To See and Trust

In my life I have had the opportunity to work with a lot of different people, from all backgrounds, differing gifts, and all ages. Many times I have worked with them, but there are several times I have worked "for" them, and even some of them have worked "for" me. 

In light of this, there are a couple powerful realities I have observed. One is, it is a gift when you see someone, and realize and believe they can accomplish something well. We have all likely experienced this, when we are talking about an opportunity, or project, and someone says, "You would be perfect for this!" or perhaps, you've said it to others, as the realities of the challenge or opportunity become clear, you see the person, their gifts, their experience and come to the conclusion, they were made for this moment, that there isn't a better person to take it on. These are really great moments. It feels good to hear it, and it feels great to say it. 

Another observation is, it is a powerful choice to trust someone. Trust is a tricky thing. I confess for me, it is difficult for me to trust people. Part of that is, there are times I have allowed past experiences to shape how I see people; so at times, I don't start from a place of neutral trust gaining, I start from a place of mistrust. I don't think I'm alone in that, but that is a topic for another day. However, because of this, I am even more aware of what a gift trust really is. To look at a person, and say, "I believe you can do this, and do this well, and I'm going to walk away with the expectation that good things will come from you doing this, even though I'm not watching to observe." Now obviously, I over exaggerate the statement to make a point, that point being, trust looks like something. 

Romans 14:9 says, So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

We are called to build each other up, and I have found, these two words, are some of the most powerful in this venture. We build by seeing, and we make peace by trusting.

So my simple encouragement to you, is for you to consider, who are you really seeing? And who are you really trusting? If the answer is no one, is that the answer God would desire you? Who might have God put in your path to challenge you in this way?

What I would Say to the 20 Year Old Me

I have thought so many times, if I had a way to go back in time to talk with the 20 year old version of me, how many things I would say.

I would likely start off by just smacking me around for a while, but afterward, I would talk about priorities.

I would talk about what really matters, and what really doesn't. I would talk about marriage, and what it means to be a great husband, how it will feel a lot like hard work, but a spouse that you love unconditionally becomes your closest friend. I would talk about being a Dad, and what it takes to be consistent, how to love your kids how they need to be loved, not just what comes easy to you. I would talk about how you will never regret any effort you put into supporting your kids, but you will regret every opportunity you missed. I would talk about friendship, how the friends that selflessly want to see you grow are hard to find, so give back to them, and lean into them when you need to. I would talk about how no one was meant to be an island, and great friends make the most difficult of seasons much more bearable.

How much heartache I would save myself and others if I could go back and speak those things to the younger me.

Unfortunately, that opportunity is never going to come to me, or to you.

But don't just get frustrated, there is something great that you still can do.

Proverbs 13:20 says "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools suffer harm."

Even if you can't take all this information and share it with the 20 year old "you"; you can take this information and share it with a 20 year old someone.

God has given all of us a measure of wisdom. Through mistakes and victories, we learn things that help us to live more effectively. So share that information with the younger generation God has placed around you. Save them from some of the heartache you experienced. Save them from making the choices like the ones you made that hurt others.

In addition, God has given a measure of wisdom to those who are further down the road of life than you, listen to them, learn from them. After all, sticking solely to what you know, and only spending time with those who are in the same place as you, will cause you to "suffer harm."

Different But Still Really Awesome

Today, I had the privilege of subbing in the afternoon for the Middle School History class at ECS. ECS is a private school that is an extension of our church.

I had lunch with all the Middle Schoolers, and then sat with the students afterward in their class as they worked on their projects.

I don't remember a lot about Middle School, but what I do remember is how insecure I was, and how terrified I was of someone not liking me, or pointing out something about me that I didn't like.

As I see these students I see a wide variety of personalities, temperaments, and talents. They are so different, but they are all so awesome.

The kids who keep trying to talk to me about anything other than class work are pretty hilarious and will make tremendous business leaders. The students who are coming up with impossibly complex ideas for their group project will be great inventors and creative minds. The ones who are constantly asking the class to quiet down, and reminding the students in their group to stay on topic, are showing strong signs of leadership. The ones who are taking the assignment very seriously no doubt have bright scholastic futures in front of them.

Since I am a Dad of kids this age, or close to it, it is easy for me to see the promise and bright future in these kids. I am far enough removed from this stage in life, that I can see the eventual product of the young men and women they will become.

I can't help but wonder if this is how God sees all of us. We can get so focused on our imperfections and differences today that we don't see the creation we are becoming, or the beauty of the journey we are on now. We are keenly aware of our weaknesses, and the weaknesses of those around us.

If we could just step back far enough to see the process we are in, and the growth we are experiencing we might get a glimpse into how God sees us. Not as perfect, or complete, but as awesome, and in process!

An Honest Conversation

Let's have an honest conversation.

If you have spent any time around me, you have heard me use this expression. Maybe even to an obnoxious degree.

Even still, I feel like it is such a crucial part to healthy living, and healthy relationships, I can't see myself changing that anytime soon.

There have been many times in my life, or in the life of close friends and family, where tension or a conflict has come up, and the best answer is simply an honest conversation.

Yet an honest conversation is not on their mind for a potential solution.

In the Old Testament there is a prophet named Samuel. Samuel was a good man, and a godly man. People respected him, and God trusted him. He did what he was supposed to, and people saw that.

The problem is, Samuel had a couple sons who were not like their dad. In fact, they were kind of the opposite of their dad.

So we see in 1 Samuel 8:5 God's people say to Samuel, "Behold, you are old and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now appoint for us a king to judge us like all the nations." 

Rather than talk to Samuel about the need to confront his sons, or relay the people's displeasure with how Samuel's sons were acting; they chose to make a major sweeping change of how they operate. They didn't want God to be their King any longer, they wanted a man for a king.

This story in Samuel is pretty complex with a lot of other factors to consider, but this big idea is pretty easily applicable to our daily lives.

How many times do we make a major change, or go out of our way to avoid someone rather than just talk about what is wrong?

How many friends or co-workers do you have that your stomach secretly turns as they do or say something you don't like? Why don't you say anything about it?

Life is messy, and complicated. Relationships at work or at home aren't any different. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try our best to work through and deal with the issues that come up along the way.

Sure, we should be gracious to each other when we have an off day. Yes, we should always choose to forgive when someone hurts or lets us down.

We should also commit to have honest conversations when there is tension or a difficult situation we are facing.

So here is my challenge to you. Sit down with your friend about what you are feeling, and talk to them about it. Sit down with your family member and express to them what you are seeing.

Approach the conversation with the desire to see things improve, or be restored.

It may feel uncomfortable, it may be awkward, and you may even word something in a way you didn't intend; but at least you are talking about it.

Choose to have an honest conversation, and you will see, it wasn't as bad as you thought, and it may even work out to be a benefit in disguise.

5 Things You Need, to Build Unity in Your Team

All of us are a part of some sort of team.

Whether it is your family, your co-workers, your church, or a club you belong to, everyone is a part of a team.

Unfortunately that doesn't mean everyone is a part of a healthy team, or a team that operates from a
place of unity.

Reality is, we all likely have a story about a toxic team, or an unhealthy environment we have been a part of.

One thing I am sure we could all agree on, unity is awesome and lack of unity isn't any fun. 

So here are 5 things, I believe will help any team, regardless of the type or size, grow in unity.  

1. Truth in Love

Many people choose to live on one side or the other of this issue. 

Some say they want to love people. So they only say nice things, and if they can't think of something encouraging, they choose to say nothing. They don't want to hurt people, so they stick to loving uplifting statements only.

The other group of people are the truth police. They walk around pointing out the faults and mistakes of others. They leave behind a trail of insecurity and hurt feelings, all while flying their banner of truth.

Both of these people are wrong. Real love means being honest with each other. Truth without love for people is just meanness. 

To be a part of a team that lives in unity, you need to commit to being honest with each other. This means communicating truthfully, but in a way that clearly expresses your care for the other person.   

2. Celebrate Each Others Ups

I remember a long time ago I was with a friend who was honored in a really cool way. He had done something pretty remarkable, and was received the kudos he was clearly due. The problem was, I was sick with envy and frustration that he was getting it. 

I found myself visibly upset, because someone else was getting praise. After that day, I committed to God I never wanted to find myself in that position ever again. I have since used my response to others victories as a meter for how healthy I am. If others are experiencing a great moment, and I am having to force a smile, there is some work that needs to be done in my heart. 

To have unity, you need to learn to be just as happy for your team members victory, as you are for your own. 

3. Grieve Each Others Downs

The other side of this issue is when your teammates are having a bad day, or experiencing a down moment. 

This principle works the same way, but in reverse. When your teammate is down, are you glad they are down and not you? Or do you want to help them back up? 

Use these moments as a self check. If you see them down and out, and you are having to fight off a smile, there is some serious work that needs to be done in your heart. 

You will never find a sense of unity if you aren't able to empathize with your team member in their low moments. 

4. Think Team Win, not the Individual Win

The natural follow up to these last two ideas is this simple concept. You have to view wins and losses as a team, not as individuals. If one of your team members is down, you are down too. If one of your team members is being celebrated, your team is being celebrated too.

This mentality will greatly help you in how you respond to your teams current circumstance. If you take your teams current standing personally, you will be invested in their ability to bounce back, and you will have a sense of personal accomplishment when they knock something out of the park.  

Unity is not only working together, it is realizing you rise and fall together as well. 

5. Make Room For Others

I think the underlining issue that makes some of these steps difficult to walk out, is we believe that there is only so much acclamation to be had. We believe there is only so many "atta boys" that can be given, and a very small platform for the victors. 

That simply isn't true.

There is room for all of us to succeed, there is room for many to shine. Even more than that, the team victory is so much better than individual one. 

This is my list of what it takes to make unity. What would you add to the list? Or what would you take off?

Pain with Vision is Easy

Growing up, I had this really awful habit. Whenever I felt like saying something, I said it. It didn't matter if it was none of my business, if it was hurtful to others, if I was only partially sure, or if I only had a small piece of the information.

If I could think it, I would say it.

As you can imagine, that brought on some difficult moments for me, and especially for those around me.

Since then, I have learned that just because something crossed my mind, does not in any way suggest I must say it.

Unfortunately, that is hard to do.

Have you ever had one of those moments? When you are sure your insight needs to be shared. Your perspective just has to be thrown in there. People need to know what you know.

But not really.

This lesson has become especially important now that I am a Dad.

It is hard to hold back something I want to say, when my brain is convinced I must say it. Unless the comment is directed at my 10 year old daughter.

When holding back a thought, or a comment will benefit someone I love, keeping my mouth shut becomes really easy. When the momentary pain of self-discipline will benefit the vision I have for a bright future for one of my kids, the decision becomes simple.

When we have clear vision, the momentary pain we experience has a purpose. Pain with a purpose is easy to endure.

Whether your issue is like mine, and you struggle to keep your mouth shut, or another issue like pushing on when you don't feel like it; let me offer you this piece of advice.

Seek to find a clear vision for your life, your relationships, and your future. If you have a vision for where you are wanting to go, or how you want to grow, or see a loved one grow, you will find the momentary pain you experience, easier to endure.

Pain with vision is easy to live with.

The First Step of Learning

I often meet people that want to learn something new, or grow in an area of their life, but they are stuck at the starting line.

I think most people struggle to learn something new, or grow in a particular area of their life, because they get stuck on Step 1.

Imagine for a moment you are in a conversation and you are sharing your understanding of a subject, and someone responds to your statement by saying, "No, that isn't correct, this is what is true..." They clearly communicate that you are wrong, and then use facts and details to affirm that you were indeed incorrect in your thinking or understanding.

How does that make you feel? How do you respond in moments like this?

All of us respond to these kind of moments differently. Some of us, would see this person as rude. Some would tell them to keep their thoughts to themselves. Some would be mortified at sharing information that was incorrect. Some would say their day would be ruined after a moment like this.

The reality is, this kind of moment perfectly outlines why so many get stuck in their learning process.

They hate being wrong.

I know that being wrong is uncomfortable, but I want you to consider changing your mind about wrong.

I want you to learn to embrace wrong.

The first step in learning, is being wrong. More specifically, accepting that you "don't know", "can't", "haven't learned", "don't understand", or "don't get it".

Being wrong is okay. In fact, I want to encourage you to embrace the power of your wrongness.

Accepting that you are wrong is the groundwork for beginning your journey of learning.

In Proverbs 18:15 it says, "An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge." To learn, you first have to choose to listen to others, and embrace the reality that they may possess something you do not.

So here is my challenge to you this week. Be openly wrong. Be openly mistaken. Let someone know that you can't, or that you don't understand.

When you gain the courage to do so, and the moment of wrong comes... choose to smile.

Remember, in order to learn, you first have to understand and accept that you have room to learn.

So get out there and be wrong, make a mistake, confess your ignorance, and then get to learning.

Patience Partnered with Love

You know that person that has a personality that just rubs you the wrong way? Maybe it's something insignificant like the sound of their voice, or whistle their nose makes. Maybe it's something a little more substantial like differing points of view on a topic you are passionate about, or they have said or done something that deeply affected you.

Whatever the reason, you find your patience stretched, and you are tempted to react in a way that normally you wouldn't.

We have all been there, and we have all reacted in a way we regret. So what are we supposed to do in these moments? It feels like we have done all we can, and we are ready to blow.

I have a suggestion for you to consider. You don't just have a patience problem, you also have a love problem.

1 Peter 4:8 says, "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."

Patience that is rooted in love, goes a lot further than patience that is rooted in self-discipline.

So the next time you find yourself feeling thin, and when you are tempted to react in a way you know you will regret later, consider this thought.

Ask God to increase your patience, but also ask that God would increase your love too.

The Power of Real Friendship

I confess I have never been real great at building deep friendships. I am not sure if it's just the fear of being vulnerable with other people, or something else. Yet, the friendships I have kept over a long period of time, have added such value to my life.

With that said, my definition of friendship has changed drastically over the years. Most of my friendships early on were based off who I could have the most fun with, or who would join me in my crazy adventures.  

Growing up I had a small group of people I would call my close friends. Of that group, there is really only one that I would still consider a close friend. Not because I don't like the others, or we had some terrible falling out. 

Truth is, the reason why most of the other friendships faded, was I never took the time to develop those relationships into anything deeper than just a friendship of convenience. 

Real friends, and real friendships are powerful, and life changing. Friendship is a gift from God. The Old Testament story of David and Jonathan shows an amazing story of two friends who were so committed to each other, that even when the entire world seemed to push them apart, they still cared about each other, still encouraged each other, still told each other the truth. 

It's a scary thing to commit to stand with someone, no matter what. To choose to be there even when you're tired; to speak hard truths when you'd rather be silent; to forgive even when it really hurts. 

Yet, these are the friendships that truly help us grow. The friendships that carry us through the most difficult times. These friendships are truly powerful.

So allow me to encourage you with this thought, if you haven't put the effort into building some strong, lasting friendships, consider giving it a try. If you haven't allowed yourself to let your guard down long enough to let some real friends in, consider giving it a try.

Choose to be a real friend, and allow them to be a real friend to you. It is a gift from God, and it will change your life for the better.

Learning to Be Compassionate

Compassion is something that comes easier to some than it does to others. 

I am not sure exactly where I fall in that scale; but I'm guessing right around "It could be worse, but I can definitely do better."

I am guessing you are probably somewhere in that same scale.  

Truth is, the bar Jesus set for compassion is pretty remarkable. There were so many times when Jesus encountered a person, a group of people, or a situation, and He had compassion on them. 

He didn't show compassion to only one type of person. Jesus showed compassion for the rich and poor, family and strangers, good and bad. He showed compassion to all sorts of people, in all sorts of situations. 

I was on my way to drop my kids off at school a couple days ago, and my oldest forgot to bring the lunch his Mom packed him. It wasn't the first time. It wasn't even the first time that week. I was feeling way more frustration than compassion. I told him, he had to learn this lesson, so I guess he would go hungry that day. 

I dropped him off at his entrance, and continued on to take his younger sister to drop her off at her class. As we were walking to her classroom she started crying. It came completely out of the blue, she was in great spirits that morning. So I asked her, "What's wrong?" With tears in her eyes, she said, "Just bring Isaiah my lunch, I don't want him to be hungry." 

She couldn't handle the idea that her brother would go hungry. So she would rather give up her lunch so he didn't have to endure that. 

I promised Priscilla I would go get Isaiah a lunch and bring it to him, and dropped her off in class.

You can imagine my response following this moment. I was frustrated at the inconvenience that came my way. I put my feelings far before my son and his need. My ten-year-old daughter was moved to tears by her compassion for her brothers struggle.

The take away from this? I imagine Jesus is a lot more like Priscilla was in this moment, and a lot less like I was.

I hope you can learn from this lesson like I did. 

I pray you would be motivated to show compassion to others this week.   

Do For Others, What You Wish They Did For You

Have you ever been walking through life, minding your own business, and this epiphany comes flying out of nowhere, and knocks you over. 

I had one of these moments today. I was talking with a friend, and as we were joking, he said, "Do for others what you want done for you, not just what was done to you." 

It was a simple statement but it really hit me hard in that moment. I need to treat people and help people, in a way that I want to be treated and helped. 

I think sometimes when we look at someone struggling, we feel a sense of satisfaction if we suffered in a similar way. We can think to ourselves, "I had to suffer through that, so they should too!" As I write that out, I admit I feel a bit of shame for even confessing I have thought that way! 

Jesus said in John 13:34 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another."

When we love people, how Jesus instructs us to love people, we should be compelled to help them avoid the same suffering we have endured; not celebrate that they have to suffer too.

So consider this thought, when you see someone going through a struggle you have endured before, stop and help them out! You know how much you didn't like it. Chances are, they don't like it exactly as much as you did.

If we can help someone out, we should right? So get to work! 

Stop Thinking That

How many of you remember Thumper's line from the movie Bambi?

"If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."

Our parents, our teachers, our friends have often used this phrase to help us grow. Trouble is, for many of us, living out this phrase is the closest to growth we may ever achieve.

We can think all sorts of ugly things, but as long as we don't say it, we are good.

Please hear me when I say, do not settle for this type of good.

In Philippians 4:8 it says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

It matters what we say, but we shouldn't focus only on the words we vocalize.

Rather, we need to focus on the source of where those words came from.

We shouldn't just try and change what comes out of our mouth. The answer is to allow God to change what is in our heart, the source.

Yet for many of us, the best we have hoped for, is a measure of success in not letting our ugly thoughts slip out.

God has promised us more than that.

2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "We break down every thought and proud thing that puts itself up against the wisdom of God. We take hold of every thought and make it obey Christ."

In some translations it says, "... take every thought captive, and make it obey Christ."

We need to be assessing and looking for change in our thoughts, not just our words.

When an ugly thought comes up, we shouldn't simply say, "I better not say that."

Rather, we should respond with, "God change my way of thinking, so that type of thought is no longer in me."

It takes more work to allow God to make these types of changes in us, but the end result is long lasting, instead of momentary.

When God changes the way we think, it is a long term change. When we keep an ugly thought from slipping out, that only saves us in that one moment.

Let's choose to focus on allowing God to change our thoughts, and we will find our mouths require much less attention.

5 Things Your Pastor Wish You Knew

Here is a short list trying to simplify a complicated issue. I won't tell you that every Pastor agrees with this list, but I am sure many will!



1. We Need Your Help

No one is an island. Not even your Pastor.

It often seems in the church, that there is more to do, than there are people to do it.

Find ways to help and be involved.

Also keep this in mind, if you offer to help your Pastor, then ask them to "help you help" you are missing an opportunity to take something off their plate.

Sometimes the greatest blessing you can give your Pastor is to quietly accomplish something that needs to be done.


2. We Know Our Kids Aren't Perfect... And That's Okay

In many circles we hear the phrase PK's, "Pastor's Kids" for those who don't know, as a negative thing.

Perhaps this comes from Pastors putting too much time in at the church, and not enough time in at home. *Refer to #1

In addition to that, I think some of the rebellious things we see Pastor's kids do, is because of the pressure they feel to be perfect. Often times this pressure comes from people in the church.

An 8 year old is an 8 year old, regardless of what their parents do for a living.

So give your Pastor's kids grace to be kids. Your Pastor and the PK's will be better for it!


3. Sometimes We Don't Know The Answer

Amidst the constant questions of, "What does this verse mean?" or, "What should I do in this situation?" It is easy for your Pastor to become coerced into thinking they need to have all the answers.

So when your Pastor does tell you they don't know the answer, or they aren't sure what to do; don't look at them with terror in your eyes.

Leave room for your Pastor to be unsure.



4. We Want You To Ask Us How We Are Doing


You may be tired of hearing your Pastor ask, "How are you?"

Chances are, your Pastor isn't tired of you asking them!

Ministry can feel pretty one sided. Your Pastor loves you, and cares about you, and wants to know how you are doing.

Your Pastor would also like to know that you love them, care about them, and want to know how they are doing.



5. We Also Have 24 Hours In Our Day

In order to last in full time ministry for any length of time, you need to love people, and love helping people.

That can lead to a pretty full plate.

Your Pastor's desire to help, and the church's need for help often leads to your Pastor feeling spread thin.

I know you are just asking for 30 minutes, or you only call in the evenings once or twice a month, but if you and 50 other people are doing that... well, do the math.

Remember your Pastor has a job, a family, friends, (maybe) and in some extreme cases, they may even have a hobby outside the church.


 I hope you find this list helpful, but remember don't just read this list, find ways to apply what you learned!

If you are a Pastor, Pastor's Spouse, or PK, I would love to know if you agree with these, or what you would add to the list!

Change From The Inside Out

I have had a couple really great conversations over the last week that have got me thinking.

It seems to me, that we can all become so fixated on exterior visible change, that we end up neglecting, or failing to show value to the change that happens internally.

What I mean by that is, rather than celebrating, or encouraging each other in our journey of surrendering our hearts to Jesus, and allowing Him to change how we feel and think, we are constantly scanning and making judgements based on the outward results we see.

Whether in a coffee shop, or church on a Sunday morning, people scan the room watching people, and making decisions; looking for exterior things to motivate, or squash the idea of connection.

In 1 Samuel 16:7 God is talking to the Prophet Samuel about choosing the new king. When Samuel arrived to the place God sent him, he saw a large powerful man, and immediately assumed, this must be the new king, yet God had a different plan. "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.'"

Upon appearance alone, Samuel had made a judgement call, yet he was incorrect in his assessment. The future king was King David, a man of smaller in stature than his brothers. It was not King David's physical size that captured God's attention, rather it was the size of his heart.

Please allow me to encourage you in two different areas.

First, let me encourage you, if you are trying to look like the kind of person you feel people would accept, love, or receive, it's time to change. Rather, ask God to give you the heart of a King, a heart after God's heart.

Second, let me encourage you, if you are depending on outward things to determine what kind of people you surround yourself with, it's time to change. Appearance and outward shells are fleeting and can be deceptive. God looks at the content of the heart, so should we.

Think Differently

I am a little embarrassed to say this, but I can remember the day, when I came to the realization that people did not think exactly the same as I do.

I was in my early 20's and this radical thought came to mind, "Just because I see things in a particular light, does not mean everyone else sees it the same way."

I say I am embarrassed because I feel like that is a truth we all should come to grips with at a much younger age.

In the moments where I forget this truth, I end up jumping to some poorly drawn conclusions.

I end up putting my reactions, my thoughts, my biases, my weaknesses, my strengths, my experiences, into another person's mind.

It is a strange thing to do, but we all do it.

So let me give you some examples, and explain why it is so important to avoid this type of thinking.

As a Dad of six uniquely beautiful, uniquely intelligent, uniquely talented kids I am compelled to understand and communicate with each of them in a way that is effective for them as an individual.

I have a son, who is very sensitive to any hint of negativity in your voice or language. If I have had a bad day, I need to make sure I am "ready" to communicate with him, lest I accidentally hurt his precious heart.

I have a daughter who needs quality conversation about things that have meaning to her. I may feel the subject is above her head, or that the subject matter is outside of my interest areas, but that doesn't really matter much to her. She loves to be engaged in great conversation.

If I were to think for my son, and decide on my own what kind of language is sensitive enough, I would frequently hurt him. If I were to choose what is an appropriate amount of conversation, and what is the right content for our talks, I would not be meeting a very real need my daughter has.

There is another element in this we must consider as well.

Not only do we need to engage in a way that has meaning for others, we need to be careful not to decide how people should respond to a situation.

Perhaps you are like me, and have caught yourself saying, "They really overreacted in that situation." In reality, what we are truly saying is, "They should not have felt such strong emotion in that situation, because I did not, or would not have felt that way."

You are completely unique and beautiful. You are a wondrous creation made up of gifts, talents, skills and passions. Your temperament is a compilation of the many moments and experiences you have walked through up to today.

That is wonderful, and God loves you completely just as you are.

So love others and treat them as they are, completely different than you. Give them room to react differently, to think differently, and to be different than you.

I will do my best, to pay the same kindness to you.

Cover It Up With Love

Have you ever noticed that people are imperfect?

In our relationships, we are constantly making the decision of which imperfections to point out, and which ones to overlook.

It is just a part of being in relationship with people. Yet, I think many of us could use some adjusting at how we approach this issue.

I have heard several times, of one person being upset, because another person is too critical. They feel as though they are constantly being picked apart.

Generally speaking, the person who is accused is a good-natured person. Yet for some reason they come across as overly critical.

I have heard many topics of conflict. They range from, "they are terrible with money", "they never follow through", "they are always late", "they are too insensitive", "they never listen", and the list goes on and on.

It is rare that the issue of contention is a non-issue.

What I mean by that is, people generally don't argue about issues that don't matter at all. I have yet to hear people argue over the fact that their first and last name don't rhyme.

I will say however, that just because the issue is a real issue, does not mean it needs to be constantly confronted or talked about.

Whenever we are in relationship with someone, and we see an area of weakness, we are faced with a few different options.

1. We can pretend we didn't see it, and hold our thoughts in.
2. We can hint around about what we see, but never really say anything directly.
3. We can say something directly, but not necessarily every time.
4. We can say something directly every time, or nearly every time.

These are the primary options I think most of us use.

Today, I would like to suggest an additional option.

1 Peter 4:8 says, Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Sometimes the solution when you see an imperfection in someone else, is to ask God to increase your love for the other person.

I know it seems like a crazy concept. You may be thinking, "They are the one with the problem!"

Well you are right, but so are you.

They have a problem with money, or time management; but you have a love problem.

So rather than arguing about whether or not the issue is worth an argument; ask God to increase your love for that person.

Allow the source of the argument to be covered with love.

If you are worried about whether or not this will work, just remember, "... love covers over a multitude of sins."

So yeah, it probably will work.


Interested in reading about what to say, if you believe it is an issue worth addressing? Click Here

Blurry Vision

Self awareness is for the birds. 

I remember sitting on a couch in my friend's living room. We were having deep philosophical conversations about life and all the worlds problems. We jumped from topic to topic including religion, politics, and life in general. 

Finally we came to the topic of blind spots in our life. We talked about people who were unaware of the areas in their life they needed to grow in. 

I remember thinking to myself, I am glad I don't have any blind spots. Then out of my insecurity, I asked my friend, "do you think there are any blind spots in my life?" 

I was unhappy with his answer. In fact, I was unhappy he had an answer.

He said the statement we all hate to hear, "you really want me to answer that?" Unfortunately, there is only one appropriate answer to that question, and I am convinced that no one answers it honestly. "Yeah, of course I want to know."

What he said next shocked me, and broke open something in my mind and heart. He lovingly let me know that I have a tendency to dismiss people once I determine the relationship is not worth the work. 

I have always considered myself to be a mostly kind person. I know some of my thoughts are a little less than cordial, and I admit that from time to time I have made a decision to separate myself from someone. Yet I thought to myself, surely no one had noticed. Unfortunately, they had noticed.

As much as it hurt to hear this, it was really a great thing to know. I had a blind spot that others were picking up on. I was hurting people, and I didn't know it. 

It made me face the reality that, I am not completely self aware.

That may not sound like life-changing information. Yet how many of us walk around assuming that all of our faults are hidden? We think our unkind thoughts are not coming across in our tone, or in our actions. 

1 Corinthians 1:13a says "Now we see a blurred image in a mirror. Then we will see very clearly."

Like I said at the beginning, self awareness is for the birds. It isn't fun to accept the fact that we have blind spots, or that we show our weakness and insecurity more than we would like to. 

There is beauty found in accepting this fact. If we realize we have faults and weaknesses, we are free to submit these to God, and ask for His help to change them. 

So join me in accepting our imperfection, then let's approach God and ask for His help to change.  

Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

Just over a week ago, the beloved Pastor of my youth, Rev. John Egerdahl passed away.

Pastor John is the brightest mind I have ever encountered, but that is not what I think of, when I remember him. I sat under him for countless sermons on countless Sundays, and learned many biblical concepts.

Yet the moments I remember most fondly, are the moments we sat in his office at the church, or the office at his house.

John, the greatest giant of the faith I have ever known, poured personally into my life. He spoke to me about my role as a man, my role as a father and husband, and my role as a Pastor. Our encounters usually looked like me sitting down, with paper and pencil, and him speaking about whatever he felt led to share with me that day.

I would ask questions as he quickly listed off books and authors and Greek and Hebrew words to research. He would list Bible passages so quickly, I would rarely be able to write down all of what he said.

I still have those lists, and many of the books I have bought and read are at his recommendation.

But that is not the part of the conversation I remember most fondly.

In our conversations, there were always moments where as John was speaking, he would begin to become overwhelmed with something God had done in his life, or a truth from God's Word would come flooding over him. Pastor John, my hero, would begin to cry.

Even in our most recent visits where his health was failing, his love for God, his love for God's Word, and his love for me had not faded.

I have struggled this last week in continuing on with my daily tasks, because I have so frequently been fondly remembering these moments.

This is what I believe God has been showing me in this time. I pray it speaks to you, as it has spoken to me.

Don't ever lose your hunger for God's Word.

Don't ever allow knowledge of God's Word, to replace your love for God and His people.

Always find time for people, and invest in them.

Freely share with others, what you have learned, and what has been shared with you.

Don't be afraid to allow others to see on the outside, what God is doing on the inside.

Take time, to stop and cry.

My life will forever be changed, because Pastor John was in it. I like to believe that if you look closely, you can see bits and pieces of him in me. It means the world to me, that he expressed his love for me, and his pride in me. He encouraged me by saying he saw that I was growing, and would continue to grow into a great Pastor.

I guess this is the heart of what I want to share. God has likely placed people by each of us that we could learn so much from. Don't be afraid to ask for time to sit with them. Bring your paper and pen, then listen and write.

Each of us are capable of doing great things; but if we humble ourselves and submit to the wisdom of those around us, we can gain so much more. In short, we can do even greater things while standing on the shoulders of giants.

I love you Pastor John, thank you for pouring into my life. You were indeed a giant of the faith.

When the Right Words Are Hard to Find

I have come to grips with the fact that no matter how hard I work at growing and changing, I will always have room to grow.

We can realize that change will always be needed, then as a result, give up on changing. 

But that would be a terrible idea. 

I have this little exercise I walk through, in order to help me in my journey. I simply picture myself in High School, or shortly after. I think about the things I said, the things I did, and how I treated people. 

That is all the motivation I need. 

I had a couple conversations this week that have served as reminders, that continual growth is needed. These conversations were with people I care about, and in the end, I felt good about where the conversation went. 

Even still, I was reminded how my words and my actions directly affect all those around me. 

As hard as it is to accept this, we need to. 

Our growth benefits others just as much, or even more, as it benefits us.

Let me encourage you, don't get discouraged in the small steps along your journey.

Proverbs 21:5 says, Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind.

When we neglect the need to grow long term, the best we can accomplish is moments and seasons of temporary change. When we only pay attention to the day to day improvements we are making; we can miss the magnitude of growth we are experiencing over time.  It is the diligent work of long term effort that really shines through time. 

When we live that way, we can look back further, and learn to appreciate how far we have come.

So when the right words are hard to find, learn to be grateful. 

The wrong words you use today, are certainly better than your best effort ten years ago. 

We All Have Room For Improvement

One of my favorite things to do, is have long conversations about the areas of my life where I am weakest.

Not really.

I think the only thing worse than focusing on my weaknesses, is the stress associated with pretending they aren't there.

We all feel pretty comfortable saying we aren't perfect. Yet to talk about our areas of weakness is a totally different conversation.

I remember an interview where they asked me, "what is my greatest weakness". I thought for a second, and then said, "I get bored really fast."

The half confused, half blank stare on his face was pretty telling; he wasn't expecting that kind of an answer. He was looking for an answer like, "sometimes, I just care too much." or, "I have a tendency to try a little too hard in my tasks."

He was not expecting my confession of frequent boredom.

Truth is, a lot of times we ask questions when we don't expect an honest answer. We ask how people are doing, and when they answer with, "not good.", we get really uncomfortable, and feel a bit inconvenienced.

Weakness is a part of our mortal character. We are all here for a limited window. We work hard to understand and grow, but that takes time.

The irony isn't lost on me; that the never changing God, described in Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today..."; commands me to change, described in Romans 12:2 "... be transformed...".

The difference between me and God is, I still have room for improvement.

So let's embrace the reality that we are indeed imperfect. Let's be willing to talk about those weaknesses with those who love us and can help us grow in those areas.

After all, we all have room for improvement.