a happy guy if I never received another game invite. Yet, the good of this virtual social connection, in my mind, outweighs the bad.

One thing I have noticed while reading people's posts, tweets, or comments, is the misuse of words.

Some words are misused so frequently, the correct meaning is lost.

When people post things like, "I literally cried my eyes out!" It makes me chuckle, because if someone's eyes literally went swimming out of their head on a waterfall of tears, I doubt they would stop to post about it online.

I believe this same word-plague applies to the church. We have misused some words so frequently, we have forgotten their meaning.

I want to focus on a couple words that I believe have been misunderstood, or misused.

Here are the two words, along with my favorite definitions of them.

Grace: Getting what we don't deserve.
Even though I don't deserve God's love, He gives it to me freely. 

Mercy: Not getting what we do deserve.
Even though I deserve separation from God because of my mistakes, God instead, chooses to draw me close to Him. 

These two words are vital to our understanding of God, and His thoughts and love toward us.

I imagine I am not alone in my struggle to understand and receive Grace and Mercy from God.

Yet, receiving Grace and Mercy is not the end of the conversation. Not only do we need to accept what God offers us, we also need to extend that same Grace and Mercy to others.

In Colossians 3:13 it speaks toward our need to extend Grace to each other. "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." We are to extend grace through our forgiveness and attitudes toward each other.

In Matthew 5:7 Jesus speaks of the need for us to show Mercy. He explains that showing Mercy is the appropriate response for one who has received Mercy. "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy."

Now the fun part, let's apply this to our own lives.

What if someone hurt you, or let you down?

Grace says forgive them freely.
Mercy says to hold back your anger and desire to retaliate.

You may respond with, "They don't deserve my forgiveness; or they hurt me first, so I have every right to be angry and hurt them back!" To that I respond with, "You are right."

That is the point.

We should not say, "I am showing Grace, but I just can't forgive them." or "I am offering Mercy, but I am not letting this go."

Even though they don't deserve your forgiveness, even though you have a right to respond with anger; Grace applied offers forgiveness instead, and Mercy applied subdues anger and replaces it with love.

I know it's hard, trust me, I know.

The good news is, God isn't asking us to do it on our own. Grace and Mercy come from God, they are gifts He gives us. We don't need to conjure up Grace and Mercy, we only need to receive them from God, and choose to apply them.

So let me challenge you, as you walk through your week...

Choose to literally show Grace and Mercy to others!

A Kingdom Heart

A couple weeks ago we had a baptism service here at our church. 

I love Baptism Sundays because there is such a unique life and excitement in the air that surrounds these days. 

After service was over, I had jumped on Facebook and saw that the post I had written earlier about our Baptism service was being celebrated by friends and family all over. I was so encouraged.

As I scrolled through Social Media, I saw that some other sister churches had also had Baptism services. We had 6 Baptisms that Sunday, some had 12, some 20, and there was even one with over 140! 

I was so filled with joy. God had won the day. People were moving forward in their relationship with Jesus, churches were successfully fulfilling the Great Commission.

In the midst of this moment of reflection and celebration, I was posed with this question.

"Doesn't it bother you that all those other churches had more baptisms than you?"

In the midst of celebrating a great day, a great victory, something so starkly opposite was dropped in my lap. 

It is not a perspective I haven't heard before, in fact it is a mindset that, unfortunately, I hear all the time. 

The heart of this statement comes from a desire to compete, and even more, a belief that you are losing that competition.

Simply put, this type of statement is an indicator of lack of self worth. 

Many people cannot find it in themselves to compliment, or celebrate others accomplishments.

The reason for it, is they believe by celebrating someone else's victory, they are taking from themselves, and giving it away to another. 

They see open encouragement as an addition to another, and a subtraction from themselves. 

They cannot afford to celebrate with others, because they couldn't possibly risk feeling any lower than they already do.

This mindset is based on a lie. Lifting others, lifts you! Encouraging others, encourages you! Celebrating others allows you to be part of the celebration!

God is a God of addition and multiplication, not of subtraction and division.

Be encouraged today, and know that you have so much worth! 

Look carefully at what King David says here in Psalm 139:13-16 "Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God - you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration - what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watch me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day."

You are so valuable! You were crafted by God, which makes you a beautiful creation! 

So let me encourage you, you beautiful creation of God! Rest in the truth of your great value, and take time to remind others of their worth as well. 

My Trip to Haiti

I have been to some pretty impoverished places in my life. Homes with dirt floors made of sheet metal and wood pallets, with a thin blanket for a door. People who are so frequently hungry, that the expression of joy on their face upon receiving a full plate of rice, you'd thought they had won the lottery.

No matter how may times I see these places, the shock and sorrow I feel never wanes. Why do they have to struggle so much? Why would someone just leave this beautiful child out on the street to die?

This trip to Haiti was a unique trip for me. I did not go to build or paint or fix anything. I didn't help with a VBS, I didn't really do anything. I have however, been commissioned to share what I witnessed, and I do so with a happy heart.

I went to see what an organization does to help some of the most needy people in the world.

I went to see Convoy of Hope in action.

Convoy of Hope coordinates with many different programs to get resources, food, and help to the people who need it most.

I met hundreds of kids in orphanages who, without Convoy of Hope, would simply not eat.

More than just providing food to the hungry, Convoy of Hope brings a message of God's love for everyone. They give through local churches and ministers, so the people receive food, and love from their local community.

It is simply amazing.

I had the privilege to sing with, play with, dance with and hug on some beautiful kids. Their smiles are forever burned onto my heart, and into my mind, and I am so glad for that.

More than that, I am privileged to do something about all this. Our church is going to be participating in two of Convoy's programs. One Day to Feed the World and Feed One.

These are simple ways for us to give out of our great abundance to people who have never known abundance.

It is our honor, it is our joy, and it is our duty.

I encourage you to read more about what Convoy of Hope does, and how you can partner as well. Perhaps through your church, through your family, or however else you decide. It is a worthy cause, and the need is so great.

Please ask me if you have any questions about where to start, or how to get involved. I would consider it a high honor to share the mission and heart of Convoy of Hope.

If you are anything like me, life has a way of distracting us, and getting our focus off of the things that matter most, and onto temporary and insignificant worries and desires.

It is my prayer, and my goal to stay focused, to stay on mission, and to keep my mind on what matters most.

People.

Not just the people in my immediate circle, but all people.

I ask that you do the same.

Let's ask God to help us keep a perspective of what matters most, and how we might be used. Maybe we should provide a kind word or a smile; or maybe a helping hand or word of encouragement, or maybe a plate of rice.

Whatever the need is, whatever the act may look like, let's be willing.


Here are some links to check out

Convoy of Hope

One Day to Feed the World

Feed One

Think Differently

I am a little embarrassed to say this, but I can remember the day, when I came to the realization that people did not think exactly the same as I do.

I was in my early 20's and this radical thought came to mind, "Just because I see things in a particular light, does not mean everyone else sees it the same way."

I say I am embarrassed because I feel like that is a truth we all should come to grips with at a much younger age.

In the moments where I forget this truth, I end up jumping to some poorly drawn conclusions.

I end up putting my reactions, my thoughts, my biases, my weaknesses, my strengths, my experiences, into another person's mind.

It is a strange thing to do, but we all do it.

So let me give you some examples, and explain why it is so important to avoid this type of thinking.

As a Dad of six uniquely beautiful, uniquely intelligent, uniquely talented kids I am compelled to understand and communicate with each of them in a way that is effective for them as an individual.

I have a son, who is very sensitive to any hint of negativity in your voice or language. If I have had a bad day, I need to make sure I am "ready" to communicate with him, lest I accidentally hurt his precious heart.

I have a daughter who needs quality conversation about things that have meaning to her. I may feel the subject is above her head, or that the subject matter is outside of my interest areas, but that doesn't really matter much to her. She loves to be engaged in great conversation.

If I were to think for my son, and decide on my own what kind of language is sensitive enough, I would frequently hurt him. If I were to choose what is an appropriate amount of conversation, and what is the right content for our talks, I would not be meeting a very real need my daughter has.

There is another element in this we must consider as well.

Not only do we need to engage in a way that has meaning for others, we need to be careful not to decide how people should respond to a situation.

Perhaps you are like me, and have caught yourself saying, "They really overreacted in that situation." In reality, what we are truly saying is, "They should not have felt such strong emotion in that situation, because I did not, or would not have felt that way."

You are completely unique and beautiful. You are a wondrous creation made up of gifts, talents, skills and passions. Your temperament is a compilation of the many moments and experiences you have walked through up to today.

That is wonderful, and God loves you completely just as you are.

So love others and treat them as they are, completely different than you. Give them room to react differently, to think differently, and to be different than you.

I will do my best, to pay the same kindness to you.