The Lie We've Believed About "Balance"

Have you ever read the Bible and thought, "Why aren't things that happened back then, happening today?" or "How did those people follow God in that way, and I struggle to remember to read my Bible?"

I think the vast space between the biblical accounts and modern day Christianity, particularly here in the US, is due in large part to one word. Balance.

Some how through the years, we have allowed this word balance to creep into our lives in ways it was never meant to.

The Bible talks a ton about Wisdom - Ephesians 5:15 "Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise."
about Seasons - Ecclesiastes 7:14 "In the day of prosperity be happy, but in the day of adversity consider - God has made the one as well as the other. So that man will not discover anything that will be after Him. "
and about Discipline - Hebrews 12:11 "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."

We should be wise in how we allocate our time. We should embrace the different seasons that come our way, allowing ourselves to rest at times, as well as running with endurance at times. We should be people of discipline, being faithful in what we commit to, and faithful to learn and grow.

If these things are how you define balance, then yes, we should be people of balance.

That isn't the balance I am talking about.

The types of balance I am referring to are:
When we choose to speak ugly about someone else because we are just joking, and really we totally care about that person.
When we spend our time listening to, participating in, or watching something that does not honor God, and explain it away as just enjoying some harmless entertainment.
When we redraw the line of what God's Word says, because we don't want others to think less of us.
When we excuse the things we do in private, or only around close friends, because it isn't hurting anyone.
When we use our religious belief to put us on a moral high ground, giving us opportunity to look down on others; because after all, we are on God's side of the issue.

This type of balance has rendered many Christians immobile, and shown a picture to the world, that "Christianity is simply being the same as everyone else, except we get to be more judgmental and critical."

So you ask, what's the difference between the stories we read in the Bible and today? My thought is, balance.

The lie we have chosen to believe that we can have a "healthy balance" of this world and God's Spirit. The lie that we can have a "healthy balance" of love for things, and love for God. The lie that we can have a "healthy balance" of sin and righteousness.

Matthew 6:33, 34 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Before you perhaps dismiss this as a radical rant or me being overly religious, consider this. God knows you need a home to live in, a job to provide for your family, food on the table, and clothes to wear.

Even still, He tells us, FIRST seek Him and His kingdom.  When we do, all those other things will work out.

What we cannot do, is try to find a balanced comfortable life, and then apply God to it; and expect this to bring miraculous change in us and in others.

My encouragement to you, and the thing I am trying to hang on to for myself is this... In all things, put Christ first. In every circumstance, in every conflict, in every need, in every trial, in every
blessing, in every opportunity, put Christ first.

If we live this way, I believe we will begin to see more and more of what we read about in God's Word.

I believe as we do this, we will not miss for one second, whatever we leave behind.

Living in the Unknown

Life comes in different seasons, and each season brings its own set of challenges. I have always been one who enjoyed a good challenge. Show me a mountain that can't be climbed, point out a wall that wont come down, and I am in.

However, recently there has been a glaring reality that I am having to face. The challenges I enjoy are the challenges I go after, but these are not necessarily the ones I need to face.

The truth I am facing is, I enjoy living in the known. I want to work on things that I understand, I want to grow in areas I am passionate about, I want to take up causes I have experience in.

God is showing me, there is also value in spending some time in the unknown. Growing in areas that I have no idea what to do, taking on challenges in arenas that I am completely unfamiliar.

Psalm 37:4-6 says "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as light, and your justice as the noonday."

This passage is pretty powerful, especially when you really slow down and look it.

"Commit your way to the Lord" It's not about asking God to bless my way; it's about committing my way to God and His will for me.

"Trust in him, and he will act" It's not about me conjuring up strength to do great things in the name of Jesus; it's about trusting Him, and knowing He will do what's needed.

The reality is, my focus, my trust, my eyes need to be on Jesus.

If I really believe that, I won't avoid the unknown.

I won't avoid the unknown because it's not about what I know.

Please allow me to encourage you with this thought, don't get preoccupied and focused on your comfort and knowledge. Instead, cling to Jesus. Cling to Him in every circumstance and in every season. Trust Him, and He will act.

Community For Both of Us

I was sitting in our monthly staff meeting today, and as I looked around the room, I was reminded of how much more comfortable I feel now sitting in that room, than I did a year ago.

I remember my first all staff meeting, looking around the room as people talked and laughed seemingly connected and comfortable. I however was completely intimidated feeling like I was sticking out like a sore thumb.

Over the last year, I have gotten to know the people in that room, heard their stories, met their families and gotten to know who they really are. Knowing them, has made me feel so much more comfortable around them. As they have let their guards down, and been vulnerable enough to be honest with me, I have felt more at ease.

It made me think, how willing to be vulnerable have I been? How much have I let my guard down? How much effort have I put in to make others feel more at ease?

My first thought, probably sounded a lot like yours. I don't like vulnerability, it makes me feel vulnerable. It's scary, it's risky, and it goes against my nature of self-preservation.

The stark reality however, is that is exactly how healthy community is built and is able to thrive over time. It's a conscious choice by the group to be real, to be honest, and to be vulnerable. In order for it to really work, those choices by whoever goes first, need to be reciprocated by the rest.

So that's my challenge to you and me today. Consider how vulnerable you have been. How willing have you been to let people know who you really are? How much risk have you been willing to take in order for others in your community to be a little more at ease?

There is so much encouragement and strength that is drawn from living in community, but in order for there to be community for both of us, we both need to put some work into it.

If You're Going To Be Here a While

I have always been so amazed by the story of Paul and Silas in prison. It's found in Acts Chapter 16. These two are preaching and telling people about Jesus, and it upsets the religious leaders. So they are questioned, then beaten, arrested, and thrown in prison.

I have experienced judgement for my faith. I have been teased because I am a Christian. I have been left out of things because of what I do for a living. I have been called names because of what I believe. All of those things are basically nothing compared to what Paul and Silas are experiencing in this story.

These guys were beaten badly and then shackled.

How would I respond in that moment? I wonder if I would be angry? I wonder if I would feel sorry for myself? I wonder if I would be upset with God for allowing me to experience such a thing?

Look at how Paul and Silas responded. Acts 16:25 "About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them."

They responded by praying and praising God.

That's crazy.

More than the obviously amazing reality of how they responded with love for God, we see others saw their response as well.

I don't know what you're going through, or what you're facing right now; but I know there are many ways you could possibly be responding to it.

You and I may feel justified in our feeling sorry for ourselves in difficult seasons, we may feel justified in being angry for our circumstances, and maybe we have every right to be.

Yet, if we change our focus a little, God can do something pretty powerful with our circumstance.

If we choose to love God, to praise Him, and refuse to become bitter, people will see something really remarkable in us.

Find a Bible, or look it up online what happens next. Acts 16:25-34.

You may be walking through a difficult season or circumstance, you have been there a while, and you may be there a while longer. Since you're there, you might as well praise God where you are, you never know what He might do in you, for you, or in the life of someone else.

What I would Say to the 20 Year Old Me

I have thought so many times, if I had a way to go back in time to talk with the 20 year old version of me, how many things I would say.

I would likely start off by just smacking me around for a while, but afterward, I would talk about priorities.

I would talk about what really matters, and what really doesn't. I would talk about marriage, and what it means to be a great husband, how it will feel a lot like hard work, but a spouse that you love unconditionally becomes your closest friend. I would talk about being a Dad, and what it takes to be consistent, how to love your kids how they need to be loved, not just what comes easy to you. I would talk about how you will never regret any effort you put into supporting your kids, but you will regret every opportunity you missed. I would talk about friendship, how the friends that selflessly want to see you grow are hard to find, so give back to them, and lean into them when you need to. I would talk about how no one was meant to be an island, and great friends make the most difficult of seasons much more bearable.

How much heartache I would save myself and others if I could go back and speak those things to the younger me.

Unfortunately, that opportunity is never going to come to me, or to you.

But don't just get frustrated, there is something great that you still can do.

Proverbs 13:20 says "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools suffer harm."

Even if you can't take all this information and share it with the 20 year old "you"; you can take this information and share it with a 20 year old someone.

God has given all of us a measure of wisdom. Through mistakes and victories, we learn things that help us to live more effectively. So share that information with the younger generation God has placed around you. Save them from some of the heartache you experienced. Save them from making the choices like the ones you made that hurt others.

In addition, God has given a measure of wisdom to those who are further down the road of life than you, listen to them, learn from them. After all, sticking solely to what you know, and only spending time with those who are in the same place as you, will cause you to "suffer harm."

What Matters Most to God?

I've had this thought stirring around in my head for weeks now, and it has been consuming my mind, and finding its way into several conversations and situations.

I was listening to a podcast, and the speaker made the passing statement, "What matters more to God than anything?"

I'm sure the rest of the podcast was awesome, but I don't remember any of it. My mind was captivated by this question.

What matters more to God than anything?

There are so many answers that come to mind. Faith for starters. God wants us to be a people of faith. Then other words came rushing in, obedience, forgiveness, and sacrifice.

Then it hit me, the answer is so simple. What matters more to God than anything? People.

People matter more to God than anything else. Not just a particular type of people, not people from a particular place, just people. All people.

This may seem like a pretty simple concept and not worth your read yet, but stick with me for a moment.

So how does this apply when you have conflict with someone? Well, you can't write them off, you can't vilify them, and you can't forget about them. They are extremely important to God, therefore, they should matter to you.

The same idea applies when you are helping friends work through difficulty. You can't push one friend away in order to draw the other close. They both matter.

As this phrase has been going through my head constantly the last couple weeks, I find myself challenged daily to forgive more, to let things go quickly, and to choose to try again with people, and to try again in difficult situations.

The ultimate goal is to see people as God sees them. To see them as incredibly valuable, and to fully grasp that just like you, they matter more to God than anything else.

I pray you are encouraged and challenged with this reality this week!

Slow Down and Deal With It

Change can be difficult, and although new seasons comes with new challenges, they also often bring new blessings.

The part I struggle the most with, is giving myself the opportunity to actually deal with the change and let it sink in.

Usually when one season is coming to an end, and a new one is starting, good or bad, I am trying to move on as quickly as possible. I don't want to think about what I'm losing or gaining, and I don't want to consider what I'll miss.

Change is coming, and I just want to get it over with.

Right now, our family is walking through some change. It's not necessarily major, but it's change none the less. We are moving from the home we have lived in for a few years, and looking to move into a new one.

I have been doing my normal thing of trying to stay busy and ignore all the complex emotional stuff. My wife however taught me a really important lesson this week.

We were packing the last of the small things we needed out of the house, and the kids were putting things in the car, and Treasa realized they all needed a chance to process this change.

We loved this house, we aren't moving because we aren't happy with it, we are moving because we are in a new season, and this house won't work for that.

Moving out of this house is hard, it's sad, and it's painful. We loved this house and had tons of great memories there.

So, Treasa got all the kids together in our living room, and just started talking everything through the reality we were facing. They talked a little, but mostly the kids just cried, they cried a lot. They talked about what they'll miss, and they asked again why we had to move. They expressed frustration, they talked about all that was going on in their head and their heart.

I sat there feeling helpless. Almost all my kids are crying, and there is nothing I can do to fix it. I couldn't solve the problem with work or effort. I also knew I wasn't supposed to tell them, "Quit crying and get over it."

The truth was, this circumstance stinks, it hurts, and there is nothing we can do but just process and walk through it together.

The next day, there was a sense of finality to the change. Crying and talking about the situation was really uncomfortable for me, but it was incredibly helpful for my family.

I share all this to make this point; life will bring moments of difficulty. Allow some time for you and your loved ones involved to talk about it. Leave room for yourself to feel whatever you feel, and to say whatever you want to say. It may be uncomfortable, but in the long run, it's the best thing possible for you.

Philippians 4:6,7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heats and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I think this passage is quoted a lot to say, "Don't stress" but there is another message in here that is important for us to hear. "let your requests be made known to God."

God isn't asking us to pretend we don't experience ups and downs. Talk to Him, talk to others, work through it. Then come out the other side, ready to take on your new season.

Even When You Can't Tell If He's There

Most of my kids are old enough to ride bikes now, and each of them learned at different paces. Some seemed to just wake up one day with the ability to ride a bike, while others took some coaching and some help. 

One of my sons was capable of riding his bike pretty quickly, but would not attempt to ride without me running along side his bike, while holding his seat. If he even suspected that I had let go, he would stop, put his foot down and scold me for putting his life in danger. 

I don't remember exactly how long it was before he tried on his own, but it was a while. For days we would go out, I would run, and he would ride. 

He was certain he wasn't ready, or able to do it on his own; I was certain he was more than capable, and just needed to have some faith in himself. 

I think that's a bit how our relationship with God goes. 

We are faced with a challenge, that we will not attempt to do on our own, unless we are sure God, or someone else is standing right there making sure we don't fall. 

This has certainly been true in my life. In fact that was true as recently as this morning. I woke up today considering a circumstance I am facing, convinced I couldn't do it on my own. I wasn't even sure where to start. 

Then this picture came to mind. My son was convinced it was impossible for him to ride a bike. That there was something uniquely different about him, that would not allow him to ever learn to ride a bike. 

I knew he could, I knew he was so much more capable than he understood. 

More than all of that, the worst that could happen, was he could attempt to ride his bike, and fall. Yes, it would hurt, and yes it might even be embarrassing; but he would get back up, and I would be right there to help him.

I want to encourage you to consider this idea with whatever challenges you may be facing right now. You may be convinced there is no way you can face this on your own. You may be certain that if you try, you will certainly fail. 

First, you are far more capable, and far more gifted than you know. Second, God is right there. He is close by cheering you on, confident in you accomplishing more than you dare to dream for yourself; and even if you do fall along the way, He will be there to help you back up. 

Life can come at us in waves. Some of those waves seem impossible to face. I want to encourage you to accept that there is more in you than you know, and God is with you, even when you can't tell if He is. 

 

If That's Not Healthy, Nothing Is

One of the biggest shocks I experienced in my adult life, was the day I realized it wasn't my wife's job to make me happy, or to convince me everything will be okay, or to make me feel good about myself.

It caught me totally off guard and it was pretty tough for me to deal with.

If this is the first time you've heard this, or this idea comes as a shock to you, send me an email, I will talk you through the grieving process. Trust me, I feel your pain.

The bad news is, this is true for all of us. There is no person that carries the responsibility for our happiness and feelings of contentment.

The good news is, that doesn't mean we are alone in our pursuit of peace and joy.

The One who is meant to help us find peace in who we are, and to find joy in difficult seasons, is Jesus.

No one else can do that for us, but Him.

Unfortunately many of us search for relationships to fix these God-sized problems, and we find ourselves constantly disappointed. Or we put the pressure and weight of these issues on people who care about us, and again we find ourselves disappointed, and they find themselves overwhelmed.

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

You ever feel weary or burdened? Yeah, me too.

Could you use some rest for your soul? I'm right there with you.

Jesus invites us to come to Him, to learn from Him, and in return He offers to teach us, to give us a lighter load, and rest.

So if you've been struggling in your relationships, or struggling with feelings of weight and weariness; come to Jesus. Focus on your relationship with Him, listen to what He says about you. Get that relationship close, and in good shape.

Truth is, if your relationship with Jesus isn't healthy, none of your others will be either.

The Value of Being Wrong

Like most people, I hate being wrong. I especially hate being wrong when I was almost certain I was right, or when it comes out of nowhere.

Today I had a really great conversation with a friend. It started out as just a normal conversation. We talked about life, told stories, shared experiences; and both of us allowed each other to ask deeper questions, and to speak to some pretty sensitive issues.

It was half scary, and half really enjoyable.

Through our conversation my friend began to see a pattern in some of my story that shined light on some areas that I had not seen before.

He chose to do something that was pretty daring.

Rather than letting it go, or avoiding a potentially uncomfortable conversation, he pointed it out to me. Not in a mean or judgmental way, he shared it carefully and in a kind manner.

I would love to tell you, when he presented it, I embraced it with a smile, and thanked him for his honesty. Instead, I met it with a little bit of defensiveness, and hesitancy.

I would like a little bit of credit that I did eventually come around though...

I love this passage Proverbs 27:6 "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy."

Please don't misunderstand, I'm not saying my friend "wounded" me. I am saying he had a conversation that wasn't flowery or complimentary, and I guess if there was any wounds, it was to my ego.

The part I want you to see is, this conversation was an example of kindness and love.

I want to encourage you, be in relationship with people who care enough about you to tell you the truth. Don't just surround yourself with people that only say what makes you feel good.

In the end, these types of honest conversations are what help us to grow, and move us forward.

It may sting, but it is so worth it!

Different But Still Really Awesome

Today, I had the privilege of subbing in the afternoon for the Middle School History class at ECS. ECS is a private school that is an extension of our church.

I had lunch with all the Middle Schoolers, and then sat with the students afterward in their class as they worked on their projects.

I don't remember a lot about Middle School, but what I do remember is how insecure I was, and how terrified I was of someone not liking me, or pointing out something about me that I didn't like.

As I see these students I see a wide variety of personalities, temperaments, and talents. They are so different, but they are all so awesome.

The kids who keep trying to talk to me about anything other than class work are pretty hilarious and will make tremendous business leaders. The students who are coming up with impossibly complex ideas for their group project will be great inventors and creative minds. The ones who are constantly asking the class to quiet down, and reminding the students in their group to stay on topic, are showing strong signs of leadership. The ones who are taking the assignment very seriously no doubt have bright scholastic futures in front of them.

Since I am a Dad of kids this age, or close to it, it is easy for me to see the promise and bright future in these kids. I am far enough removed from this stage in life, that I can see the eventual product of the young men and women they will become.

I can't help but wonder if this is how God sees all of us. We can get so focused on our imperfections and differences today that we don't see the creation we are becoming, or the beauty of the journey we are on now. We are keenly aware of our weaknesses, and the weaknesses of those around us.

If we could just step back far enough to see the process we are in, and the growth we are experiencing we might get a glimpse into how God sees us. Not as perfect, or complete, but as awesome, and in process!

Their Responsibility or Mine?

Do you ever worry that someone you love, will one day cease to love you back? Do you ever question whether your best friend, wants to stay your best friend? Does your mind race with doubt of whether the person you look up to, thinks you have what it takes?

I am sure all of us, on more than one occasion, has doubted that our loved ones will love us always. Part of the reason why we doubt, is we have experienced hurt or heart ache more than once; so it's easy to believe it will happen again.

The real question we need to ask ourselves, is what do we do when those types of thoughts come rushing in?

Often times our knee jerk reaction is to simply ask the people around us, "Do you still love me?" "Will you always be my friend?" "Do you think I have what it takes?"

Seems like an easy, nice and tidy fix.

The problem is, when we deal with feelings in this way only, we are putting the pressure to resolve our feelings on someone else. Most of the time, it is our own responsibility to work through those thoughts and feelings with God.

If I feel insecure, it is not my wife's or my friend's job to encourage that insecurity out of me. If I feel unsure of someone's respect for me, it is not their job to constantly remind me they respect me until I am no longer unsure.

Often times, the negative thoughts or feelings we are experiencing in our relationships are a reflection of something in us that needs to change.

If you find yourself constantly wondering if your friends and family value who you are, take a moment and process that with God, in light of His Word.

In Matthew 10, Jesus is talking to the disciples about how to deal with their fear of persecution. He reminds the disciples that not even a bird falls out of the sky dead, without God knowing about it. So if God is that concerned and attentive to the birds of the air, how much more is His mind toward us, the pride of His creation?

Matthew 10:31 "Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."

To put it plainly, you are incredibly valuable. When you don't feel valuable, you're wrong... you are valuable. If your friends or family treat you like you have no value... they are wrong to do so, you are valuable.

This may seem like a over simplified approach, but I encourage you to try it. When your mind gets stuck on one of those ugly thoughts, and you begin to reach out to ask someone else to put your mind at ease; pause first, take it to God, and see what He says about the issue.

I believe you will find, that not only will God help you through that one moment, He will help you avoid future moments like that one. He will remove the root of your doubt or fear, so those types of thoughts no longer return.

You Never Know

I remember when I was a pretty young guy, I was riding in a car with my Dad, and there was construction on WA-18 just north of Auburn. We were sitting still in the right lane, and a few cars were zooming past the stopped traffic to cut ahead of the line. I was so frustrated at their refusing to respect others and their disregard for the people following the rules. A few big trucks and cars began to pull out onto the shoulder to block those flying past. I asked my Dad why he wasn't helping to stop these cars.

His response shocked me, and it has stuck with me.

He said, "You never know what's going on in someone else's life. Maybe that car is rushing because his sick kid is sitting in the front seat bent over in pain, and he is rushing him to the hospital."

I am fairly confident the people racing past us were just being rude, but his point was still true. We never really know what is going on in the lives of people around us.

Consider your own story. Has there ever been a time in your life when you were hurting, dealing with a broken relationship, suffering through personal pain; and someone accused you of simply being rude, or disconnected? Their perception of your struggle was defined, not by what was true, but by their assumption of what was true.

It's incredibly frustrating and hurtful when this happens to us.

So why do we do it to others?

When Paul was writing to the church in Corinth he makes this statement.

2 Corinthians 2:11a "For who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him?" 

We don't really know anyone's story fully, and we certainly don't know what they are thinking or feeling in that moment.

So allow me to encourage you, consider as you encounter all sorts of people this week, to remember there is more to their story than what you see, and there is a mixed web of emotion and struggle beneath the surface that you know nothing of.

Instead of deciding why they are acting the way they are, offer them grace, offer them patience, offer them room to be imperfect. Hey, even let them cut in front of your car in traffic. You'll never really know why they are in such a hurry.

Your act of kindness might be just the thing they needed.

Stay Present in the Midst of the Rush

The last couple weeks of my life have been pretty crazy. It has felt like there is either something big happening, coming, or just getting over. 

This isn't terribly new for me, being a minister at a life-giving church, a husband to a wonderful wife, and dad to 6 awesome kids keeps me pretty busy most of the time. 

These days there is something I really try to focus on, even in midst of the crazy seasons. Slow down and be present in this moment.

When I went to college, Treasa and I were pretty young, we had 3 kids, I was working full time, I was volunteering at a church about 20-30 hours a week, and taking a full, or more than full, class load. I was stupid busy. The problem was, there were courses I took at school, events I led at the church, trips I took with my family, that I don't even really remember. I was so busy, and so focused on getting things "done" I didn't slow down enough to enjoy what I was doing. 

In a world of goals, dreams, and deadlines, it's easy for us to get so focused on getting things accomplished, that we don't slow down enough to actually experience the beauty and the wonder of the moment we are in. 

So this is my challenge to me, and to you...

Don't become so busy that you are just getting things done, running so quickly that you'll never even remember days like today. 

Sure, take the world by storm; but do it while slowing down enough to have a meaningful conversation with your kids. Reach that goal you set for yourself; but do it while really absorbing the book you are reading, allow the thoughts stirring in your mind to sink in and take root. 

Find the beauty in the tasks in front of you today, be present for them, engage deeply in conversation. You will be so glad you did.