What is Community Really?

I have heard recently that the new definition of regular church attendance is twice a month. I have also heard that a committed Christian will give you between 2 and 5 hours a week, including a Sunday, so make the best of that time.

Our world is speeding up, our commitments are growing, our stress levels are rising, and time is flying by. In light of all this, our need to unplug and rest is becoming more and more crucial. For many people Sunday is the one day that you can really disconnect and catch up on your peace.

I wont really take any time in this post to talk about what we are saying "yes" to, or how busy we really need to be. Yet, it is worth noting, for many of us, if we add up the weekly shows we stay up on, the amount of time we spend on social media watching, and how many hours we play a game on our phone or a console, there is some time to be recaptured.

The point I want to focus on, is what is the community the Bible describes we are to walk in, and how different would our world be if we walked in it.

Let me list some of the big points I want us to focus in on.

Galatians 6:2 "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ."
Hebrews 10:24 "And let us consider how to spur each other on to love and good deeds."
Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
1 Corinthians 12:12-27 "For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ..."
James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

I list these passages to simply make a point, there is so much that the Bible talks about when it comes to walking in community with others. Don't think of it as a list of things we are supposed to do, rather, think of these things as a gift God has given us.

We can walk in community with others, not bearing our own burdens, but having them shared with others. When we are down, we can have people around us that encourage us to move forward. We are a part of something far greater than just ourselves. It continues from there, I'm sure you get the idea.

The question I want you to consider is, who are you walking in community with? Who counts on you? Who are you counting on? It may be possible that you are so busy and so preoccupied, that you aren't able to really even be in community with anyone. Whatever it is that may be standing in your way, take steps today to move forward into healthy, real, life changing community.

To See and Trust

In my life I have had the opportunity to work with a lot of different people, from all backgrounds, differing gifts, and all ages. Many times I have worked with them, but there are several times I have worked "for" them, and even some of them have worked "for" me. 

In light of this, there are a couple powerful realities I have observed. One is, it is a gift when you see someone, and realize and believe they can accomplish something well. We have all likely experienced this, when we are talking about an opportunity, or project, and someone says, "You would be perfect for this!" or perhaps, you've said it to others, as the realities of the challenge or opportunity become clear, you see the person, their gifts, their experience and come to the conclusion, they were made for this moment, that there isn't a better person to take it on. These are really great moments. It feels good to hear it, and it feels great to say it. 

Another observation is, it is a powerful choice to trust someone. Trust is a tricky thing. I confess for me, it is difficult for me to trust people. Part of that is, there are times I have allowed past experiences to shape how I see people; so at times, I don't start from a place of neutral trust gaining, I start from a place of mistrust. I don't think I'm alone in that, but that is a topic for another day. However, because of this, I am even more aware of what a gift trust really is. To look at a person, and say, "I believe you can do this, and do this well, and I'm going to walk away with the expectation that good things will come from you doing this, even though I'm not watching to observe." Now obviously, I over exaggerate the statement to make a point, that point being, trust looks like something. 

Romans 14:9 says, So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

We are called to build each other up, and I have found, these two words, are some of the most powerful in this venture. We build by seeing, and we make peace by trusting.

So my simple encouragement to you, is for you to consider, who are you really seeing? And who are you really trusting? If the answer is no one, is that the answer God would desire you? Who might have God put in your path to challenge you in this way?

How Close Are You Really?

In our world of social media and the reality that nearly all of us has some form of public persona, we must make a decision of how we respond to this pressure.

It is easy to look at everyone else's vacations, meals, moments filled with laughter in all their posts, pictures, and shares; and come to two assumptions. One, our life is not as grand as everyone else's, and two, we should portray a picture of our life that seems far more appealing than it actually is.

This social reality is truly a new one. Although twenty years ago, we all some degree of public perception to consider, it was nothing compared to what is normative today. People have access to moment by moment updates of your life, and at least in some part, people expect you to have some form of up to date social media presence.

I will not spend time here making an argument for or against social media, I simply make this point, to emphasize a growing challenge we face, more specifically for this conversation, a growing challenge people in the church face.

The Bible is filled with passages that talk about the importance of living in deep and real community with others. One of my favorite passages about this is, Hebrews 10:24,25 "And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."

We are supposed to be intentional about how we can encourage each other. We need to practice ways to love others, and find opportunities to be good to others. We need to be careful and not forget to spend meaningful time together, even though its easy to do. Instead, we need to encourage each other often.

So the real question is, how are we balancing our efforts in presenting a public persona and the more important need to develop and build deeper relationships? Are we being intentional with how we encourage others? Are we building close relationships? Are we being creative and consistent in stirring our friends toward love and good deeds?

I encourage you to consider, how faithful are you being in these real relationships, how close are you really to anyone? Are you leaning hard into the perception people have of you, or are you stirring others, and allowing them to stir you?

I would encourage you, that if as you reflect, you aren't happy with what you see, consider taking some steps today to change it.

The Value of Us

Every healthy person I know would say there is value in having the influence of other people in their life. What people mean by this however, can be vastly different.

Many people see the value when it means having people that cheer them on. Others see the value in having people who are like-minded share ideas and thoughts amongst themselves. There are also people, although it is a smaller group, who enjoy friendships with people who see things differently than them, in order to see a different perspective.

These are all valuable and important relationships. Certainly none of them are bad, but there is another category I want to talk about.

Sometimes God will put people in our lives that we do not get along with, or we do not see eye to eye with. Our viewpoints on most topics are different and we even find conversations with them to be taxing or forced.

Even still, these relationships are extremely important. No, I am not a glutton for punishment, and no I don't believe meanness is a secret blessing. What I do believe is the we are meant to grow, and these types of relationships can be the ones that help us to grow the most.

James 1:2-4 says, Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

When someone is cheering me on, I want to believe it's true, so I am quick to accept their words as truth. When I see eye to eye on a topic with someone, I naturally see the strength in their argument, and will likely accept it as fact.  When I get along with someone it's easy to see their perspective, and even if it's different than mine, see value in it.

When I am talking with someone that I don't naturally get along with, that I don't see eye to eye with, that I'm not sure if they're for me...  this reveals some deeper truths about me. I know I'm supposed to love people even when they're different, do I? I know I'm supposed to serve others even when they aren't serving me, will I? I know I'm supposed see people as valuable even when I am unable to see the value plainly, can I?

There is incredible value to be found in community with others, whether in your church, your workplace, your community, or your home. Some of that value is found in the pressure and tension of these types of relationships.

My challenge to you is to consider how are you leaning into these types of connections. Do you write them off as odd, or misguided? Do you assume that you aren't meant to dialogue? Do you avoid them all together?

Maybe they won't ever be your closest friend or a trusted confidant, but maybe they will. One thing I know for sure, is they are not a mistake, and their presence in your life is not a coincidence. So what are you going to do about it?

What I would Say to the 20 Year Old Me

I have thought so many times, if I had a way to go back in time to talk with the 20 year old version of me, how many things I would say.

I would likely start off by just smacking me around for a while, but afterward, I would talk about priorities.

I would talk about what really matters, and what really doesn't. I would talk about marriage, and what it means to be a great husband, how it will feel a lot like hard work, but a spouse that you love unconditionally becomes your closest friend. I would talk about being a Dad, and what it takes to be consistent, how to love your kids how they need to be loved, not just what comes easy to you. I would talk about how you will never regret any effort you put into supporting your kids, but you will regret every opportunity you missed. I would talk about friendship, how the friends that selflessly want to see you grow are hard to find, so give back to them, and lean into them when you need to. I would talk about how no one was meant to be an island, and great friends make the most difficult of seasons much more bearable.

How much heartache I would save myself and others if I could go back and speak those things to the younger me.

Unfortunately, that opportunity is never going to come to me, or to you.

But don't just get frustrated, there is something great that you still can do.

Proverbs 13:20 says "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools suffer harm."

Even if you can't take all this information and share it with the 20 year old "you"; you can take this information and share it with a 20 year old someone.

God has given all of us a measure of wisdom. Through mistakes and victories, we learn things that help us to live more effectively. So share that information with the younger generation God has placed around you. Save them from some of the heartache you experienced. Save them from making the choices like the ones you made that hurt others.

In addition, God has given a measure of wisdom to those who are further down the road of life than you, listen to them, learn from them. After all, sticking solely to what you know, and only spending time with those who are in the same place as you, will cause you to "suffer harm."

If That's Not Healthy, Nothing Is

One of the biggest shocks I experienced in my adult life, was the day I realized it wasn't my wife's job to make me happy, or to convince me everything will be okay, or to make me feel good about myself.

It caught me totally off guard and it was pretty tough for me to deal with.

If this is the first time you've heard this, or this idea comes as a shock to you, send me an email, I will talk you through the grieving process. Trust me, I feel your pain.

The bad news is, this is true for all of us. There is no person that carries the responsibility for our happiness and feelings of contentment.

The good news is, that doesn't mean we are alone in our pursuit of peace and joy.

The One who is meant to help us find peace in who we are, and to find joy in difficult seasons, is Jesus.

No one else can do that for us, but Him.

Unfortunately many of us search for relationships to fix these God-sized problems, and we find ourselves constantly disappointed. Or we put the pressure and weight of these issues on people who care about us, and again we find ourselves disappointed, and they find themselves overwhelmed.

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

You ever feel weary or burdened? Yeah, me too.

Could you use some rest for your soul? I'm right there with you.

Jesus invites us to come to Him, to learn from Him, and in return He offers to teach us, to give us a lighter load, and rest.

So if you've been struggling in your relationships, or struggling with feelings of weight and weariness; come to Jesus. Focus on your relationship with Him, listen to what He says about you. Get that relationship close, and in good shape.

Truth is, if your relationship with Jesus isn't healthy, none of your others will be either.

The Value of Being Wrong

Like most people, I hate being wrong. I especially hate being wrong when I was almost certain I was right, or when it comes out of nowhere.

Today I had a really great conversation with a friend. It started out as just a normal conversation. We talked about life, told stories, shared experiences; and both of us allowed each other to ask deeper questions, and to speak to some pretty sensitive issues.

It was half scary, and half really enjoyable.

Through our conversation my friend began to see a pattern in some of my story that shined light on some areas that I had not seen before.

He chose to do something that was pretty daring.

Rather than letting it go, or avoiding a potentially uncomfortable conversation, he pointed it out to me. Not in a mean or judgmental way, he shared it carefully and in a kind manner.

I would love to tell you, when he presented it, I embraced it with a smile, and thanked him for his honesty. Instead, I met it with a little bit of defensiveness, and hesitancy.

I would like a little bit of credit that I did eventually come around though...

I love this passage Proverbs 27:6 "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy."

Please don't misunderstand, I'm not saying my friend "wounded" me. I am saying he had a conversation that wasn't flowery or complimentary, and I guess if there was any wounds, it was to my ego.

The part I want you to see is, this conversation was an example of kindness and love.

I want to encourage you, be in relationship with people who care enough about you to tell you the truth. Don't just surround yourself with people that only say what makes you feel good.

In the end, these types of honest conversations are what help us to grow, and move us forward.

It may sting, but it is so worth it!

Their Responsibility or Mine?

Do you ever worry that someone you love, will one day cease to love you back? Do you ever question whether your best friend, wants to stay your best friend? Does your mind race with doubt of whether the person you look up to, thinks you have what it takes?

I am sure all of us, on more than one occasion, has doubted that our loved ones will love us always. Part of the reason why we doubt, is we have experienced hurt or heart ache more than once; so it's easy to believe it will happen again.

The real question we need to ask ourselves, is what do we do when those types of thoughts come rushing in?

Often times our knee jerk reaction is to simply ask the people around us, "Do you still love me?" "Will you always be my friend?" "Do you think I have what it takes?"

Seems like an easy, nice and tidy fix.

The problem is, when we deal with feelings in this way only, we are putting the pressure to resolve our feelings on someone else. Most of the time, it is our own responsibility to work through those thoughts and feelings with God.

If I feel insecure, it is not my wife's or my friend's job to encourage that insecurity out of me. If I feel unsure of someone's respect for me, it is not their job to constantly remind me they respect me until I am no longer unsure.

Often times, the negative thoughts or feelings we are experiencing in our relationships are a reflection of something in us that needs to change.

If you find yourself constantly wondering if your friends and family value who you are, take a moment and process that with God, in light of His Word.

In Matthew 10, Jesus is talking to the disciples about how to deal with their fear of persecution. He reminds the disciples that not even a bird falls out of the sky dead, without God knowing about it. So if God is that concerned and attentive to the birds of the air, how much more is His mind toward us, the pride of His creation?

Matthew 10:31 "Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."

To put it plainly, you are incredibly valuable. When you don't feel valuable, you're wrong... you are valuable. If your friends or family treat you like you have no value... they are wrong to do so, you are valuable.

This may seem like a over simplified approach, but I encourage you to try it. When your mind gets stuck on one of those ugly thoughts, and you begin to reach out to ask someone else to put your mind at ease; pause first, take it to God, and see what He says about the issue.

I believe you will find, that not only will God help you through that one moment, He will help you avoid future moments like that one. He will remove the root of your doubt or fear, so those types of thoughts no longer return.

The Life of a Parent

I love being a Dad, it's something I wake up excited about, and I go to bed grateful for. Parenting does however, come with some challenges. 

Since my kids are often on my mind, there are times my mind plays out some interesting scenarios of problems that, "might happen some day" 

I had a thought this morning after dropping off my kids at school. I had this awesome conversation with my oldest daughter Priscilla. She is 11 years old, she is funny, witty, ridiculously creative, and strikingly beautiful. One of my favorite things about her is, she talks to me like i'm her friend. 

So this morning we were talking about what she is going to do with her free time during Christmas break. She talked about getting some rest, doing some baking with her Mom, hanging out with friends, and spending time doing some art. She used to paint more often, and she wants to take some time to paint during this break. I love that she thinks of things like that, when I was her age, I thought about TV, climbing trees, and food. 

After I dropped her and the other kids off, I was walking into work, and this thought came out of nowhere, and it totally freaked me out. 

Now I am about to be vulnerable here, so please don't judge me... 

I thought, "Since my daughter is so free thinking and artistic, there is a really good chance she is going to want a nose ring some day... What in the world am I supposed to do if that day comes!?" 

Now before you get carried away, I really am not bothered by tattoos, or piercings, or any of that stuff. My struggle wasn't with piercings, I was struggling with MY daughter having a nose ring. 

After allowing this idea to plague my mind for about an hour, I came to this conclusion. If that day does come, and during one of our talks, she mentions wanting a nose ring... I am going to be excited that my daughter is choosing to have that conversation with me, rather than being upset about a metal ring in her nose. 

Many of us will be spending time around family and friends during this Christmas season. I am sure you will find plenty of opportunities to argue about politics, religion, and each other's life-choices. I want to encourage you to instead, be glad that you have the opportunity to be there talking with them.

Whether your kids are grown and have their own kids, or your kids are still living under your roof, remember first to take the time to talk to them, and just be with them. 

After all, letting them see your support and presence in every type of circumstance, is a powerful act of love.

It's a Relationship, Not Stuff to Do

It's interesting to me how we often hear, or say that Christianity is simply a relationship with Jesus; yet we treat our relationship with Jesus in a way that we wouldn't treat any other relationship.

There are two major pitfalls we can fall into. One we look at Jesus as the answer to our problems, and nothing more. We swing by to make requests, or complaints, and then don't say another word until something else goes wrong. What other relationships would thrive in that environment?

The second opposite extreme to that scenario is the one I want to focus on here. We say we are in relationship with Jesus, but we are really just trying to do stuff that we think would make Him happy, or do things that make us seem like we are in relationship with Him.

Here is what I mean by that. We don't smoke, don't chew, don't go with guys and girls who do. We don't swear, we don't steal, we smile, we go to church, we help people.

All of those things are great, but none of those things constitute a relationship with Jesus.

We can do all those things really well, and never even talk to Jesus.

Not swearing doesn't improve your relationship with Jesus any more than typing on your computer makes you a closer friend of Bill Gates.

Part of being in relationship with Jesus is the dramatic and beautiful affect it has on our daily living.

But that's the model, relationship with Jesus is followed by our changed behavior.

We don't change our behavior, and by default we progress in our relationship with Jesus.

So here is my encouragement to you this week.

Next time you begin to do, or not do something out of a religious habit; instead, pause in that moment, and simply say, "Hey God, it's me. Anything you want to say to me?"

You will be so glad you did.

An Honest Conversation

Let's have an honest conversation.

If you have spent any time around me, you have heard me use this expression. Maybe even to an obnoxious degree.

Even still, I feel like it is such a crucial part to healthy living, and healthy relationships, I can't see myself changing that anytime soon.

There have been many times in my life, or in the life of close friends and family, where tension or a conflict has come up, and the best answer is simply an honest conversation.

Yet an honest conversation is not on their mind for a potential solution.

In the Old Testament there is a prophet named Samuel. Samuel was a good man, and a godly man. People respected him, and God trusted him. He did what he was supposed to, and people saw that.

The problem is, Samuel had a couple sons who were not like their dad. In fact, they were kind of the opposite of their dad.

So we see in 1 Samuel 8:5 God's people say to Samuel, "Behold, you are old and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now appoint for us a king to judge us like all the nations." 

Rather than talk to Samuel about the need to confront his sons, or relay the people's displeasure with how Samuel's sons were acting; they chose to make a major sweeping change of how they operate. They didn't want God to be their King any longer, they wanted a man for a king.

This story in Samuel is pretty complex with a lot of other factors to consider, but this big idea is pretty easily applicable to our daily lives.

How many times do we make a major change, or go out of our way to avoid someone rather than just talk about what is wrong?

How many friends or co-workers do you have that your stomach secretly turns as they do or say something you don't like? Why don't you say anything about it?

Life is messy, and complicated. Relationships at work or at home aren't any different. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try our best to work through and deal with the issues that come up along the way.

Sure, we should be gracious to each other when we have an off day. Yes, we should always choose to forgive when someone hurts or lets us down.

We should also commit to have honest conversations when there is tension or a difficult situation we are facing.

So here is my challenge to you. Sit down with your friend about what you are feeling, and talk to them about it. Sit down with your family member and express to them what you are seeing.

Approach the conversation with the desire to see things improve, or be restored.

It may feel uncomfortable, it may be awkward, and you may even word something in a way you didn't intend; but at least you are talking about it.

Choose to have an honest conversation, and you will see, it wasn't as bad as you thought, and it may even work out to be a benefit in disguise.

5 Things You Need, to Build Unity in Your Team

All of us are a part of some sort of team.

Whether it is your family, your co-workers, your church, or a club you belong to, everyone is a part of a team.

Unfortunately that doesn't mean everyone is a part of a healthy team, or a team that operates from a
place of unity.

Reality is, we all likely have a story about a toxic team, or an unhealthy environment we have been a part of.

One thing I am sure we could all agree on, unity is awesome and lack of unity isn't any fun. 

So here are 5 things, I believe will help any team, regardless of the type or size, grow in unity.  

1. Truth in Love

Many people choose to live on one side or the other of this issue. 

Some say they want to love people. So they only say nice things, and if they can't think of something encouraging, they choose to say nothing. They don't want to hurt people, so they stick to loving uplifting statements only.

The other group of people are the truth police. They walk around pointing out the faults and mistakes of others. They leave behind a trail of insecurity and hurt feelings, all while flying their banner of truth.

Both of these people are wrong. Real love means being honest with each other. Truth without love for people is just meanness. 

To be a part of a team that lives in unity, you need to commit to being honest with each other. This means communicating truthfully, but in a way that clearly expresses your care for the other person.   

2. Celebrate Each Others Ups

I remember a long time ago I was with a friend who was honored in a really cool way. He had done something pretty remarkable, and was received the kudos he was clearly due. The problem was, I was sick with envy and frustration that he was getting it. 

I found myself visibly upset, because someone else was getting praise. After that day, I committed to God I never wanted to find myself in that position ever again. I have since used my response to others victories as a meter for how healthy I am. If others are experiencing a great moment, and I am having to force a smile, there is some work that needs to be done in my heart. 

To have unity, you need to learn to be just as happy for your team members victory, as you are for your own. 

3. Grieve Each Others Downs

The other side of this issue is when your teammates are having a bad day, or experiencing a down moment. 

This principle works the same way, but in reverse. When your teammate is down, are you glad they are down and not you? Or do you want to help them back up? 

Use these moments as a self check. If you see them down and out, and you are having to fight off a smile, there is some serious work that needs to be done in your heart. 

You will never find a sense of unity if you aren't able to empathize with your team member in their low moments. 

4. Think Team Win, not the Individual Win

The natural follow up to these last two ideas is this simple concept. You have to view wins and losses as a team, not as individuals. If one of your team members is down, you are down too. If one of your team members is being celebrated, your team is being celebrated too.

This mentality will greatly help you in how you respond to your teams current circumstance. If you take your teams current standing personally, you will be invested in their ability to bounce back, and you will have a sense of personal accomplishment when they knock something out of the park.  

Unity is not only working together, it is realizing you rise and fall together as well. 

5. Make Room For Others

I think the underlining issue that makes some of these steps difficult to walk out, is we believe that there is only so much acclamation to be had. We believe there is only so many "atta boys" that can be given, and a very small platform for the victors. 

That simply isn't true.

There is room for all of us to succeed, there is room for many to shine. Even more than that, the team victory is so much better than individual one. 

This is my list of what it takes to make unity. What would you add to the list? Or what would you take off?

Pain with Vision is Easy

Growing up, I had this really awful habit. Whenever I felt like saying something, I said it. It didn't matter if it was none of my business, if it was hurtful to others, if I was only partially sure, or if I only had a small piece of the information.

If I could think it, I would say it.

As you can imagine, that brought on some difficult moments for me, and especially for those around me.

Since then, I have learned that just because something crossed my mind, does not in any way suggest I must say it.

Unfortunately, that is hard to do.

Have you ever had one of those moments? When you are sure your insight needs to be shared. Your perspective just has to be thrown in there. People need to know what you know.

But not really.

This lesson has become especially important now that I am a Dad.

It is hard to hold back something I want to say, when my brain is convinced I must say it. Unless the comment is directed at my 10 year old daughter.

When holding back a thought, or a comment will benefit someone I love, keeping my mouth shut becomes really easy. When the momentary pain of self-discipline will benefit the vision I have for a bright future for one of my kids, the decision becomes simple.

When we have clear vision, the momentary pain we experience has a purpose. Pain with a purpose is easy to endure.

Whether your issue is like mine, and you struggle to keep your mouth shut, or another issue like pushing on when you don't feel like it; let me offer you this piece of advice.

Seek to find a clear vision for your life, your relationships, and your future. If you have a vision for where you are wanting to go, or how you want to grow, or see a loved one grow, you will find the momentary pain you experience, easier to endure.

Pain with vision is easy to live with.

The Power of Real Friendship

I confess I have never been real great at building deep friendships. I am not sure if it's just the fear of being vulnerable with other people, or something else. Yet, the friendships I have kept over a long period of time, have added such value to my life.

With that said, my definition of friendship has changed drastically over the years. Most of my friendships early on were based off who I could have the most fun with, or who would join me in my crazy adventures.  

Growing up I had a small group of people I would call my close friends. Of that group, there is really only one that I would still consider a close friend. Not because I don't like the others, or we had some terrible falling out. 

Truth is, the reason why most of the other friendships faded, was I never took the time to develop those relationships into anything deeper than just a friendship of convenience. 

Real friends, and real friendships are powerful, and life changing. Friendship is a gift from God. The Old Testament story of David and Jonathan shows an amazing story of two friends who were so committed to each other, that even when the entire world seemed to push them apart, they still cared about each other, still encouraged each other, still told each other the truth. 

It's a scary thing to commit to stand with someone, no matter what. To choose to be there even when you're tired; to speak hard truths when you'd rather be silent; to forgive even when it really hurts. 

Yet, these are the friendships that truly help us grow. The friendships that carry us through the most difficult times. These friendships are truly powerful.

So allow me to encourage you with this thought, if you haven't put the effort into building some strong, lasting friendships, consider giving it a try. If you haven't allowed yourself to let your guard down long enough to let some real friends in, consider giving it a try.

Choose to be a real friend, and allow them to be a real friend to you. It is a gift from God, and it will change your life for the better.

Even When You're Tired

After a hard day, or at the end of a long week, there is a frequent temptation to sit, rest and put our feet up. Choosing to get some rest from time to time is a great decision.

But, if you put a bunch of days and weeks together where life is a series of evenings and weekends with your feet up, and you may find yourself falling very short of the existence you were called to live.

Life is meant to be cultivated and invested in.

Whether it is in your relationships as a parent, spouse, or friend. Or a gift you have been given that needs an investment of time to see the necessary improvement; we need to choose to grow.

 Many kids grow up feeling like their parents just existed in the same home as them, rather than feeling mentored and loved by them. Many spouses feel like they have someone they share a rent payment with, rather than a life long friend. Many potential success stories never come to fruition because they never cultivated their gift.

In Colossians 3:23,24 It says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ."

Our goal, is not good enough. The bar we set, is not just enough to get by. We are supposed to live in a way that honors God, in all aspects of our life.

There is a time to rest, and a time to relax; but consider as well, there is a great need to move forward and grow in your relationships and in your gifting, even when you're tired. 

Connected, But Not in Practice

As believers, most of us have friends who aren't faithful church goers, or followers of Jesus. In fact, I would venture to guess many of us have friends and family who are even antagonistic to the church. 

These are valuable and important relationships that we should not treat lightly. 

These relationships can become even more complicated, if you began your friendship before you began following Jesus. There is potentially a tension between you because of your life changes, attitude adjustments, and perhaps even a change in your language and demeanor.

Your friends might view these changes as self-righteous, judgmental, or even fake.

They knew you before, and so that adds a layer of complexity to whole situation.

So what do we do? 

The answer is be connected, but not in practice. God desires for us to be connected to people, so we can share His love, His message of invitation, and invite them to join in a journey with Jesus.

The thing is, you don't have to do this by compromising your choices and the conduct God has called you to live by. You can be connected and in relationship and pursue your relationship with Jesus.

Jesus was the ultimate example of living separate in conduct, and connected in relationship.

So be good to the people God has placed in your life. Live in a way that shows Jesus, and love people where they are.

So stay connected, but not necessarily by practicing the same things. The power of your life as a believer is your ability to love all people, all while choosing not to compromise your choice to live in a way that honors God.   

Listening and Sharing

Treasa and I were invited over to a friends house for dinner last night. There were four families there hanging out together. It was a lot of fun. The best part, well besides the delicious food, was getting to hear each others stories. 

We joked about different defining moments in our marriages and or lives. We talked about how we met our spouses, and the journey from the first date to our wedding day.

Everyone's story was fascinating. 

As I sat and listened to everyone's story I was captivated by the little moments they described. I felt compassion for the difficult moments they experienced; and I laughed at the embarrassing moments they described that were all too familiar from my own life. 

I walked away feeling like I got to know these other couples really well. We had shared a very personal part of our story. It helped me to know them, and it gave them a chance to get to know us. 

Sometimes it is easier to just exist around people, instead of really sharing life with them.

It's uncomfortable to tell an embarrassing part of your story. It's risky to share a time you are ashamed of. Yet in these moments of vulnerability, we get a chance to really know someone, and give others a chance to really get to know us.

Ecclesiastes 4:9,10 says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to life him up!"

God made us to be in relationship with other people. There is a risk sure, but the reward is even greater!

So are you just existing around others? Or are you sharing life with them?

Allow me to encourage you to be real with the people God has placed around you. You will be so glad you did.  

Learning to Be Compassionate

Compassion is something that comes easier to some than it does to others. 

I am not sure exactly where I fall in that scale; but I'm guessing right around "It could be worse, but I can definitely do better."

I am guessing you are probably somewhere in that same scale.  

Truth is, the bar Jesus set for compassion is pretty remarkable. There were so many times when Jesus encountered a person, a group of people, or a situation, and He had compassion on them. 

He didn't show compassion to only one type of person. Jesus showed compassion for the rich and poor, family and strangers, good and bad. He showed compassion to all sorts of people, in all sorts of situations. 

I was on my way to drop my kids off at school a couple days ago, and my oldest forgot to bring the lunch his Mom packed him. It wasn't the first time. It wasn't even the first time that week. I was feeling way more frustration than compassion. I told him, he had to learn this lesson, so I guess he would go hungry that day. 

I dropped him off at his entrance, and continued on to take his younger sister to drop her off at her class. As we were walking to her classroom she started crying. It came completely out of the blue, she was in great spirits that morning. So I asked her, "What's wrong?" With tears in her eyes, she said, "Just bring Isaiah my lunch, I don't want him to be hungry." 

She couldn't handle the idea that her brother would go hungry. So she would rather give up her lunch so he didn't have to endure that. 

I promised Priscilla I would go get Isaiah a lunch and bring it to him, and dropped her off in class.

You can imagine my response following this moment. I was frustrated at the inconvenience that came my way. I put my feelings far before my son and his need. My ten-year-old daughter was moved to tears by her compassion for her brothers struggle.

The take away from this? I imagine Jesus is a lot more like Priscilla was in this moment, and a lot less like I was.

I hope you can learn from this lesson like I did. 

I pray you would be motivated to show compassion to others this week.   

Do For Others, What You Wish They Did For You

Have you ever been walking through life, minding your own business, and this epiphany comes flying out of nowhere, and knocks you over. 

I had one of these moments today. I was talking with a friend, and as we were joking, he said, "Do for others what you want done for you, not just what was done to you." 

It was a simple statement but it really hit me hard in that moment. I need to treat people and help people, in a way that I want to be treated and helped. 

I think sometimes when we look at someone struggling, we feel a sense of satisfaction if we suffered in a similar way. We can think to ourselves, "I had to suffer through that, so they should too!" As I write that out, I admit I feel a bit of shame for even confessing I have thought that way! 

Jesus said in John 13:34 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another."

When we love people, how Jesus instructs us to love people, we should be compelled to help them avoid the same suffering we have endured; not celebrate that they have to suffer too.

So consider this thought, when you see someone going through a struggle you have endured before, stop and help them out! You know how much you didn't like it. Chances are, they don't like it exactly as much as you did.

If we can help someone out, we should right? So get to work! 

Get To Know Yourself

I remember a few years back, sitting down with my friend Dan in his living room talking about life. We have this thing where we talk about big complex ideas and how we can solve the world's problems.

Dan is a deep thinker, I like that about him.

Dan says, "You know, if people really cared about their friends and family they would talk to them about the blindspots they have in their life." Dan was referring to a familiar concept that many of us I am sure can relate to.

We all have friends or family that have that "thing" about them that everyone in the world knows they do, except them.

Maybe it's something silly like their nose whistles, or maybe it's a habitual problem of interrupting others. Regardless of what it is, everyone else notices, but the person doing it, has no idea they are.

Dan had a good point. Sure it's no fun to point out someone else's faults, but isn't it worse to say nothing?

I was pondering Dan's observation, and then my insecurity creeped in, so I asked Dan a question that I thought would help calm my fear.

"Do I have any blindspots?"

I fully expected Dan to say, "Of course not! You are so awesome, and as near to perfect as humanly possible!"

I was wrong.

Instead of that statement, Dan got kind of a serious look on his face and asked me, "Do you really want me to tell you?"

Of course I didn't want him to tell me, but I wasn't about to say that out loud. So I answered, "Yes of course I want to know." I think I even managed to produce a fake smile, like I was excited about it.

Dan began to point out an area of my life that was hurtful to others, and I was completely unaware.

He was right... that jerk.

Yet, as much as I didn't like hearing it that day, it gave me a chance to change something about myself that I didn't like, and others certainly didn't like as well.

Getting to know yourself is hard, and often times it isn't fun; but it is also really beneficial.

So please allow me to offer you two small pieces of advice.

First, stop and evaluate where you are and how you are living from time to time.

2 Corinthians 13:5 says "Examine yourself..." 

Anyone who fails to evaluate themselves, isn't growing like they should be.

Consider the tone in how you speak to others. Look at the quality of work that you do. How do you treat others? How do others respond when you walk into a room? How much of the conversations you are in are driven by you?

Get honest with yourself, and commit to grow.

Second, spend time around friends who love you enough to tell you the truth.

Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

Great friendships are the ones that help us grow.

So choose to be a great friend and help your friends grow too. The phrase "iron sharpens iron", implies that both people are being sharpened, both people are growing.

It's hard to hear about an area of your life that needs growth, but it is also hard to gain the nerve to talk to a friend about an area in their life that needs growth.

Commit to embracing both.

Growing isn't automatic it takes effort, and growing with the help of friends is way better.

So get to know yourself, and help your friends get know themselves too.