A Little More Vulnerable Than I Prefer

It has been years since I came to the realization of an area I really need to grow in.

I wish I could say, it has been years since I have struggled in that area. Unfortunately, I have been aware, but I haven't found complete freedom in this area yet.

Easiest way to put it is, I get stuck in the mindset of feeling I need to work for God's approval.

In Romans 8:34b it says, "Christ Jesus who died - more than that, who raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us."

The truth of God's Word says, not only does God accept and approve me as I am, Jesus is interceding on my behalf; right now.

This last Sunday as I was driving into church before service, the thoughts of needing to earn approval began to flood over me. I was thinking through the list of men in my life that I want more than any, to accept me, and be proud of me.

These men are made up of family, church family, and others that have had influence in my life over the years. They are all men who I respect and love; and they each love God, and love me.

So as I was driving into church, this movie began playing in my mind of moments in my life, where these men were disappointed in me, or frustrated with something I said or did.

After watching this video play in my mind, I realized that I had thought about these moments several times before. It was a movie I had saved, and replayed over and over.

After the feelings of lack of worth, guilt, and shame began to well up, I tried to divert my thoughts to moments where these same men were proud of me, or encouraging me in some way.

I tried, but I couldn't think of one, not one.

Yet I KNOW, there were many moments each of these men showed me love, and I know they are proud of me.

So why the disconnect?

I believe each of us have areas of weakness or vulnerability, and if we aren't careful, our mind will replay over and over the memories that reaffirm the moments that support our pain. After enough time the memories we focus on are emphasized, and the other memories begin to fade.

Ultimately, any thought that doesn't align itself with God's thoughts get in the way of our relationship with Jesus.

In 2 Corinthians 10:5 it says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Our thoughts are so powerful. Whether we allow them to be powerful in order to build up, or we allow them to be powerful in order to tear down, is up to us.

I think I will write more about this in the future, but for today, let me leave you with this thought. "...we take captive..."

We can't expect this work to just happen. It takes work to take a thought captive.

So as I work on my journey of taking these thoughts captive, I encourage you to consider where you may need to take some thoughts captive.

Let us choose not to let just any movie play over and over in our mind. Let's focus on the thoughts that are true, and building.

By doing this, we will demolish the arguments that are contrary to God, and His thoughts toward us.

I know it is hard to face these tough issues, I am having to be a little more vulnerable than I prefer right now.

Take heart, it is worth it.