Goals For the New Year

The New Year is here, and I've been thinking about how I want to approach 2016. I've always been goal setter, but maybe not in the traditional sense. For me, the new year is an opportunity to examine how I've been prioritizing, and make some adjustments along the way.

Before you think about turning away, I promise, this is not a "Exercise 3 times a week" list.

Okay, here is the list of things I am going to be focusing on in 2016.

1. Plan Vacations: Before you brush off this comment, I don't mean, take a couple trips, one to Disneyland, and one to Hawaii. That isn't my reality either. That doesn't mean we shouldn't be planning vacations. Maybe there are some friends, or family members you've been meaning to go visit. Take the time off, drive over and see them. Make some plans to check out the local sites, make a big deal of it. I've got some people in mind I'd like to see, and a couple cool camping trips in the works; a vacation is a vacation.

2. Planned Activities with my Kids: At the end of a long week, it's easy to simply live together, rather than taking time to do a family movie night, or playing a board game together. A weekend that just rolls by has far less a positive impact than a weekend where you plan at least one thing to do together. I personally love doing a big Saturday morning breakfast for the family. Play a game at table, have the kids help out. It's messy, but there are lots of laughs.

3. Go on Dates with My Wife: Having kids takes a lot of our time and energy, and even when people offer to watch kids, sometimes it's difficult to muster up the energy to get out do something. Every marriage needs time just the two of you alone, and it's even better if you can do something facing each other. Sitting quietly in a dark movie theater isn't exactly a great relationship building experience. Go to dinner, even do something out of the ordinary, check out a local band playing, go bowling. Just do something together, alone.

4. Read: If you wouldn't call yourself a reader, then don't try to bite off more than you can chew. Start off by reading a couple blogs each week. Take a few minutes to read an interesting article. Start there, and work your way up. You don't have to agree with everything you read, or soak it all up as truth; it will help sharpen your mind, and engage your imagination.

5. Trust Others: I am the last person to tell anyone how to do this. I just know I really struggle to trust people. I tend to question whether people are being honest, if they really care about me, and what their hidden motivation might be. This type of thinking is insulting to others, and it puts the breaks on any potential friendship you may have the opportunity to develop.

6. Do What I Feel is Right, No Matter What: What I specifically mean here is, don't wait for others to take the first step, or to approve of my action before making a move. I find myself weighing way too many of my decisions on what others seem to be doing. If I know I need to show kindness to someone else, I'm not going to wait for the other person to make the first step toward me.

7. Forgive Quickly: Forgiveness is hard to live out. Quick forgiveness is even harder, in fact it feels impossible at times. I guess the realization I'm coming to is, I know God wants me to forgive others eventually. So by waiting to forgive, all I'm doing is holding on to something I know I'll eventually let go of, so why wait? You are going to need people to forgive you this year, so forgive others... And do it fast. 

8. Smaller Portions, More Exercise: I promise this is my only diet and exercise goal. This is something that is both important to me, and incredibly hard for me to be consistent on. So I'm setting a goal I know I can knock out of the park. When I order food, make myself a plate etc, I'm going to eat less. When I'm 80% finished with my meal, I'm going to stop eating. I have a gym membership, so I'm going to use it consistently, if that means once a week to start with, then that's where I'll start. 

9. Stop to Celebrate: This one I really need to work on. I am such a big picture person, I am constantly thinking about what needs to be tackled down the road. With that comes the mistake of never celebrating what gets done. This is a really bad habit especially if you are leading teams. I need to stop and celebrate the finish lines we cross, the projects we wrap up, and the goals we achieve.

10. Mentor people, Be Mentored: If you're like me, it's difficult to imagine yourself a mentor. We are so aware of what we don't know, it's hard to imagine we know enough to help anyone else. Truth is, there is always someone who could benefit from spending time with you. So find someone who is a similar path to you, and a few years behind. Take them to coffee, ask lots of questions, and be the worlds greatest encourager. Then every once in a while, if needed, offer advice. As for being mentored, ask someone who you would like to learn from to spend time with them. Show up with great questions, be really transparent and honest, and apply what they suggest you try.

This is my list, what did I forget? What would you add or take off of your list?

An Idea That Would Change Everything

I want to talk to you about an issue that is really important to me, but some would label it as controversial.

I grew up in a medium sized middle class American town. I was surrounded by people that I would describe, and I know others would too, as good willed people, that love God and love others.

I say that to explain, I believe I grew up in a culture, that is similar to many Christian Americans.

Alright, here is the context of conversation I want to have with you today...

I grew up believing that women were less important, less valuable, and less capable than men.

Notice I did not say, "much less", but the amount of less, simply doesn't matter.

I have come to realize how wrong I was in this belief.

There are so many directions this conversation can go from here, and many of those conversations are well worth having. However, I would like to focus in on one particular idea that I am especially passionate about.

Here is my big idea.

If men in the church understood God's thoughts and plans for women, and if women in the church embraced the reality of God's thoughts and plans for them, this world would never be the same.

It makes me sad when I hear people equate the Bible, or God's thoughts toward women as chauvinistic. I'm not arguing there weren't people in the Bible who were that way. The Old and New Testament are full of them, fact is, that way of thinking is still prevalent today, but that doesn't mean that is God's opinion.

Let me explain what I mean.

The first book and first chapter of the Bible, we find this verse. Genesis 1:27 "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them." God created man and woman in His image. That means, the most accurate picture we can see of God, is found in the combination of both man and woman.

In the very next verse we see this. Genesis 1:28 "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.'" 

God blessed both of them, and said to both of them, "I have a plan for you, multiply and take possession of the land."

God had a plan for men and women from the beginning.

Yet the unfortunate reality was, sin entered into the picture.

The result of sin, caused two types of division. Division between mankind and God, and division between men and women. More specifically, that division manifested as men ruling over women.

Since that time, God has been revealing his plan, and actively working to restore that division.

Why is it that people are excited about bridging the gap of separation between mankind and God, but they haven't considered the idea of healing the division between men and women?

Was one part of the curse meant to be restored to the original design, (mankind back in right relationship with God) and the other part of the curse was meant to be blessed? (men ruling over women)

The most quoted passage of Scripture speaks to the restoring of mankind to God. Certainly that is God's heart.

John 3:16,17 For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.

God's Word also speaks to restoring right relationship between men and women, along with all sorts of other types of division we have created.

Galatians 3:28 "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

I believe God wants to restore our relationship with Him, and I believe God wants to restore the relationship between man and woman.

Now you may be reading this, and your mind is going to verses like Ephesians 5:23 Where it says, "For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. " If that's you, I get it. My mind has gone there too. I applaud you for considering all of Scripture, and not wanting to build an idea on just one passage.

I ask that you stick with that same line of thinking, because as we talk through all of this, I want you to consider the bigger message that all Scripture communicates when looking at this passage and others like it.

Is this passage in Ephesians (and I encourage you to read the whole chapter) emphasizing an idea that men are more important or more valuable than women? Is it stating that men have greater capability, so God needs them to rule over women?

Or is this passage instructing men to love and lead their family like Jesus loves and leads the church?

I believe the second option to be true. So how does Jesus lead? He leads with sacrifice, grace, patience and selflessness.

This passage, especially in partnership with verse 25, is emphasizing the power of a godly man's sacrificial leadership of his family. This type of living is equated to how Christ loves the church, that is such an honor.

This passage is all about empowering men to lead like Jesus, that type of leadership is defined and modeled by Jesus through putting others first.

I don't believe this passage has anything to do with men ruling over women, nor is it asserting an idea that men are more valuable or capable than women.

I believe many of the passages people use to argue God's desire for men to rule over women, are tangled up due to an assumption about God's heart toward women, that simply isn't true.

I love dialogue, and I hope to have a lot regarding this topic, and I truly am interested in hearing your thoughts. But first please allow me to ask of you, one small favor.

As you are looking over those passages, I would like you to first say this simple statement to yourself, "God revealed His character and likeness through both men and women; in addition to that, God has always had a great plan for both men and women."

I believe, when we start with the assumption that God loves men and women equally, values them equally, and wants to bless them equally, we read Scripture with a better frame of mind.

I am not making the argument that men and women are the same, I think it's pretty obvious that men and women are different. You know who else is different? Men and men, and so are women and women. All people are different.

Treasa and I are indeed very different, but most of our differences aren't easily categorized as male or female. Treasa is far more bold than I am, I am much more sensitive to people's tone of voice, and their choice of words. These are not feminine, or masculine traits, they are human traits.

The fact that we are different, doesn't make one of us more important or valuable than the other.

Men and Women may be different, but God doesn't love them differently. He loves all of us completely.

Men and Women may be different, but the plans He has for us are the same. His plans for each of us are supernatural, they shape who we become, they change the culture around us, they reach out to the furthest parts of the world.

God may have given us different gifts, and the journey He has planned for us, is just as unique as we are. But His plans for all of us, men and women alike, are great.

Let's bring this back to my original thought. If men in the church understood God's thoughts and plans for women, and if women in the church embraced the reality of God's thoughts and plans for them, this world would never be the same.

Picture this with me.

Imagine a world, where men and women alike, are fully convinced that God wants to use them in supernatural ways to change and impact the lives of others.

Imagine a world where godly men are energized and encouraged by the leadership and innovation of godly women.

Imagine a world where godly women never pause in fear of what godly men will think, as they choose to step out in faith following God's plan for them.

I believe that ultimately, change like this starts with an understanding that this is God's plan. That this was His plan from the beginning.

That's the world I want to live in. It's also the world I want my daughters and sons to live in.

So let's do our part to dispel the lie, that women are less important, less valuable, and less capable than men. Instead, let's remember God's original design.

Let me close with this. The most oppressed people group in all of history is women. It was true a couple thousand years ago, and it's still true today. How drastically different will this world look, when this pattern of oppression is broken?

I bet there isn't a single thought that scares the enemy more than that one.



Tell me what you think. Does any of this strike a chord with you? Share your thoughts and stories, I would love to hear them.

The Life of a Parent

I love being a Dad, it's something I wake up excited about, and I go to bed grateful for. Parenting does however, come with some challenges. 

Since my kids are often on my mind, there are times my mind plays out some interesting scenarios of problems that, "might happen some day" 

I had a thought this morning after dropping off my kids at school. I had this awesome conversation with my oldest daughter Priscilla. She is 11 years old, she is funny, witty, ridiculously creative, and strikingly beautiful. One of my favorite things about her is, she talks to me like i'm her friend. 

So this morning we were talking about what she is going to do with her free time during Christmas break. She talked about getting some rest, doing some baking with her Mom, hanging out with friends, and spending time doing some art. She used to paint more often, and she wants to take some time to paint during this break. I love that she thinks of things like that, when I was her age, I thought about TV, climbing trees, and food. 

After I dropped her and the other kids off, I was walking into work, and this thought came out of nowhere, and it totally freaked me out. 

Now I am about to be vulnerable here, so please don't judge me... 

I thought, "Since my daughter is so free thinking and artistic, there is a really good chance she is going to want a nose ring some day... What in the world am I supposed to do if that day comes!?" 

Now before you get carried away, I really am not bothered by tattoos, or piercings, or any of that stuff. My struggle wasn't with piercings, I was struggling with MY daughter having a nose ring. 

After allowing this idea to plague my mind for about an hour, I came to this conclusion. If that day does come, and during one of our talks, she mentions wanting a nose ring... I am going to be excited that my daughter is choosing to have that conversation with me, rather than being upset about a metal ring in her nose. 

Many of us will be spending time around family and friends during this Christmas season. I am sure you will find plenty of opportunities to argue about politics, religion, and each other's life-choices. I want to encourage you to instead, be glad that you have the opportunity to be there talking with them.

Whether your kids are grown and have their own kids, or your kids are still living under your roof, remember first to take the time to talk to them, and just be with them. 

After all, letting them see your support and presence in every type of circumstance, is a powerful act of love.

Broken, But the Good Kind

I remember when I was younger I would listen to my older brother Geoff pray. I could hear him as he would pray just over his breath, and he would always finish his prayer with, "thank you for dumping my family."  

Night after night, I would listen to him trying to figure out the context, discovering how dumping our family is a good thing. Finally one day, I decided to be brave, and try it out at the end of my prayer and see how things went. My mom was listening, so I figured some feedback might help. So in closing I said, "and God, thanks for dumping my family." My Mom was thrown a bit back, asking why I would say such a strange thing. I told her, "Geoff always says that at the end of his prayer." Without skipping a beat, my brother yelled from across the room, "thank you for what you've done for my family!" 

I'm not sure how I got that so mixed up... but hey, it happened. 

In the same way, we say things in the church, that are completely mysterious to someone visiting church for the first time, or new to church life. I think worship leaders are the best at this... "Thank you Jesus, we are broken before you, bowing at your feet, extolling You with the highest praise." I think to most of us in the room, we have tuned out such language as church language, but to the new family, that kind of prayer, at best weirds them out, at worst, it scares them a bit. 

Changing how our worship leaders pray is a discussion I will avoid here, but I do want to focus in on one saying we hear a lot in the church. 

Broken before God. 

When you first hear this, it sounds like this painfully uncomfortable and aggressive thing. There may be some who disagree with me, but that's not at all what I picture when I think about being broken before God.

To me, broken before God is the choice to abandon all our normal plans and ideas of how we face difficult moments in life. 

Here is what that prayer sounds like for me.

"God, I take all the temporary things I place my trust in, and throw them to the ground, like clay jars full of misplaced hope, I let them fall to the ground, shattering into pieces.  Not my plans, not my strength God. Those things are broken, I stand before You trusting You, I am broken and waiting before you God." 

Brokenness before God is actually a wonderful relief. 

How have you viewed brokenness before God? What other "church phrases" have you come across that you aren't sure about?

Who He Is, Is Enough

This last week was a pretty crazy one for us. The expression, when it rains, it pours was very appropriate for our family. With Thanksgiving week being a shorter week for school and work, it was a get 5 days of work done in 3 days, kind of week. 

Wednesday late afternoon, I was at work and Treasa text me to say our oldest son Isaiah wasn't feeling good, so she thought she should take him to Urgent Care. That way, if he needed some meds we didn't have to worry about getting them on Thanksgiving day. I thought it was a great idea, like most of her ideas, and I assumed that was the worst of it. 

I was wrong. 

Shortly after that text, I got another from Treasa saying they rushed Isaiah over to the ER. I dropped what I was doing at work, and rushed to the car and began to drive the 20-25 minutes to the hospital. 

I was texting everyone I could think of, that I knew would pray, and that I figured would want to know. Between texts, I was doing a combination of crying, praying, and screaming to God. The best prayer I could come up with was, "Jesus, please heal my son." I said it a hundred times I am sure. 

Then a thought came to my mind. 

I began to change my prayer from, "Jesus, please heal my son." and I began to speak out the attributes I knew to be true about God. "God You are love, You are faithful, You are able, You love my son even more than I do, You can heal him, You have healed me and others I know before, You are not surprised by today, You are with me, You have awesome plans for Isaiah and his future."

I went from a place of fear and worry for my son, to a place of confidence in who God is. I knew God was in control. I didn't know how things would work out, and I won't say I knew God was going to heal Isaiah, but I knew who God was, and that was enough. 

The next 24-48 hours were really rough. Isaiah had to get a lumbar puncture, IV's, shots, meds, and all that comes with a hospital stay. It was hard to see him endure all that, but I had a peace in my heart through all of it. 

He is doing amazingly well now, and it seems like we are on the other side of the whole ordeal, but my peace didn't come after, it came during. 

So here is my encouragement for you today, whatever you are facing, whatever you are walking through, take some time to focus on what you know about God. What do you know is true about Him? Speak those things out, say them with confidence, think on the times He has shown Himself faithful to you in the past. I believe, that even in the midst of difficulty, knowing who He is, is enough to help you get through. 

What are some of things you have learned about God and His character that may help you or others? Please share them!

I am praying for you!