What is Community Really?

I have heard recently that the new definition of regular church attendance is twice a month. I have also heard that a committed Christian will give you between 2 and 5 hours a week, including a Sunday, so make the best of that time.

Our world is speeding up, our commitments are growing, our stress levels are rising, and time is flying by. In light of all this, our need to unplug and rest is becoming more and more crucial. For many people Sunday is the one day that you can really disconnect and catch up on your peace.

I wont really take any time in this post to talk about what we are saying "yes" to, or how busy we really need to be. Yet, it is worth noting, for many of us, if we add up the weekly shows we stay up on, the amount of time we spend on social media watching, and how many hours we play a game on our phone or a console, there is some time to be recaptured.

The point I want to focus on, is what is the community the Bible describes we are to walk in, and how different would our world be if we walked in it.

Let me list some of the big points I want us to focus in on.

Galatians 6:2 "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ."
Hebrews 10:24 "And let us consider how to spur each other on to love and good deeds."
Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
1 Corinthians 12:12-27 "For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ..."
James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

I list these passages to simply make a point, there is so much that the Bible talks about when it comes to walking in community with others. Don't think of it as a list of things we are supposed to do, rather, think of these things as a gift God has given us.

We can walk in community with others, not bearing our own burdens, but having them shared with others. When we are down, we can have people around us that encourage us to move forward. We are a part of something far greater than just ourselves. It continues from there, I'm sure you get the idea.

The question I want you to consider is, who are you walking in community with? Who counts on you? Who are you counting on? It may be possible that you are so busy and so preoccupied, that you aren't able to really even be in community with anyone. Whatever it is that may be standing in your way, take steps today to move forward into healthy, real, life changing community.

To See and Trust

In my life I have had the opportunity to work with a lot of different people, from all backgrounds, differing gifts, and all ages. Many times I have worked with them, but there are several times I have worked "for" them, and even some of them have worked "for" me. 

In light of this, there are a couple powerful realities I have observed. One is, it is a gift when you see someone, and realize and believe they can accomplish something well. We have all likely experienced this, when we are talking about an opportunity, or project, and someone says, "You would be perfect for this!" or perhaps, you've said it to others, as the realities of the challenge or opportunity become clear, you see the person, their gifts, their experience and come to the conclusion, they were made for this moment, that there isn't a better person to take it on. These are really great moments. It feels good to hear it, and it feels great to say it. 

Another observation is, it is a powerful choice to trust someone. Trust is a tricky thing. I confess for me, it is difficult for me to trust people. Part of that is, there are times I have allowed past experiences to shape how I see people; so at times, I don't start from a place of neutral trust gaining, I start from a place of mistrust. I don't think I'm alone in that, but that is a topic for another day. However, because of this, I am even more aware of what a gift trust really is. To look at a person, and say, "I believe you can do this, and do this well, and I'm going to walk away with the expectation that good things will come from you doing this, even though I'm not watching to observe." Now obviously, I over exaggerate the statement to make a point, that point being, trust looks like something. 

Romans 14:9 says, So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

We are called to build each other up, and I have found, these two words, are some of the most powerful in this venture. We build by seeing, and we make peace by trusting.

So my simple encouragement to you, is for you to consider, who are you really seeing? And who are you really trusting? If the answer is no one, is that the answer God would desire you? Who might have God put in your path to challenge you in this way?

How Close Are You Really?

In our world of social media and the reality that nearly all of us has some form of public persona, we must make a decision of how we respond to this pressure.

It is easy to look at everyone else's vacations, meals, moments filled with laughter in all their posts, pictures, and shares; and come to two assumptions. One, our life is not as grand as everyone else's, and two, we should portray a picture of our life that seems far more appealing than it actually is.

This social reality is truly a new one. Although twenty years ago, we all some degree of public perception to consider, it was nothing compared to what is normative today. People have access to moment by moment updates of your life, and at least in some part, people expect you to have some form of up to date social media presence.

I will not spend time here making an argument for or against social media, I simply make this point, to emphasize a growing challenge we face, more specifically for this conversation, a growing challenge people in the church face.

The Bible is filled with passages that talk about the importance of living in deep and real community with others. One of my favorite passages about this is, Hebrews 10:24,25 "And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."

We are supposed to be intentional about how we can encourage each other. We need to practice ways to love others, and find opportunities to be good to others. We need to be careful and not forget to spend meaningful time together, even though its easy to do. Instead, we need to encourage each other often.

So the real question is, how are we balancing our efforts in presenting a public persona and the more important need to develop and build deeper relationships? Are we being intentional with how we encourage others? Are we building close relationships? Are we being creative and consistent in stirring our friends toward love and good deeds?

I encourage you to consider, how faithful are you being in these real relationships, how close are you really to anyone? Are you leaning hard into the perception people have of you, or are you stirring others, and allowing them to stir you?

I would encourage you, that if as you reflect, you aren't happy with what you see, consider taking some steps today to change it.

The Value of Us

Every healthy person I know would say there is value in having the influence of other people in their life. What people mean by this however, can be vastly different.

Many people see the value when it means having people that cheer them on. Others see the value in having people who are like-minded share ideas and thoughts amongst themselves. There are also people, although it is a smaller group, who enjoy friendships with people who see things differently than them, in order to see a different perspective.

These are all valuable and important relationships. Certainly none of them are bad, but there is another category I want to talk about.

Sometimes God will put people in our lives that we do not get along with, or we do not see eye to eye with. Our viewpoints on most topics are different and we even find conversations with them to be taxing or forced.

Even still, these relationships are extremely important. No, I am not a glutton for punishment, and no I don't believe meanness is a secret blessing. What I do believe is the we are meant to grow, and these types of relationships can be the ones that help us to grow the most.

James 1:2-4 says, Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

When someone is cheering me on, I want to believe it's true, so I am quick to accept their words as truth. When I see eye to eye on a topic with someone, I naturally see the strength in their argument, and will likely accept it as fact.  When I get along with someone it's easy to see their perspective, and even if it's different than mine, see value in it.

When I am talking with someone that I don't naturally get along with, that I don't see eye to eye with, that I'm not sure if they're for me...  this reveals some deeper truths about me. I know I'm supposed to love people even when they're different, do I? I know I'm supposed to serve others even when they aren't serving me, will I? I know I'm supposed see people as valuable even when I am unable to see the value plainly, can I?

There is incredible value to be found in community with others, whether in your church, your workplace, your community, or your home. Some of that value is found in the pressure and tension of these types of relationships.

My challenge to you is to consider how are you leaning into these types of connections. Do you write them off as odd, or misguided? Do you assume that you aren't meant to dialogue? Do you avoid them all together?

Maybe they won't ever be your closest friend or a trusted confidant, but maybe they will. One thing I know for sure, is they are not a mistake, and their presence in your life is not a coincidence. So what are you going to do about it?

Are You Planting or Staring at Your Seed?

A few weeks back, I was listening to a podcast, and the speaker spoke about the process of a seed. It encouraged me so much, and I've been thinking about it since then. I want to share with you some of what the speaker said, and some of what God has stirred in me since then.

When you look at a seed, it is obviously doing nothing, it doesn't show any signs of life, it doesn't show any promise, and if you didn't know any better, you would certainly not believe that it showed any potential for growth. Yet, we know, that the moment a seed is planted and watered, something remarkable happens. That seed comes to life, and the product of the planted and watered seed is something fruitful and far greater than the original seed on its own.

The application for our own spiritual lives are many, but I want to focus in on this. For many of us, when we look at our gifts, our talents, or abilities, we see nothing of value. We see something that seems to have no real life, and we struggle to believe that there is anything there worth seeing.

The unfortunate reality is, if we do nothing with what we've been given, that perspective is basically true.

The awesome reality is, if we do something with those gifts and talents, that perspective couldn't be further from the truth.

The only difference in these two realities is what we do with it. If we never plant the seeds God has given us, they'll never grow. If we never do something with the gifts God has given us, we will never see what He can do in and through them.

Stop staring at the seed, and start dreaming about what God might do with that seed once its planted.

God has given you so much, and the things God gives us, that we do something with, He multiplies. In Matthew 25:14-30 we read about three servants who are given talents. Two of them do something with it, and their talents are multiplied, and they are rewarded for it. The third does nothing with what they're given, and what they were given, was taken away.

What has God put in you? What has God gifted you with? What is in you that God is wanting to bless and encourage others with?

If you just stand there staring at the dead seed in your hand, you'll never know.

More Than Knowing

Have you ever been getting ready in the morning, or laying your head on the pillow at night, and seemingly out of nowhere a voice of accusation comes to mind? You're brushing your teeth, thinking about all the things you need to do that day and this thought pops into your mind, "you're never going to amount to anything" or "no one really cares about you, they're just pretending." It takes the wind right out of your sails, it can even send you into a downward spiral for the rest of the day.

I have had many of these types of moments in my life, and over the last few years, I feel like I've been getting better at recognizing them for what they are, a distraction, and a lie. What I feel like God has been talking to me about this week though, is something I had never really considered, it has helped me so much, and I hope it helps you too.

When these thoughts come to mind, the best thing for us to do, is call them just what they are. They are a distraction, they are a lie, and to put it plainly, they are an attack. 1 Peter 5:8 says, Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. A harsh reality is, we have an enemy, and he doesn't fight fair. He waits for our guard to be down, and he knows just what kind of stuff will get our attention in all the wrong ways. So when we these distractions and attacks come, treat them with the time and respect they deserve... none.

This is the part I've been getting better at. When the voice comes, I don't accept it as truth, I don't dwell on it as important, I brush it to the side. If you haven't been able to do that yet, I encourage you, start taking these moments head on. Sometimes I even say it out loud, "that's a lie, many people love me. They prove it all the time with their words and actions." I will even reflect on moments of truth, moments of reality in my recent days and weeks that prove the accusation is a lie.

This is all great and good, but there is one more step that I am learning to try this week, and it's been awesome. I hope you find it as life changing as I have.

Even on days when I've done "well" in those moments, the truth is, the rest of the day I walk around with my head down a little. My perspective of myself is a little lower, and my tendency to believe an accusation or to take a criticism a little too seriously is way out of balance.

So here is the second part to fighting off these thoughts... walk through your day confident that this lie is simply a lie. Maybe a better way to put is, when these things are whispered to you, don't let any of it get on you! If it's a lie, then there is no reason to accept or receive any of it into your thoughts or perspective that day. Be aware of your conversations, be diligent to protect your thought life that day. This second part is where the real victory is found.

So if you've been fighting some mental battles, if you've been trying to shrug off some accusations, call them just what they are, a lie and a distraction. Then spend the rest of your day walking with confidence, not letting any of that garbage to get on you!

The Lie We've Believed About "Balance"

Have you ever read the Bible and thought, "Why aren't things that happened back then, happening today?" or "How did those people follow God in that way, and I struggle to remember to read my Bible?"

I think the vast space between the biblical accounts and modern day Christianity, particularly here in the US, is due in large part to one word. Balance.

Some how through the years, we have allowed this word balance to creep into our lives in ways it was never meant to.

The Bible talks a ton about Wisdom - Ephesians 5:15 "Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise."
about Seasons - Ecclesiastes 7:14 "In the day of prosperity be happy, but in the day of adversity consider - God has made the one as well as the other. So that man will not discover anything that will be after Him. "
and about Discipline - Hebrews 12:11 "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."

We should be wise in how we allocate our time. We should embrace the different seasons that come our way, allowing ourselves to rest at times, as well as running with endurance at times. We should be people of discipline, being faithful in what we commit to, and faithful to learn and grow.

If these things are how you define balance, then yes, we should be people of balance.

That isn't the balance I am talking about.

The types of balance I am referring to are:
When we choose to speak ugly about someone else because we are just joking, and really we totally care about that person.
When we spend our time listening to, participating in, or watching something that does not honor God, and explain it away as just enjoying some harmless entertainment.
When we redraw the line of what God's Word says, because we don't want others to think less of us.
When we excuse the things we do in private, or only around close friends, because it isn't hurting anyone.
When we use our religious belief to put us on a moral high ground, giving us opportunity to look down on others; because after all, we are on God's side of the issue.

This type of balance has rendered many Christians immobile, and shown a picture to the world, that "Christianity is simply being the same as everyone else, except we get to be more judgmental and critical."

So you ask, what's the difference between the stories we read in the Bible and today? My thought is, balance.

The lie we have chosen to believe that we can have a "healthy balance" of this world and God's Spirit. The lie that we can have a "healthy balance" of love for things, and love for God. The lie that we can have a "healthy balance" of sin and righteousness.

Matthew 6:33, 34 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Before you perhaps dismiss this as a radical rant or me being overly religious, consider this. God knows you need a home to live in, a job to provide for your family, food on the table, and clothes to wear.

Even still, He tells us, FIRST seek Him and His kingdom.  When we do, all those other things will work out.

What we cannot do, is try to find a balanced comfortable life, and then apply God to it; and expect this to bring miraculous change in us and in others.

My encouragement to you, and the thing I am trying to hang on to for myself is this... In all things, put Christ first. In every circumstance, in every conflict, in every need, in every trial, in every
blessing, in every opportunity, put Christ first.

If we live this way, I believe we will begin to see more and more of what we read about in God's Word.

I believe as we do this, we will not miss for one second, whatever we leave behind.

Living in the Unknown

Life comes in different seasons, and each season brings its own set of challenges. I have always been one who enjoyed a good challenge. Show me a mountain that can't be climbed, point out a wall that wont come down, and I am in.

However, recently there has been a glaring reality that I am having to face. The challenges I enjoy are the challenges I go after, but these are not necessarily the ones I need to face.

The truth I am facing is, I enjoy living in the known. I want to work on things that I understand, I want to grow in areas I am passionate about, I want to take up causes I have experience in.

God is showing me, there is also value in spending some time in the unknown. Growing in areas that I have no idea what to do, taking on challenges in arenas that I am completely unfamiliar.

Psalm 37:4-6 says "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as light, and your justice as the noonday."

This passage is pretty powerful, especially when you really slow down and look it.

"Commit your way to the Lord" It's not about asking God to bless my way; it's about committing my way to God and His will for me.

"Trust in him, and he will act" It's not about me conjuring up strength to do great things in the name of Jesus; it's about trusting Him, and knowing He will do what's needed.

The reality is, my focus, my trust, my eyes need to be on Jesus.

If I really believe that, I won't avoid the unknown.

I won't avoid the unknown because it's not about what I know.

Please allow me to encourage you with this thought, don't get preoccupied and focused on your comfort and knowledge. Instead, cling to Jesus. Cling to Him in every circumstance and in every season. Trust Him, and He will act.

If You're Going To Be Here a While

I have always been so amazed by the story of Paul and Silas in prison. It's found in Acts Chapter 16. These two are preaching and telling people about Jesus, and it upsets the religious leaders. So they are questioned, then beaten, arrested, and thrown in prison.

I have experienced judgement for my faith. I have been teased because I am a Christian. I have been left out of things because of what I do for a living. I have been called names because of what I believe. All of those things are basically nothing compared to what Paul and Silas are experiencing in this story.

These guys were beaten badly and then shackled.

How would I respond in that moment? I wonder if I would be angry? I wonder if I would feel sorry for myself? I wonder if I would be upset with God for allowing me to experience such a thing?

Look at how Paul and Silas responded. Acts 16:25 "About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them."

They responded by praying and praising God.

That's crazy.

More than the obviously amazing reality of how they responded with love for God, we see others saw their response as well.

I don't know what you're going through, or what you're facing right now; but I know there are many ways you could possibly be responding to it.

You and I may feel justified in our feeling sorry for ourselves in difficult seasons, we may feel justified in being angry for our circumstances, and maybe we have every right to be.

Yet, if we change our focus a little, God can do something pretty powerful with our circumstance.

If we choose to love God, to praise Him, and refuse to become bitter, people will see something really remarkable in us.

Find a Bible, or look it up online what happens next. Acts 16:25-34.

You may be walking through a difficult season or circumstance, you have been there a while, and you may be there a while longer. Since you're there, you might as well praise God where you are, you never know what He might do in you, for you, or in the life of someone else.

What I would Say to the 20 Year Old Me

I have thought so many times, if I had a way to go back in time to talk with the 20 year old version of me, how many things I would say.

I would likely start off by just smacking me around for a while, but afterward, I would talk about priorities.

I would talk about what really matters, and what really doesn't. I would talk about marriage, and what it means to be a great husband, how it will feel a lot like hard work, but a spouse that you love unconditionally becomes your closest friend. I would talk about being a Dad, and what it takes to be consistent, how to love your kids how they need to be loved, not just what comes easy to you. I would talk about how you will never regret any effort you put into supporting your kids, but you will regret every opportunity you missed. I would talk about friendship, how the friends that selflessly want to see you grow are hard to find, so give back to them, and lean into them when you need to. I would talk about how no one was meant to be an island, and great friends make the most difficult of seasons much more bearable.

How much heartache I would save myself and others if I could go back and speak those things to the younger me.

Unfortunately, that opportunity is never going to come to me, or to you.

But don't just get frustrated, there is something great that you still can do.

Proverbs 13:20 says "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools suffer harm."

Even if you can't take all this information and share it with the 20 year old "you"; you can take this information and share it with a 20 year old someone.

God has given all of us a measure of wisdom. Through mistakes and victories, we learn things that help us to live more effectively. So share that information with the younger generation God has placed around you. Save them from some of the heartache you experienced. Save them from making the choices like the ones you made that hurt others.

In addition, God has given a measure of wisdom to those who are further down the road of life than you, listen to them, learn from them. After all, sticking solely to what you know, and only spending time with those who are in the same place as you, will cause you to "suffer harm."

What Matters Most to God?

I've had this thought stirring around in my head for weeks now, and it has been consuming my mind, and finding its way into several conversations and situations.

I was listening to a podcast, and the speaker made the passing statement, "What matters more to God than anything?"

I'm sure the rest of the podcast was awesome, but I don't remember any of it. My mind was captivated by this question.

What matters more to God than anything?

There are so many answers that come to mind. Faith for starters. God wants us to be a people of faith. Then other words came rushing in, obedience, forgiveness, and sacrifice.

Then it hit me, the answer is so simple. What matters more to God than anything? People.

People matter more to God than anything else. Not just a particular type of people, not people from a particular place, just people. All people.

This may seem like a pretty simple concept and not worth your read yet, but stick with me for a moment.

So how does this apply when you have conflict with someone? Well, you can't write them off, you can't vilify them, and you can't forget about them. They are extremely important to God, therefore, they should matter to you.

The same idea applies when you are helping friends work through difficulty. You can't push one friend away in order to draw the other close. They both matter.

As this phrase has been going through my head constantly the last couple weeks, I find myself challenged daily to forgive more, to let things go quickly, and to choose to try again with people, and to try again in difficult situations.

The ultimate goal is to see people as God sees them. To see them as incredibly valuable, and to fully grasp that just like you, they matter more to God than anything else.

I pray you are encouraged and challenged with this reality this week!

Slow Down and Deal With It

Change can be difficult, and although new seasons comes with new challenges, they also often bring new blessings.

The part I struggle the most with, is giving myself the opportunity to actually deal with the change and let it sink in.

Usually when one season is coming to an end, and a new one is starting, good or bad, I am trying to move on as quickly as possible. I don't want to think about what I'm losing or gaining, and I don't want to consider what I'll miss.

Change is coming, and I just want to get it over with.

Right now, our family is walking through some change. It's not necessarily major, but it's change none the less. We are moving from the home we have lived in for a few years, and looking to move into a new one.

I have been doing my normal thing of trying to stay busy and ignore all the complex emotional stuff. My wife however taught me a really important lesson this week.

We were packing the last of the small things we needed out of the house, and the kids were putting things in the car, and Treasa realized they all needed a chance to process this change.

We loved this house, we aren't moving because we aren't happy with it, we are moving because we are in a new season, and this house won't work for that.

Moving out of this house is hard, it's sad, and it's painful. We loved this house and had tons of great memories there.

So, Treasa got all the kids together in our living room, and just started talking everything through the reality we were facing. They talked a little, but mostly the kids just cried, they cried a lot. They talked about what they'll miss, and they asked again why we had to move. They expressed frustration, they talked about all that was going on in their head and their heart.

I sat there feeling helpless. Almost all my kids are crying, and there is nothing I can do to fix it. I couldn't solve the problem with work or effort. I also knew I wasn't supposed to tell them, "Quit crying and get over it."

The truth was, this circumstance stinks, it hurts, and there is nothing we can do but just process and walk through it together.

The next day, there was a sense of finality to the change. Crying and talking about the situation was really uncomfortable for me, but it was incredibly helpful for my family.

I share all this to make this point; life will bring moments of difficulty. Allow some time for you and your loved ones involved to talk about it. Leave room for yourself to feel whatever you feel, and to say whatever you want to say. It may be uncomfortable, but in the long run, it's the best thing possible for you.

Philippians 4:6,7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heats and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I think this passage is quoted a lot to say, "Don't stress" but there is another message in here that is important for us to hear. "let your requests be made known to God."

God isn't asking us to pretend we don't experience ups and downs. Talk to Him, talk to others, work through it. Then come out the other side, ready to take on your new season.

Even When You Can't Tell If He's There

Most of my kids are old enough to ride bikes now, and each of them learned at different paces. Some seemed to just wake up one day with the ability to ride a bike, while others took some coaching and some help. 

One of my sons was capable of riding his bike pretty quickly, but would not attempt to ride without me running along side his bike, while holding his seat. If he even suspected that I had let go, he would stop, put his foot down and scold me for putting his life in danger. 

I don't remember exactly how long it was before he tried on his own, but it was a while. For days we would go out, I would run, and he would ride. 

He was certain he wasn't ready, or able to do it on his own; I was certain he was more than capable, and just needed to have some faith in himself. 

I think that's a bit how our relationship with God goes. 

We are faced with a challenge, that we will not attempt to do on our own, unless we are sure God, or someone else is standing right there making sure we don't fall. 

This has certainly been true in my life. In fact that was true as recently as this morning. I woke up today considering a circumstance I am facing, convinced I couldn't do it on my own. I wasn't even sure where to start. 

Then this picture came to mind. My son was convinced it was impossible for him to ride a bike. That there was something uniquely different about him, that would not allow him to ever learn to ride a bike. 

I knew he could, I knew he was so much more capable than he understood. 

More than all of that, the worst that could happen, was he could attempt to ride his bike, and fall. Yes, it would hurt, and yes it might even be embarrassing; but he would get back up, and I would be right there to help him.

I want to encourage you to consider this idea with whatever challenges you may be facing right now. You may be convinced there is no way you can face this on your own. You may be certain that if you try, you will certainly fail. 

First, you are far more capable, and far more gifted than you know. Second, God is right there. He is close by cheering you on, confident in you accomplishing more than you dare to dream for yourself; and even if you do fall along the way, He will be there to help you back up. 

Life can come at us in waves. Some of those waves seem impossible to face. I want to encourage you to accept that there is more in you than you know, and God is with you, even when you can't tell if He is. 

 

If That's Not Healthy, Nothing Is

One of the biggest shocks I experienced in my adult life, was the day I realized it wasn't my wife's job to make me happy, or to convince me everything will be okay, or to make me feel good about myself.

It caught me totally off guard and it was pretty tough for me to deal with.

If this is the first time you've heard this, or this idea comes as a shock to you, send me an email, I will talk you through the grieving process. Trust me, I feel your pain.

The bad news is, this is true for all of us. There is no person that carries the responsibility for our happiness and feelings of contentment.

The good news is, that doesn't mean we are alone in our pursuit of peace and joy.

The One who is meant to help us find peace in who we are, and to find joy in difficult seasons, is Jesus.

No one else can do that for us, but Him.

Unfortunately many of us search for relationships to fix these God-sized problems, and we find ourselves constantly disappointed. Or we put the pressure and weight of these issues on people who care about us, and again we find ourselves disappointed, and they find themselves overwhelmed.

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

You ever feel weary or burdened? Yeah, me too.

Could you use some rest for your soul? I'm right there with you.

Jesus invites us to come to Him, to learn from Him, and in return He offers to teach us, to give us a lighter load, and rest.

So if you've been struggling in your relationships, or struggling with feelings of weight and weariness; come to Jesus. Focus on your relationship with Him, listen to what He says about you. Get that relationship close, and in good shape.

Truth is, if your relationship with Jesus isn't healthy, none of your others will be either.

The Value of Being Wrong

Like most people, I hate being wrong. I especially hate being wrong when I was almost certain I was right, or when it comes out of nowhere.

Today I had a really great conversation with a friend. It started out as just a normal conversation. We talked about life, told stories, shared experiences; and both of us allowed each other to ask deeper questions, and to speak to some pretty sensitive issues.

It was half scary, and half really enjoyable.

Through our conversation my friend began to see a pattern in some of my story that shined light on some areas that I had not seen before.

He chose to do something that was pretty daring.

Rather than letting it go, or avoiding a potentially uncomfortable conversation, he pointed it out to me. Not in a mean or judgmental way, he shared it carefully and in a kind manner.

I would love to tell you, when he presented it, I embraced it with a smile, and thanked him for his honesty. Instead, I met it with a little bit of defensiveness, and hesitancy.

I would like a little bit of credit that I did eventually come around though...

I love this passage Proverbs 27:6 "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy."

Please don't misunderstand, I'm not saying my friend "wounded" me. I am saying he had a conversation that wasn't flowery or complimentary, and I guess if there was any wounds, it was to my ego.

The part I want you to see is, this conversation was an example of kindness and love.

I want to encourage you, be in relationship with people who care enough about you to tell you the truth. Don't just surround yourself with people that only say what makes you feel good.

In the end, these types of honest conversations are what help us to grow, and move us forward.

It may sting, but it is so worth it!

Different But Still Really Awesome

Today, I had the privilege of subbing in the afternoon for the Middle School History class at ECS. ECS is a private school that is an extension of our church.

I had lunch with all the Middle Schoolers, and then sat with the students afterward in their class as they worked on their projects.

I don't remember a lot about Middle School, but what I do remember is how insecure I was, and how terrified I was of someone not liking me, or pointing out something about me that I didn't like.

As I see these students I see a wide variety of personalities, temperaments, and talents. They are so different, but they are all so awesome.

The kids who keep trying to talk to me about anything other than class work are pretty hilarious and will make tremendous business leaders. The students who are coming up with impossibly complex ideas for their group project will be great inventors and creative minds. The ones who are constantly asking the class to quiet down, and reminding the students in their group to stay on topic, are showing strong signs of leadership. The ones who are taking the assignment very seriously no doubt have bright scholastic futures in front of them.

Since I am a Dad of kids this age, or close to it, it is easy for me to see the promise and bright future in these kids. I am far enough removed from this stage in life, that I can see the eventual product of the young men and women they will become.

I can't help but wonder if this is how God sees all of us. We can get so focused on our imperfections and differences today that we don't see the creation we are becoming, or the beauty of the journey we are on now. We are keenly aware of our weaknesses, and the weaknesses of those around us.

If we could just step back far enough to see the process we are in, and the growth we are experiencing we might get a glimpse into how God sees us. Not as perfect, or complete, but as awesome, and in process!

Their Responsibility or Mine?

Do you ever worry that someone you love, will one day cease to love you back? Do you ever question whether your best friend, wants to stay your best friend? Does your mind race with doubt of whether the person you look up to, thinks you have what it takes?

I am sure all of us, on more than one occasion, has doubted that our loved ones will love us always. Part of the reason why we doubt, is we have experienced hurt or heart ache more than once; so it's easy to believe it will happen again.

The real question we need to ask ourselves, is what do we do when those types of thoughts come rushing in?

Often times our knee jerk reaction is to simply ask the people around us, "Do you still love me?" "Will you always be my friend?" "Do you think I have what it takes?"

Seems like an easy, nice and tidy fix.

The problem is, when we deal with feelings in this way only, we are putting the pressure to resolve our feelings on someone else. Most of the time, it is our own responsibility to work through those thoughts and feelings with God.

If I feel insecure, it is not my wife's or my friend's job to encourage that insecurity out of me. If I feel unsure of someone's respect for me, it is not their job to constantly remind me they respect me until I am no longer unsure.

Often times, the negative thoughts or feelings we are experiencing in our relationships are a reflection of something in us that needs to change.

If you find yourself constantly wondering if your friends and family value who you are, take a moment and process that with God, in light of His Word.

In Matthew 10, Jesus is talking to the disciples about how to deal with their fear of persecution. He reminds the disciples that not even a bird falls out of the sky dead, without God knowing about it. So if God is that concerned and attentive to the birds of the air, how much more is His mind toward us, the pride of His creation?

Matthew 10:31 "Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."

To put it plainly, you are incredibly valuable. When you don't feel valuable, you're wrong... you are valuable. If your friends or family treat you like you have no value... they are wrong to do so, you are valuable.

This may seem like a over simplified approach, but I encourage you to try it. When your mind gets stuck on one of those ugly thoughts, and you begin to reach out to ask someone else to put your mind at ease; pause first, take it to God, and see what He says about the issue.

I believe you will find, that not only will God help you through that one moment, He will help you avoid future moments like that one. He will remove the root of your doubt or fear, so those types of thoughts no longer return.

You Never Know

I remember when I was a pretty young guy, I was riding in a car with my Dad, and there was construction on WA-18 just north of Auburn. We were sitting still in the right lane, and a few cars were zooming past the stopped traffic to cut ahead of the line. I was so frustrated at their refusing to respect others and their disregard for the people following the rules. A few big trucks and cars began to pull out onto the shoulder to block those flying past. I asked my Dad why he wasn't helping to stop these cars.

His response shocked me, and it has stuck with me.

He said, "You never know what's going on in someone else's life. Maybe that car is rushing because his sick kid is sitting in the front seat bent over in pain, and he is rushing him to the hospital."

I am fairly confident the people racing past us were just being rude, but his point was still true. We never really know what is going on in the lives of people around us.

Consider your own story. Has there ever been a time in your life when you were hurting, dealing with a broken relationship, suffering through personal pain; and someone accused you of simply being rude, or disconnected? Their perception of your struggle was defined, not by what was true, but by their assumption of what was true.

It's incredibly frustrating and hurtful when this happens to us.

So why do we do it to others?

When Paul was writing to the church in Corinth he makes this statement.

2 Corinthians 2:11a "For who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him?" 

We don't really know anyone's story fully, and we certainly don't know what they are thinking or feeling in that moment.

So allow me to encourage you, consider as you encounter all sorts of people this week, to remember there is more to their story than what you see, and there is a mixed web of emotion and struggle beneath the surface that you know nothing of.

Instead of deciding why they are acting the way they are, offer them grace, offer them patience, offer them room to be imperfect. Hey, even let them cut in front of your car in traffic. You'll never really know why they are in such a hurry.

Your act of kindness might be just the thing they needed.

Stay Present in the Midst of the Rush

The last couple weeks of my life have been pretty crazy. It has felt like there is either something big happening, coming, or just getting over. 

This isn't terribly new for me, being a minister at a life-giving church, a husband to a wonderful wife, and dad to 6 awesome kids keeps me pretty busy most of the time. 

These days there is something I really try to focus on, even in midst of the crazy seasons. Slow down and be present in this moment.

When I went to college, Treasa and I were pretty young, we had 3 kids, I was working full time, I was volunteering at a church about 20-30 hours a week, and taking a full, or more than full, class load. I was stupid busy. The problem was, there were courses I took at school, events I led at the church, trips I took with my family, that I don't even really remember. I was so busy, and so focused on getting things "done" I didn't slow down enough to enjoy what I was doing. 

In a world of goals, dreams, and deadlines, it's easy for us to get so focused on getting things accomplished, that we don't slow down enough to actually experience the beauty and the wonder of the moment we are in. 

So this is my challenge to me, and to you...

Don't become so busy that you are just getting things done, running so quickly that you'll never even remember days like today. 

Sure, take the world by storm; but do it while slowing down enough to have a meaningful conversation with your kids. Reach that goal you set for yourself; but do it while really absorbing the book you are reading, allow the thoughts stirring in your mind to sink in and take root. 

Find the beauty in the tasks in front of you today, be present for them, engage deeply in conversation. You will be so glad you did.

 

Goals For the New Year

The New Year is here, and I've been thinking about how I want to approach 2016. I've always been goal setter, but maybe not in the traditional sense. For me, the new year is an opportunity to examine how I've been prioritizing, and make some adjustments along the way.

Before you think about turning away, I promise, this is not a "Exercise 3 times a week" list.

Okay, here is the list of things I am going to be focusing on in 2016.

1. Plan Vacations: Before you brush off this comment, I don't mean, take a couple trips, one to Disneyland, and one to Hawaii. That isn't my reality either. That doesn't mean we shouldn't be planning vacations. Maybe there are some friends, or family members you've been meaning to go visit. Take the time off, drive over and see them. Make some plans to check out the local sites, make a big deal of it. I've got some people in mind I'd like to see, and a couple cool camping trips in the works; a vacation is a vacation.

2. Planned Activities with my Kids: At the end of a long week, it's easy to simply live together, rather than taking time to do a family movie night, or playing a board game together. A weekend that just rolls by has far less a positive impact than a weekend where you plan at least one thing to do together. I personally love doing a big Saturday morning breakfast for the family. Play a game at table, have the kids help out. It's messy, but there are lots of laughs.

3. Go on Dates with My Wife: Having kids takes a lot of our time and energy, and even when people offer to watch kids, sometimes it's difficult to muster up the energy to get out do something. Every marriage needs time just the two of you alone, and it's even better if you can do something facing each other. Sitting quietly in a dark movie theater isn't exactly a great relationship building experience. Go to dinner, even do something out of the ordinary, check out a local band playing, go bowling. Just do something together, alone.

4. Read: If you wouldn't call yourself a reader, then don't try to bite off more than you can chew. Start off by reading a couple blogs each week. Take a few minutes to read an interesting article. Start there, and work your way up. You don't have to agree with everything you read, or soak it all up as truth; it will help sharpen your mind, and engage your imagination.

5. Trust Others: I am the last person to tell anyone how to do this. I just know I really struggle to trust people. I tend to question whether people are being honest, if they really care about me, and what their hidden motivation might be. This type of thinking is insulting to others, and it puts the breaks on any potential friendship you may have the opportunity to develop.

6. Do What I Feel is Right, No Matter What: What I specifically mean here is, don't wait for others to take the first step, or to approve of my action before making a move. I find myself weighing way too many of my decisions on what others seem to be doing. If I know I need to show kindness to someone else, I'm not going to wait for the other person to make the first step toward me.

7. Forgive Quickly: Forgiveness is hard to live out. Quick forgiveness is even harder, in fact it feels impossible at times. I guess the realization I'm coming to is, I know God wants me to forgive others eventually. So by waiting to forgive, all I'm doing is holding on to something I know I'll eventually let go of, so why wait? You are going to need people to forgive you this year, so forgive others... And do it fast. 

8. Smaller Portions, More Exercise: I promise this is my only diet and exercise goal. This is something that is both important to me, and incredibly hard for me to be consistent on. So I'm setting a goal I know I can knock out of the park. When I order food, make myself a plate etc, I'm going to eat less. When I'm 80% finished with my meal, I'm going to stop eating. I have a gym membership, so I'm going to use it consistently, if that means once a week to start with, then that's where I'll start. 

9. Stop to Celebrate: This one I really need to work on. I am such a big picture person, I am constantly thinking about what needs to be tackled down the road. With that comes the mistake of never celebrating what gets done. This is a really bad habit especially if you are leading teams. I need to stop and celebrate the finish lines we cross, the projects we wrap up, and the goals we achieve.

10. Mentor people, Be Mentored: If you're like me, it's difficult to imagine yourself a mentor. We are so aware of what we don't know, it's hard to imagine we know enough to help anyone else. Truth is, there is always someone who could benefit from spending time with you. So find someone who is a similar path to you, and a few years behind. Take them to coffee, ask lots of questions, and be the worlds greatest encourager. Then every once in a while, if needed, offer advice. As for being mentored, ask someone who you would like to learn from to spend time with them. Show up with great questions, be really transparent and honest, and apply what they suggest you try.

This is my list, what did I forget? What would you add or take off of your list?