Guest Blogger: Where Do I Fit In?

Guest Blogger: Erin Sabo. Check out her blog at The Greatness of Grace

"Where do I fit in?" 

This seems to be the question of my life. From the outside I may seem to be a confident person. I can mingle in the crowd, hob-nob with fellow mom's, and find common ground with a patron at the supermarket. However, on the inside my heart still cries out with the same question from my youth… 

"Where do I fit?" 

Last week I struggled with this question as I formulated the plans for some upcoming ministry opportunities I have in the works. Yet again I found myself feeling left out and stranded. 

I was searching for my identity, but instead I was feeling awfully lost. 

I was on the phone with my Pastor, who was working through some details with me when he stopped and said something that hit like an arrow straight through my heart.

"Erin," he started, "Be very careful not to find your identity in this ministry." 

As I started to turn his statement over in my mind, it became clear. 

I was searching for my identity in the wrong things and looking for validation from people. Perhaps the question my heart was truly asking was, "Who am I?" 

And that's the question I hope you'll stop and ask yourself too.

My husband and I are beginning the laborious process of becoming foster parents. I am the type of person who plans all the details of our life, so I began to research foster care. I have read many stories, biographies, and memoirs of orphans and former foster kids. For years this has been a subject close to my heart. 

In all of this there seems to be an overwhelming cry of that same universal question, "Who am I?" 

This question may seem typical of an orphan; but I think it's the universal question in the heart of all of humanity.

“Who am I?" carries with it, "To whom do I belong?” 

It begs the question of where we find our identity. 

As a Christian, I understand that my identity is in Christ. I am His handiwork, I am His beloved, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I am bought with a price. Perhaps my feelings of not fitting in are because I am forgetting who I am, and to whom I belong. 

I’d guess that you have felt this same way in your life. 

Perhaps you are plodding along in life hoping you'll receive that pat on the back you've been working so hard for. Or maybe you're working extra hard to keep up with the Jones'. 

The problem is, there is always another set of Jones', and the grass will always be greener in the next yard. Your identity shouldn't be found in your things, and your worth is not defined by your achievements. 

This is the greatness of grace! If grace is earned, it is not grace at all! When it's all been said and done, your greatest achievement, is to be known by God. 

I hope this post both pushes, and challenges you to move towards the grace that is offered to you, and that you find your identity in God.  

If you enjoyed this Blog post and would like to read more, or follow my blog, please click here: The Greatness of Grace. My blog is about my life and my ramblings on faith and Christianity. Thanks for reading! 

Post Easter Murmuring

As I have been thinking about what to write today, all I can think about is Easter Sunday.

This Easter was especially significant for me this year.

The Pastor I grew up under, Pastor John, has been real sick lately. He was recently taken to the hospital, and the outcome of this visit is bleak. He is a wonderful man who has lived a long wonderful life, and I imagine in his heart, to be face to face with Jesus is a warm thought. All that being said, I struggle as a young pastor with the idea of not being able to call him and ask for his advice or perspective on a matter. The idea of not being able to sit with John is really difficult for me to bear.

In addition to the situation with Pastor John, this is the first Easter I have had as a Lead Pastor to really dream about what this Sunday could look like. I wanted Easter to be seen as it truly is, a Big Day. Treasa and I started our journey here at Malone last year, just two or three weeks before Easter, so it came so quickly, I didn't have time to think about it.

So this year, we as a church looked at Easter as a great opportunity to invite family and friends, do a couple extra special things, and really make a concerted effort to make Easter special.

As I woke up Sunday morning to prepare my heart for the day, I was so emotional. In fact, I couldn't stop crying. I was reminded of all the individual people who made extra effort for the day. Those who risked their comfort in order to invite friends and family, those who gave time and resources to put it all together.

It was such a beautiful picture of God's people running the race together.

Moreover, I began to consider the people who would be attending church that morning who normally did not. I felt such a deep responsibility for presenting God's Word, and the message that morning in a way that would capture their attention. I want to see their life transformed by a relationship with Jesus. I wanted our church to show the love of Christ in a way that would surprise the visitors, and cause them to be drawn in, and drawn back again another Sunday.

Easter's message is powerful and important, and the world needs to hear it. It is a message of Jesus' love for people, a love that caused Him to lay down His life for us. The message of His power, the power to overcome death and the grave.

I guess at the end of the day, I wanted us to do our part to make sure that message was heard by as many people as possible. I wanted our community to see that love modeled in our behavior.

In the end, as I finally laid down on Sunday night; God surprised me. He is so faithful, and His reward always outweighs our efforts. Our Sunday service went great, but more than that, great connections were made. Believers stepped out of their comfort zone, and found joy in new connections. New people felt welcomed and loved, and many spoke of returning.

Even more importantly, there were people who came to church that morning who did not have a relationship with Jesus, and they left having begun one.

So I guess I share all this to say; to Malone Assembly, thank you for showing the love of Christ.

To all else, don't be afraid to risk and dream for Big Days. God's plans far surpass our own. He wants to move through us in a way, that will impact others around us for all of eternity.

Thanks Jesus, You surprise me with Your love.

When the Right Words Are Hard to Find

I have come to grips with the fact that no matter how hard I work at growing and changing, I will always have room to grow.

We can realize that change will always be needed, then as a result, give up on changing. 

But that would be a terrible idea. 

I have this little exercise I walk through, in order to help me in my journey. I simply picture myself in High School, or shortly after. I think about the things I said, the things I did, and how I treated people. 

That is all the motivation I need. 

I had a couple conversations this week that have served as reminders, that continual growth is needed. These conversations were with people I care about, and in the end, I felt good about where the conversation went. 

Even still, I was reminded how my words and my actions directly affect all those around me. 

As hard as it is to accept this, we need to. 

Our growth benefits others just as much, or even more, as it benefits us.

Let me encourage you, don't get discouraged in the small steps along your journey.

Proverbs 21:5 says, Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind.

When we neglect the need to grow long term, the best we can accomplish is moments and seasons of temporary change. When we only pay attention to the day to day improvements we are making; we can miss the magnitude of growth we are experiencing over time.  It is the diligent work of long term effort that really shines through time. 

When we live that way, we can look back further, and learn to appreciate how far we have come.

So when the right words are hard to find, learn to be grateful. 

The wrong words you use today, are certainly better than your best effort ten years ago. 

A Little More Vulnerable Than I Prefer

It has been years since I came to the realization of an area I really need to grow in.

I wish I could say, it has been years since I have struggled in that area. Unfortunately, I have been aware, but I haven't found complete freedom in this area yet.

Easiest way to put it is, I get stuck in the mindset of feeling I need to work for God's approval.

In Romans 8:34b it says, "Christ Jesus who died - more than that, who raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us."

The truth of God's Word says, not only does God accept and approve me as I am, Jesus is interceding on my behalf; right now.

This last Sunday as I was driving into church before service, the thoughts of needing to earn approval began to flood over me. I was thinking through the list of men in my life that I want more than any, to accept me, and be proud of me.

These men are made up of family, church family, and others that have had influence in my life over the years. They are all men who I respect and love; and they each love God, and love me.

So as I was driving into church, this movie began playing in my mind of moments in my life, where these men were disappointed in me, or frustrated with something I said or did.

After watching this video play in my mind, I realized that I had thought about these moments several times before. It was a movie I had saved, and replayed over and over.

After the feelings of lack of worth, guilt, and shame began to well up, I tried to divert my thoughts to moments where these same men were proud of me, or encouraging me in some way.

I tried, but I couldn't think of one, not one.

Yet I KNOW, there were many moments each of these men showed me love, and I know they are proud of me.

So why the disconnect?

I believe each of us have areas of weakness or vulnerability, and if we aren't careful, our mind will replay over and over the memories that reaffirm the moments that support our pain. After enough time the memories we focus on are emphasized, and the other memories begin to fade.

Ultimately, any thought that doesn't align itself with God's thoughts get in the way of our relationship with Jesus.

In 2 Corinthians 10:5 it says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Our thoughts are so powerful. Whether we allow them to be powerful in order to build up, or we allow them to be powerful in order to tear down, is up to us.

I think I will write more about this in the future, but for today, let me leave you with this thought. "...we take captive..."

We can't expect this work to just happen. It takes work to take a thought captive.

So as I work on my journey of taking these thoughts captive, I encourage you to consider where you may need to take some thoughts captive.

Let us choose not to let just any movie play over and over in our mind. Let's focus on the thoughts that are true, and building.

By doing this, we will demolish the arguments that are contrary to God, and His thoughts toward us.

I know it is hard to face these tough issues, I am having to be a little more vulnerable than I prefer right now.

Take heart, it is worth it.

We All Have Room For Improvement

One of my favorite things to do, is have long conversations about the areas of my life where I am weakest.

Not really.

I think the only thing worse than focusing on my weaknesses, is the stress associated with pretending they aren't there.

We all feel pretty comfortable saying we aren't perfect. Yet to talk about our areas of weakness is a totally different conversation.

I remember an interview where they asked me, "what is my greatest weakness". I thought for a second, and then said, "I get bored really fast."

The half confused, half blank stare on his face was pretty telling; he wasn't expecting that kind of an answer. He was looking for an answer like, "sometimes, I just care too much." or, "I have a tendency to try a little too hard in my tasks."

He was not expecting my confession of frequent boredom.

Truth is, a lot of times we ask questions when we don't expect an honest answer. We ask how people are doing, and when they answer with, "not good.", we get really uncomfortable, and feel a bit inconvenienced.

Weakness is a part of our mortal character. We are all here for a limited window. We work hard to understand and grow, but that takes time.

The irony isn't lost on me; that the never changing God, described in Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today..."; commands me to change, described in Romans 12:2 "... be transformed...".

The difference between me and God is, I still have room for improvement.

So let's embrace the reality that we are indeed imperfect. Let's be willing to talk about those weaknesses with those who love us and can help us grow in those areas.

After all, we all have room for improvement.