Love Through Adversity

Have you ever found yourself standing there in a state of shock because of a hurt you have endured in a relationship?

Maybe your spouse said or did something that has broken you. Perhaps your closest friend has deeply betrayed your trust. Maybe a mentor or leader in your life, has left you feeling rejected.

It's a terrible feeling.

Just like physical trauma, emotional and relational trauma can send us into a time of shock. We don't even know how to begin in our process of recovery. Questions of whether or not there will be restoration are interrupted by strong feelings of anger, and deep pains of sorrow.

Some people experience pain like this, and years later they are no more free than they were the day the hurt occurred.

Often times, it seems easier to stay hurt, than it is to work through it.

Many of us have stories of broken relationships that we walked away from years ago. People that we had deep meaningful relationships with, are now little more than a distant memory to us.

There may be times where it is necessary, or even beneficial for two people to part ways. Yet, I think many broken relationships do not need to stay broken.

Colossians 3:13 says "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

I know it seems like such a stretch, or an oversimplified outlook on an incredibly complicated subject; but I share this passage, because it has helped me personally through some of those same type of incredibly complicated and difficult moments.

Look again at the phrase, "bear with each other" that is the part I want to take a moment to focus on.

Sometimes the hardest part of forgiving someone, is the choice of bearing a burden that was brought on by them and their choices.

It seems so unfair that we have to carry a difficult burden, that wasn't our fault. When the offense is against us, we essentially have to pay the price twice. Once due to the original hurt against us, and a second time as we help them bear the burden.

You may think this seems completely unfair.

You are right, it is unfair. But let me ask you, is a life of fairness really your goal?

This verse in Colossians may not offer a plan for fairness, but it speaks to something so much greater. Colossians speaks about a measure of love and a type of forgiveness that will help our relationships last a life time.

So let me encourage you with this thought. If you are struggling or even stuck with a hurt or offense, consider this idea. Even though it may be difficult, your broken relationship can be restored, and it is worth restoring. Even though it may seem impossible to see now, the person that has hurt you is worth your effort to bear this burden with them.

Finally, regardless of the offense, now is a good time to offer forgiveness. Just like Jesus forgives us for the mistakes we make, regardless of how terrible, we need to forgive each other.

I am praying for you in your journey.

Change In Our New Year

As the New Year has arrived, no doubt many of us are in the process of reflection and goal setting.

The best part about personal growth, is it doesn't matter where you are in life right now, there is always room for growth.

Regardless of how you are doing now, you can become more educated, healthier, a better parent, a better spouse, or a better friend.

Unfortunately, you can also make it through this year with little to no growth as well.

In the Bible, there is a story about two people who needed growth. One was a person who clearly needed growth, and the other was someone who didn't see their own need for growth.

The story is found in Luke 7:36-39 When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. A woman in that town who lived in a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is - that she is a sinner." 

There is an easy contrast to see between these two. One was in need of change, obvious to all, and the other seemed from the outside to have it all together.

Yet they both were in great need of change.

In order for any of us to grow, to change, and to mature from where we are, there are three things we need to continually do.

Step 1. We Need to Reflect on Where We Are

We need to look at ourselves, and truly examine and consider where we currently are, then identify what needs to change.

Many of us, are quick to notice the actions, imperfections, and faults in others, yet we rarely consider where we need to grow in our own lives.

This should not be so. We need to reflect and consider what areas need growth.

In 2 Corinthians 13:5a Paul explains to the church in Corinth this very same principal. Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves!

We need to continually look at where we are, and where we should be, and be honest with ourselves about the gap between those two places.

The woman in this story, was fully aware of her current state. She looked at where she was, and where she should be and saw the gap between those two places. She was honest with herself about her need for change.

In stark contrast, the wealthy host in this story was so fixed on this woman and her faults, that he was oblivious to his own critical attitude and judgmental spirit. In fact, he was more inclined to pass judgment on Jesus than he was to assume there was something that needed change in his own life.

We first need to Reflect in order to Grow.

Step 2. Bring to Light What Needs to Change

We need to be courageous enough to look at and expose what needs to be different.

This is the part of the process that I think scares most people away from change.

It is the step that pushed many to be lulled into a growth sleep.

Many people avoid Step 1, because they know once they see what needs to change, they will be faced with the challenge to make the change.

I think many are afraid of this, because they believe once the area of weakness is brought to light, they will forever be labeled by it.

That couldn't be any further from the truth.

In Acts 3:19 it says, Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.

God wants our mistakes to be brought to light so they can be wiped out; not so they can define us.

This woman in the story brought herself to Jesus, and knelt at His feet, she humbled herself before Him.

She was completely willing to have her mistakes brought to light. Not so she could be defined by them, but so that Jesus could wipe them out.

It is important that after we define through reflection what needs to change, we bring that area to light.

Step 3. Grow From There

Once we have committed to make the necessary choices to change, we need to continue to lean into a life of growth.

It is important that we examine ourselves and see what needs to change.

It is important that we shine light on the exposed areas that need changing.

Yet the final and most critical step follows these two actions. We need to choose to grow and move forward from there.

I meet many people that tell me their story of moving from a person who used to make many poor choices, to a person who no longer makes those same mistakes.

That is a great start to a story, but it isn't a great end.

Our life, should be a series of stories and events that speak to what good we have done.

Our life purpose is not to avoid doing bad things. We exist to do great things.

Two people walked into that room with Jesus that day. One walked out changed, and living with a greater purpose. The other walked out exactly the same as they walked in.

It is my prayer and hope for you, that each day you walk a journey of growth and change.

If we live daily with these three steps in mind, I believe we will walk a journey of constant, necessary and beneficial change.