The Life of a Parent

I love being a Dad, it's something I wake up excited about, and I go to bed grateful for. Parenting does however, come with some challenges. 

Since my kids are often on my mind, there are times my mind plays out some interesting scenarios of problems that, "might happen some day" 

I had a thought this morning after dropping off my kids at school. I had this awesome conversation with my oldest daughter Priscilla. She is 11 years old, she is funny, witty, ridiculously creative, and strikingly beautiful. One of my favorite things about her is, she talks to me like i'm her friend. 

So this morning we were talking about what she is going to do with her free time during Christmas break. She talked about getting some rest, doing some baking with her Mom, hanging out with friends, and spending time doing some art. She used to paint more often, and she wants to take some time to paint during this break. I love that she thinks of things like that, when I was her age, I thought about TV, climbing trees, and food. 

After I dropped her and the other kids off, I was walking into work, and this thought came out of nowhere, and it totally freaked me out. 

Now I am about to be vulnerable here, so please don't judge me... 

I thought, "Since my daughter is so free thinking and artistic, there is a really good chance she is going to want a nose ring some day... What in the world am I supposed to do if that day comes!?" 

Now before you get carried away, I really am not bothered by tattoos, or piercings, or any of that stuff. My struggle wasn't with piercings, I was struggling with MY daughter having a nose ring. 

After allowing this idea to plague my mind for about an hour, I came to this conclusion. If that day does come, and during one of our talks, she mentions wanting a nose ring... I am going to be excited that my daughter is choosing to have that conversation with me, rather than being upset about a metal ring in her nose. 

Many of us will be spending time around family and friends during this Christmas season. I am sure you will find plenty of opportunities to argue about politics, religion, and each other's life-choices. I want to encourage you to instead, be glad that you have the opportunity to be there talking with them.

Whether your kids are grown and have their own kids, or your kids are still living under your roof, remember first to take the time to talk to them, and just be with them. 

After all, letting them see your support and presence in every type of circumstance, is a powerful act of love.

Thankful For Scars

When I was a kid, I found lots of opportunities to buck hay. If you don't know what bucking hay is, it's when you walk alongside a flat bed trailer and pick up hay bales out of a field, and throw them on the trailer, then take them to the barn and unload them. Some guys used hooks to pick up the bales, but I always was a fan of grabbing the orange twine and picking them up, then using my knee to lift them up on to the trailer. After grabbing countless bales, and gripping on to twine hundreds of times, my hands developed these thick calluses. I used to think it was cool to take a knife and poke at the callus showing how it didn't hurt, or i'd grab a lighter and see how long I could hold the flame before it hurt too bad.

Hard work produced those calluses, and they made me feel like a superhero.

It's strange how the pain of manual labor gave me calluses that made me feel so strong; but the pain of emotional or mental strain gave me calluses that made me feel so weak. 

I celebrated the scars of hard work, but I was ashamed of the scars that I obtained in my every day living.

I have since changed my mind about that, and I hope to change your mind about it too. 

Whatever scars we acquire during our journey, are proof of not only our strength, but also proof of our ability to carry on when things seem impossible. 

I have scars from loneliness, insecurity, abandonment, shame, fear, and rejection. Each of those came through multiple stories of bad days, ugly people, or bad choices. As a result, I spent a lot of my energy trying to cover up or ignore these scars. 

The thought that I could celebrate the calluses that came from these scars never crossed my mind. 

James 1:2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows it true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

The beautiful reality is, those difficult times, those hard moments, made me who I am today. Sure, I am by no means perfect, but I am better today than I was a year, or ten years ago. I have grown and learned a lot. 

As much as I may not want to accept it, the times of greatest growth in my life, have come during the times of greatest difficulty. 

I am not sure where you are right now, or what you are facing; but I want to encourage you to consider this idea. Whatever difficult you are currently facing, or hardship you are struggling to recover from; has made you stronger, caused you to grow, and has taught you valuable lessons.

One of the greatest gifts I have learned, is the pain I experienced in the past has made me more aware of others experiencing a similar pain. It has allowed me to help them in their journey. 

How have you learned from your hardships to help others?

What can you do, to become thankful for your scars? 

5 Things You Need, to Build Unity in Your Team

All of us are a part of some sort of team.

Whether it is your family, your co-workers, your church, or a club you belong to, everyone is a part of a team.

Unfortunately that doesn't mean everyone is a part of a healthy team, or a team that operates from a
place of unity.

Reality is, we all likely have a story about a toxic team, or an unhealthy environment we have been a part of.

One thing I am sure we could all agree on, unity is awesome and lack of unity isn't any fun. 

So here are 5 things, I believe will help any team, regardless of the type or size, grow in unity.  

1. Truth in Love

Many people choose to live on one side or the other of this issue. 

Some say they want to love people. So they only say nice things, and if they can't think of something encouraging, they choose to say nothing. They don't want to hurt people, so they stick to loving uplifting statements only.

The other group of people are the truth police. They walk around pointing out the faults and mistakes of others. They leave behind a trail of insecurity and hurt feelings, all while flying their banner of truth.

Both of these people are wrong. Real love means being honest with each other. Truth without love for people is just meanness. 

To be a part of a team that lives in unity, you need to commit to being honest with each other. This means communicating truthfully, but in a way that clearly expresses your care for the other person.   

2. Celebrate Each Others Ups

I remember a long time ago I was with a friend who was honored in a really cool way. He had done something pretty remarkable, and was received the kudos he was clearly due. The problem was, I was sick with envy and frustration that he was getting it. 

I found myself visibly upset, because someone else was getting praise. After that day, I committed to God I never wanted to find myself in that position ever again. I have since used my response to others victories as a meter for how healthy I am. If others are experiencing a great moment, and I am having to force a smile, there is some work that needs to be done in my heart. 

To have unity, you need to learn to be just as happy for your team members victory, as you are for your own. 

3. Grieve Each Others Downs

The other side of this issue is when your teammates are having a bad day, or experiencing a down moment. 

This principle works the same way, but in reverse. When your teammate is down, are you glad they are down and not you? Or do you want to help them back up? 

Use these moments as a self check. If you see them down and out, and you are having to fight off a smile, there is some serious work that needs to be done in your heart. 

You will never find a sense of unity if you aren't able to empathize with your team member in their low moments. 

4. Think Team Win, not the Individual Win

The natural follow up to these last two ideas is this simple concept. You have to view wins and losses as a team, not as individuals. If one of your team members is down, you are down too. If one of your team members is being celebrated, your team is being celebrated too.

This mentality will greatly help you in how you respond to your teams current circumstance. If you take your teams current standing personally, you will be invested in their ability to bounce back, and you will have a sense of personal accomplishment when they knock something out of the park.  

Unity is not only working together, it is realizing you rise and fall together as well. 

5. Make Room For Others

I think the underlining issue that makes some of these steps difficult to walk out, is we believe that there is only so much acclamation to be had. We believe there is only so many "atta boys" that can be given, and a very small platform for the victors. 

That simply isn't true.

There is room for all of us to succeed, there is room for many to shine. Even more than that, the team victory is so much better than individual one. 

This is my list of what it takes to make unity. What would you add to the list? Or what would you take off?

Honor Where Honor is Due

This Memorial Day Weekend was an important weekend, and an emotional one too. 

Memories of my close friends from my days in the Army who died flood my mind and my heart. Most memories are of moments filled with laughter during a quick weekend get away, or a BBQ at Treasa and my apartment. Thoughts of my friends flood my mind. I think about the dreams they shared, their families, and all that made them uniquely them. 

It is a strange thing to accept that they are no longer around.  

Yet, it is the depth of our relationship with these people, and the many men and women who gave their lives in service to our great country that makes Memorial Day so important. They were so much more than a number. They were so much more than a random military member. They were Dads, Moms, Sons, Daughters, Brothers, Sisters... they were our friends. 

When we use the word honor, it really has two meanings. One is the honor we show, we give esteem and respect that is deserved; but there is also the honor that we keep to a deal or an agreement. We honor the promise that we made. 

Both versions of honor are appropriate on Memorial Day. We need to give the honor and respect, that these men and women so plainly deserve. We need also need to honor our part of the deal following their sacrifice. We will not forget, we will not let their memory fade away. We will not allow their sacrifice to lose its wonder. 

So we honor you heroes, we honor you military service members, we honor you friends.

Worship with Purpose

I love music. I love the sound of multiple instruments perfectly intertwined together with different voices playing in different octaves all coming together to create one beautiful sound. 

As much as I love music, I love worship so much more. 

Music alone is powerful and meaningful. Beautiful music with thought provoking lyrics is even better.  But there is nothing that can compare to the power and significance of worship. 

Worship is a means for us to connect to and converse with God. Psalm 95:6 says, "Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!" We are called to worship, and called to give God praise; but sometimes we aren't really sure what that even is supposed to look like.

With that in mind, I want to share with you, what my worship experience typically looks like.

I am not saying this is the only thing that happens, or should happen during worship; but, if worship for you has seemed flat or lacking in meaning, I encourage you to try this next time you walk into a worship gathering.

While I worship I am simply agreeing with the words in the song that speak about God and His character. If we sing Forever Reign, and these words come up,  "You are good, you are good when there's nothing good in me." That rings so true in my life. God has always been so good to me, even when there is nothing redeeming about my attitude or behavior. So I simply say in my heart, "Yes God! Thank You for being good to me, no matter what!" 

Another aspect of worship for me is getting my heart back in alignment. If we sing the song God I Look to You, and we sing the words, "Give me vision, to see things like you do." I ask God to do just that. It is so easy for me to get off track, and caught up in the frustrations or uncertainties of life, and my vision is all about me and my perspective. So I ask God to help me to see things how He does, how He wants me to see them. 

It may seem odd, simple, or even uncomfortable at first, but I believe as you worship with purpose you will find your worship experience to become more meaningful and enjoyable. 

So give it a try. Worship with purpose this week! 

More Than We Can Handle

I grew up in the church, and if you are like me, then you are familiar with the phrases that are frequently used inside the walls of the church.

These phrases are frequently leaned on to explain difficult situations, but I have found them to be rarely understood, and infrequently helpful.

Someone shares of their complex or difficult situation, and they are met with a phrase like, "The Lord works in mysterious ways."

Or someone is dealing with an intensely deep hurt, and the response they hear is, "God never gives us more than we can handle; sometimes I just wish He didn't trust us so much."

Does God work in mysterious ways? Sure.

Does the Bible say God never gives us more than we can handle? Not really...  check out the often misquoted verse for yourself to make your own assessment. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

I think the reality is, all of us face moments that are way more than we can handle. Maybe you are facing one of those moments right now.

We find ourselves drowning in sorrow, or overwhelmed by hurt, or trying to process a tragedy. Whatever the situation may be, it is just too much.

So if we each face these situations, why do people keep saying things like this? Why do we offer up these empty sayings?

Truth is, I think for many people, that is the best answer they have. Their intentions are not to blow someone off, or hurt them.

They see the look of desperation in someones face, and that is the best they have to offer.

I have good news, that is not the best God has to offer.

In Psalms 50:15 it says, "Then call on me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory."

If you are feeling completely overwhelmed, that's okay. Just don't stay there, God says to call out to Him, and He will rescue you!

We were never meant to work it out on our own. We are not left to just find a way because God has some blanket promise that it will never be too much, and if it feels like too much, you're wrong.

Jesus pretty clearly says that we will need Him, and that without Him, things will not go real well.

In John 15:5 Jesus puts it this way, "Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing."

So relax, it's okay that you have felt overwhelmed. You are not alone in feeling like life is way too hard.

That is why Jesus came.

So when you are reminded that it is more than you can handle, turn to Jesus, call on Him, He will rescue you.

The Correct Perspective

Have you ever had a couple year stretch where everything in your life goes exactly how you want it to?

Me either...

We all walk through seasons where things go well, and God's blessings are so evident. We also all walk through seasons where it seems nearly everything goes sideways.

Our circumstances have a way of lifting us up, or pulling us down. Yet, I don't think that is how God wants us to live.

I remember as a kid singing the song, "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus." I have probably sung that song at least twenty-trillion times... I am not even exaggerating. I think over time however, I allowed the words to become watered down for me.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will go strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."

What a powerful song.

Now think about the premise of the message. If we look to Jesus, and choose to be completely fixed on Him, the things of this world will fade away, as we understand how small they are in contrast to how great God is.

In Hebrews 12:2 it says it this way, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

It isn't about our circumstance, our need, or our abundance. It is about fixing our eyes on Jesus.

Truth is, our struggles shouldn't pull us away from God; but our blessings shouldn't be what draws us to Him either.

Our goal is not the perfect circumstance.

Our goal is the correct perspective.

We are loved by God. We are not alone. We have eternal hope through our relationship with Him.

So let me encourage you... Look to Jesus, look solely at Him.

Then no matter what your circumstances are, when He is your focus, all the worries of this world will fade away in the light of His goodness.

Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

Just over a week ago, the beloved Pastor of my youth, Rev. John Egerdahl passed away.

Pastor John is the brightest mind I have ever encountered, but that is not what I think of, when I remember him. I sat under him for countless sermons on countless Sundays, and learned many biblical concepts.

Yet the moments I remember most fondly, are the moments we sat in his office at the church, or the office at his house.

John, the greatest giant of the faith I have ever known, poured personally into my life. He spoke to me about my role as a man, my role as a father and husband, and my role as a Pastor. Our encounters usually looked like me sitting down, with paper and pencil, and him speaking about whatever he felt led to share with me that day.

I would ask questions as he quickly listed off books and authors and Greek and Hebrew words to research. He would list Bible passages so quickly, I would rarely be able to write down all of what he said.

I still have those lists, and many of the books I have bought and read are at his recommendation.

But that is not the part of the conversation I remember most fondly.

In our conversations, there were always moments where as John was speaking, he would begin to become overwhelmed with something God had done in his life, or a truth from God's Word would come flooding over him. Pastor John, my hero, would begin to cry.

Even in our most recent visits where his health was failing, his love for God, his love for God's Word, and his love for me had not faded.

I have struggled this last week in continuing on with my daily tasks, because I have so frequently been fondly remembering these moments.

This is what I believe God has been showing me in this time. I pray it speaks to you, as it has spoken to me.

Don't ever lose your hunger for God's Word.

Don't ever allow knowledge of God's Word, to replace your love for God and His people.

Always find time for people, and invest in them.

Freely share with others, what you have learned, and what has been shared with you.

Don't be afraid to allow others to see on the outside, what God is doing on the inside.

Take time, to stop and cry.

My life will forever be changed, because Pastor John was in it. I like to believe that if you look closely, you can see bits and pieces of him in me. It means the world to me, that he expressed his love for me, and his pride in me. He encouraged me by saying he saw that I was growing, and would continue to grow into a great Pastor.

I guess this is the heart of what I want to share. God has likely placed people by each of us that we could learn so much from. Don't be afraid to ask for time to sit with them. Bring your paper and pen, then listen and write.

Each of us are capable of doing great things; but if we humble ourselves and submit to the wisdom of those around us, we can gain so much more. In short, we can do even greater things while standing on the shoulders of giants.

I love you Pastor John, thank you for pouring into my life. You were indeed a giant of the faith.

He Is So Good

At times over the years I would hear people talk about how they are, "looking forward to heaven" or how they, "wish they were in heaven now". I did not agree with their sentiment.

In fact, for a long time, I was pretty upset with the idea of heaven. Partly because of the enormity of eternity, it scared me when I tried to imagine it. It felt like I was falling.

The main reason I was not real excited about heaven was because heaven was described as worshipping God all day long.

With my viewpoint of worship at that point... heaven sounded more like a punishment.

I grew up in a pretty traditional church, where we sang mostly hymns led with a piano and organ. I have since found other styles that I tend to prefer, but I still love many of the classics; however, my issue was not the style of worship.

The issue was my perspective of worship; or more accurately, my perspective of God.

I viewed God as big, powerful, holy, angry, and terrifying. My interactions with God, started and ended with, a long list of profuse apologies.

Worship for me, was trying to sing God's anger away. It was not pleasant for me, and I am not so sure God was super excited about it either.

Worship, much like Christianity, is much simpler than many make it out to be. Christianity is about relationship; a relationship with Jesus. Worship is one part of that relationship.

When you sing a song about how good God is, that should reflect your observation of God's goodness. When you sing about God's love, that should also reflect your appreciation for the love God has shown you.

God is not self conscious, needing your affirmation to remind Him He is doing a good job. God is not angry with you, and the purpose of your worship is not to sing God's anger away.

Worship is about your response to God in your life. If during worship you find yourself awkwardly standing there mumbling through the words, hoping they do 4 songs instead of 5; I would suggest this is not a style issue, it is a you issue.

The real issue is your perspective of worship; or more accurately, your perspective of God.

Follow me on this thought.

When we walk with Jesus daily, we are constantly reminded of the goodness and the love of God. His work in our life leads us to talk to others about Him, and causes us to sing about His goodness.

Worship when done from a viewpoint of relationship, becomes so easy and freeing, regardless of the style of music. Heaven becomes an exciting reward. It's an eternity of worshipping God!

That sounds good to me, because He is so good to me.

Getting Thankful

During this time of the year, we are reminded that we need to be thankful.

If you are one of those having a hard time finding things to be thankful for, I am writing this for you.

There have been so many times I have struggled to be thankful. I would look at my possessions, the state of my relationships, my account balance, or my overall circumstance and find it difficult to be thankful.

For many, this probably sounds all too familiar.

I used to operate on the premise that good Christians were supposed to look at their circumstances, regardless of how good or bad they were, and say thanks to God. Most of the time, I would offer a half-hearted, "thanks". The same kind of "thanks" we force our kids to say when they get socks or a sweater from Grandma for their birthday.

God isn't asking us to fake it.

In 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 it says, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 

This verse seems so impossible to live out, but stay with me here.

In Psalms 107:1 it says, "Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!"

When we read 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, in light of Psalms 107:1, things start to come a little more into focus.

The verse in Thessalonians ends with, in Christ Jesus; and the passage in Psalms says to give thanks to God, because He is good.

Look carefully at these.

It doesn't say, rejoice for Christ Jesus. He isn't asking us to perform for Him. It says rejoice, pray, and give thanks because that is God's will for us, as we live in Him.

It doesn't say give thanks to God because you are popular and rich. It says give thanks because God is good.

We need to turn our focus away from what we possess, and choose to remember what we have. We may not possess everything we want, but we have the love of God.

So when Paul and David write, rejoice all the time, pray all the time, give God thanks; what are they saying? They are saying, stay focused on, and in communication with God.

When we focus on God, we are reminded of how much we have to be thankful for.

So wherever you may be today, whatever you have or don't have, remember to spend some time with God. Nothing works better than God's presence, when we need help getting thankful.